You're Just at the Age

Saturday, April 07, 2012  ::  

It's a phrase I've been hearing a lot lately.

"Well, you're just at the age where you can't eat like you used to."

"You're just at the age where you can't do what you used to do."

"As you know, you're at the age where you will have to drive your kids all over the place."

"You should know, you're at the age where you will have to go to the doctor every year for blood work and a physical."


This morning I woke up with my hands in fists, my jaw clenched and shoulders tight. Immediately I saw five beautiful, young faces in my mind's eye, faces of women who received Cord of Hope gifts last night. Tears welled in my eyes as I soaked in the details I could remember of each young woman.

Two of them, sisters, looked wild, naive, intoxicated with money and attention. Two others stood with gifts like little girls exclaiming how perfect their new gift fit their personalities. They gushed thanks and giddiness. The last girl looked somewhat withdrawn, insecure, embarrassed, but bold enough to ask me questions about Easter church service in the park.

My heart aches today. My tears won't stop. My mind is full of wild schemes of throwing young girls over my shoulder and bringing them home with me. However, this outreach is no different than the others. The women still dance for men. They are still someone's sister, daughter, friend. They are valued, loved, and treasured no more or less than any other time we've gone into the clubs over the last eight years.

But I am different.

I'm at the age...

I'm at the age that I am old enough to be their mom.

I'm at the age that they aren't my peers.

I'm at the age that I've embraced my maternal instincts everywhere but in the clubs. Now I must wrestle with how to process my strong desires to love them like daughters when before I've always loved them like sisters.

I'm at the age that I actually know the two young, wild, naive, intoxicated sisters. I know them. I literally could be their mom. Today my heart breaks in such a way that I feel like their mom.

For eight years I've been honestly saying, "God, whether we see women come out of the business or not, whether we see fruit in this ministry or not, we will continue to walk in obedience in taking gifts to these women as a tangible example of your love for them." This morning my heart scoffs at the idea.

I don't want to leave young girls there. I want to drive my soccer mom mini-van to the clubs tonight, push the button for the door to automatically open, give them my mom stink eye, and tell them to get in. I weep at the thought of leaving them there. My heart aches at the counterfeit love that fools their longing for security and significance. I'm stuck in my inability to rescue each one.

But Jesus whispers...

He alone rescues. He alone saves. He alone died for them. He alone loves purely. He alone redeems. He alone is worthy to do the work in my heart and theirs that only He can do.

Please pray for the women who received gifts last night. Please pray for the five young girls I've mentioned.

Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna! Save them! God, save them! Only you can save them!

6 important comments so far. What are your thoughts?

grey rose (they/them) said...

oh, angel. i am so broken for these women. he alone is the rescuer, amen! praying that he will move in their hearts and lives and show them they are valued. show them they are not too far. show them they are LOVED. show them HIM.

grateful for your obedience, to god be the glory!! keep proclaiming our risen redeemer!

LOVE you. xo

Carol said...

Thanks for sharing your heart and showing God's love to a hard group. What a beautiful example of being Jesus to others.

Anonymous said...

His works through you do not go unnoticed, they may lie dormant in these girls for a time until they find themselves in a place of hopelessness. It is then that, because of you, they are able to have a resource and an avenue to our savior. It is because of acts of love like this that save even the most broken and lost. Thank you for living out His love, thank you sooo much, for I was/am the broken and only the light of the holy spirit can turn darkness inside out. Your deeds shine His light :)

Laura K. Moore said...

thank you so much for sharing your heart and the hurt and the changing emotions as you've grown through the ministry

Stephanie said...

Angel, what a blessing to be so burdened for these women. The scariest place to be as a believer is apathetic and unmoved by the needs of others. Thanks you for opening my eyes tonight. I love your heart so much and I will be praying for these 5 young women.

Anonymous said...

I love how you love these precious women...
I am praying for each of them and for you as you seek new ways to share Jesus with them.

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