Moxie Memorizers

I had an amazing idea this morning.  

Twice a month I try to write something inspiring about memorizing scripture. Part of me feels like my words have begun to sound a bit like Charlie Brown's teacher. I know. Some of you are incredibly kind and love me a lot and want to argue right now. But, what else can I say about this topic? I love the Bible. I think it is important to memorize it. You should memorize it with me. Duh. 

So, here is my idea.

Do you want to write a few paragraphs of how God has spoken to you, changed your way of thinking, used you in a situation by memorizing His word? I've been writing about my passion in this for a year and a half, and it is time for your story to be told. Why do you memorize? What victories have you had? What has been your favorite passage to learn? How have you overcome difficulties in discipline? 

Oh, I'm getting more excited just telling you about it! Instead of me talking about memorizing scripture twice a month, I'm going to have some of you guest blog about your journey! Brilliant! 

I will be asking specific people to share. It doesn't have to be long. But, please don't wait to be asked if you feel like it would bring glory to God to share your story. Any way that we can lift high His great name on this little blog, let's do it! 

Send me an email if you are interested: angel at secondmi dot org 

This month I am continuing to work on 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.  I started on the first of the month, but need to keep at this one, as well as the others I've memorized over the last few months.  

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 

What are you memorizing? Post it up, friends. And, don't forget to let me know if you would like to share some words on this subject.  

Honoring Mom

My mom loves Jesus. One of her spiritual gifts is faith and for as long as I can remember she has bugged me with this gift because she so beautifully and emphatically believes God, takes Him at His word, and seeks to obey Him. It bugs me because I often struggle with faith. I admire my mom's ability to approach God and the world around her with faith.

This year I've been contemplating what meaningful gift I could give my mom to honor her for Mother's Day.* This morning Living Proof Ministries blog provided an idea for the perfect gift for her.

As Our Own is an organization in India that rescues children of women who have been sex trafficked. Please go to their website and read about their work. I will not do justice explaining this ministry.  

There are so many wonderful organizations who work diligently to eradicate trafficking in our world. Why did I choose to donate to this one in honor of my mom? 

My mom would do anything she could to protect me, my brothers, her grandchildren. She is a defender, supporter, encourager, pray-er. She would fight for any of us if necessary. In reading through Prema's story I was overwhelmed with the terror that her mom faced in desiring to protect her little life. Knowing my mom would grieve for this mom's decision to help protect her baby girl, I knew that she would be honored to know a gift was given in her honor to support this ministry so that more and more children could be rescued from a life of sex slavery. 

What are you giving your mom for Mother's Day? Beautiful flowers? Jewelry? A special hand-made treasure? I'm sure she will love it. 

Would you also consider giving your mom a gift that represents her fighting heart for you? If you are not yet a mom would you consider giving a gift to represent the type of parent that you hope to be one day? 

*Some of you may not have even considered Mother's Day. Let me assure you this is not just a Hallmark holiday that is meant to trick us into buying gifts and cards. Moms really do value Mother's Day. It is day where we reflect on our role as mom, we desire to be acknowledged for the work we put into our families, and we hope to be honored by our husbands and kids. Don't blow it off. Show and tell your mom that you love and value her. Show and tell your wife that you are blessed by her. Just a little helpful tip. 

Proverbs 31:28

 Her children rise up and call her blessed. 

You are blessed, Mom! Happy Mother's Day! I love you.

Going Public Part 2 :: The Practical Side

The response I've received from Going Public Part 1 has been different than any post I've written. Some of you have emailed, called, texted, stopped me at church to thank me for my vulnerability, and share where you are in the "I deserve" journey. I've also noticed that food and exercise posts touch a nerve. In the church we often side step being honest with one another about health, finances, and sex. Interestingly enough, those three areas often ruin people.

Several of you asked me to share my eating and exercise plan, so I'm going to do that. Please remember, this is my story. Some of the principles can be true for almost anyone, but what worked for me was the conviction God brought into my life which led to desiring to change for His glory above my own. He is so gracious and giving that I, too, benefit from this change in my body.

First, exercise. Chad and I used Insanity. The name does not do the ridiculousness of the workout justice. At the end of one of the workouts, Shaun T. says, "That *beep* is bananas, yo." He ain't lying! I would never recommend someone who is just starting to exercise to use this plan. However, I've been teaching fitness classes for almost 12 years. My body was so plateaued and I had no desire to figure out a new plan on my own. Insanity seriously kicked my butt in major ways six days a week. If you are just starting, go for a walk. Meet a friend and do something active. Get moving.

Second, food. My friend repeatedly told me good eating is 90% of fitness. On some level, I agreed with what she said, but now I've experientially learned this to be true. You see, I hurt myself three weeks ago and I've only been able to do two spin classes a week. Guess what. I've still lost three pounds. That's where I want to say, "That *beep* is bananas, yo." Paying attention to calories and quality of food helps me feel good. I'm moving food out of the focus of my mouth, stomach, and mind. It does not consume me they way it has in the past.

Here are some examples of what I eat.

Almost every day I eat one cup of cooked oatmeal with 1/4 cup nonfat or rice milk with 2 tablespoons of chopped pecans. No sugar. You get used to it and start to enjoy it. I promise. By the way, last week the doctor told me I had the lowest bad cholesterol levels he had ever seen. I'm convinced it's all in the oatmeal.

Every once in a while, Chad and I will make ourselves omelettes with two eggs, some turkey or chicken, tons of broccoli, mushrooms, red bell peppers, and salsa. So, so good.

I have a snack in the morning and afternoon. 12 almonds OR a piece of fruit OR a nonfat chai from Starbucks because I love it OR carrots and a couple of tablespoons of hummus OR popcorn. It doesn't matter to me what my snack is as long as it is a normal serving, real food (no processed stuff), and filling.

Chad also makes smoothies. Sometimes we drink them as snacks, but when we are in a hurry because of kid sports or meetings we use them as meals. For both of us, he adds one cup Greek yogurt, a banana, a cup of frozen berries, a huge handful of spinach or kale. He experiments with ingredients, and most of the time, it's tasty. Sometimes he adds a little peanut butter and/or honey. He adds some ice and blends it all up in our normal blender. Good stuff.

Lunch and dinner I eat 4 ounces of a lean protein and as many vegetables as I can eat. I cut out pastas and breads. In the beginning I thought I was going to die without them, but I honestly feel better now that I'm not eating it anymore. Sometimes I will have a sandwich with one piece of bread or a sandwich from Subway minus mayo. Sometimes I will overfill my plate with raw veggies and eat them with hummus or salsa. Salsa has a lot of salt, but I make my own and decided it was ok for me. If I want to eat it, I google calories and nutritional value first and then make a decision.

I only drink tea and water. Chad drinks coffee, but I haven't grown up enough yet to have acquired the taste. Like I mentioned above, I will have a my beloved Starbucks chai, but it counts as a snack, not a beverage.

Also, Chad and I have done a lot of google searches on our favorite restaurants. Did you know a Chipotle salad sans dressing with beans, fajita veggies, beef, and salsa is only 400 calories? So delicious. Did you know that Kung Pao Chicken with all those great vegetables and fresh chicken at Pei Wei has 960 calories not including the rice? Sheesh! That's crazy and way too many calories for one meal! I really do google everything I may want to eat at any given restaurant. I've found the real food places and happily skip the others.

This is important:

I'm not a food freak. If someone has us over for dinner and serves a big cheesy pasta casserole I will eat it, love it, cherish the hospitality. If our family needs a break, I will order a pizza and eat some. If I'm at a party and someone made a cake, I will have a small piece. I'm not obsessive about this. As a family, we are making conscious decisions about what we put in our mouths, but we still live with freedom.

Before you start thinking, "I could never do that" let me remind you that the first month and maybe longer, I threw temper tantrums. I hated the smoothies Chad made with Greek yogurt, spinach, and berries. They were so sour and gross. They needed sugar! One time we were out of spinach so he added cauliflower. I was so annoyed I could hardly look at him. But, my tastebuds have changed. They aren't spoiled little bumps any more. I love our smoothies. It takes time to retrain your taste buds and your brain. You can do it.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me or leave a comment. This isn't an inspiring blog post where you can hear Chariots of Fire playing in the background. It is practical. It is a glimpse of how Chad and I have changed our entitlement issues with food. It is a window into my weird little world.

I look forward to hearing from some of you!

Moxie Memorizers

God really spoke to me through His word yesterday. I love when I'm paying attention enough to truly hear from Him. I'm reading a book right now called Leading on Empty. It is a good book, but the content is difficult for me to swallow. I've asked God several times, "What am I supposed to do with this information?!?" It is overwhelming to know changes need to be made and be unsure how to make them.

Yesterday He calmed my heart with a great passage. I will be working on memorizing it for the next month or so.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 

Sometimes we memorize passages because it is a good word in general. We read it as truth and it easily applies to our lives and the lives of those around us. Sometimes we memorize passages because we aren't sure what else to memorize, but we know that through discipline He will shape our hearts through His precious Word. Sometimes we memorize passages because He has spoken deeply and intimately to our hearts. We long to cling to the revealed truth because the freshness the Holy Spirit breaths into us makes us more dependent on Him.

Where are you in this journey? Which category best describes what you are memorizing right now? Are you able to stick to it when it is out of discipline? Do the words stick more readily in your brain when He's massaged your heart with a specific verse?

Keep it up, friends! You are doing a great job taking His powerful Word into your hearts and minds!

Going Public

On January 1st I weighed the most I've ever weighed, had just purchased the biggest pants I've ever owned, and felt the grossest I've ever felt. I knew how to hide all the extra I had accumulated, so some of you may be doubting my assessment. Or, some of you knew and never told me. We had a pact! You were supposed to tell me.

In the fall I went through a book with a group of people titled The Character of Leadership. Self-control was a character trait we read about and discussed. The author shared an example from his own life about his eating being out of control and to master it, he fasted regularly. As I read the short paragraph, I felt drenched in the heaviness of the Spirit's conviction. I knew that my lack of self-control manifested itself in my entitled attitude towards food.

I deserved a Diet Dr Pepper in the afternoon because I had spent so much time carpooling kids all over town.

I deserved french fries at Chick-fil-a because I worked hard in spinning.

I deserved ice cream at the end of the night because I had so many meetings during the day.

I deserved peanut M&Ms because the stress of Second Mile was heavy.

I deserved pasta, bread, refined whatever because I was a good cook and should get to eat what I made.

I deserved, I deserved, I deserved. 

Ironically, "I deserve" is one of my least favorite phrases in the English language and I was abusing it daily without even recognizing my growing, ugly self-entitlement.

Through the last two weeks of December I devised a plan. My heart's desire was to surrender my will and I asked God to increase the fruit of self-control in my life. Chad and I also planned to put one of our Christmas gifts to good work. A good friend of ours said, "Merry Christmas, chubbies! Here is Insanity for you!" Just kidding. She would never say that, but we had shared our desires for health with her and she bought the program for us as a very generous gift.

We exercised our butts off.  Literally. Jumping, kicking, squatting, sweating, crying. So, so hard. I never made it through an entire workout without taking significant breaks. But Chad and I went for it. But, to be honest, this wasn't my struggle. I've always enjoyed exercise. It was difficult to be sure, but not as much as the changes I was making in my eating.

As food was my idol of choice, breaking myself from its grip became painful. I threw a temper tantrum or two. I felt hungry. I was annoyed. I didn't want to measure out portions. I just wanted something salty and crunchy or gooey and sweet. Essentially I was struggling to break my will and focus where my dependence should have been. Stress very often sent me to the refrigerator and not to my knees in prayer.

The change had to be radical. This may not be true for some of you. Remember this is my story. Some of you may need faithful, gradual change. In my life gradual leads to attention deficit. I needed to go all out.

My mantra for many years has been "moderation is the key!" I've discovered this is such a lie! Saying I could enjoy something in moderation was another way of disguising my entitlement. I've since learned that wisdom is the key. Even in eating.

Moderation says, "It's ok to have a bowl of ice cream every night if it is a small bowl." Wisdom says, "Read the labels. One half cup of that premium choice ice cream is 325 calories."

Moderation says, "Diet soda doesn't have calories." Wisdom says, "Do I really need all of those fake ingredients running through my body?"

Moderation says, "Vegetables are good for you." Wisdom says, "Eat as many vegetables as you can possibly pack into your gut." True statement.

"If any of you lacks wisdom he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5 

"Wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." James 3:17

It's the end of April. I've dropped a couple of sizes, my blood tests look wonderful, and I feel good. There are no before and after photos because the main point of this journey for me has not been about physical change as much as it has been about spiritual change. As I continue to pray for wisdom and self-control in the area of eating, I'm asking for real, lasting change.

"For the kingdom of heaven is not about eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit."  Romans 14:17

Let me encourage you to think through your own life. Do you have any "I deserve" areas that may need the attention of the Holy Spirit? If you do, would you be willing to ask God for wisdom in dealing with it? How are you refining your character to be more like Christ?

This journey is a personal one. But, I'm hoping going public with parts of it may inspire you to look deeply into your heart and allow the Spirit to bring about change that impacts not just your body, but your spirit as well.

**I've written Part 2 to Going Public if you are interested in reading the practical side of this life change. Please click over to read it if you would like more of the story.

Reflecting on the Nines

I just turned the big 3-9 on April 17th. One more year in the 30s.

The day started in my spinning class. I told the class the week before that my birthday was coming and I would bring them presents to celebrate. I arrived with a large plate of M&M pecan cookies and chocolate oatmeal moomoo bars. Some of them complained about burning calories in my class and then being tempted by cookies. But, I think they liked it.  

There were so many cookies left and I certainly didn't want them in my kitchen, so I passed them out wherever I went through the day greeting people with, "It's my birthday. Would you like a cookie?" Strangers were surprisingly willing to take a homemade cookie and then tell me interesting stories about their life. It's amazing what someone will share with you over a baked goodie. 

My family gave me great presents. We went to eat at a Japanese teppanyaki grill for dinner. It was a lovely day.

Thinking about turning 39 over the last year was definitely worse than actually turning 39. As I've thought about age and reflected through the years of my life, I realized the nines have each ushered in significant seasons of difficulty, change, and growth. I'm sure this is true for most people. 

When I was nine years old about to be in fourth grade, I made a commitment to God to become a missionary. I met a wonderful woman named Melissa King who talked to me about serving Jesus with my life. I only spent one short week with her, but she made an unforgettable impact. My parents invested in me and did their best to teach me the ways of faith in Jesus. They loved (and still love) me so deeply

Unfortunately, my new commitment was put aside for the next few years. I wasted so much time drinking, partying, finding comfort in the arms of boys who pretended to be men. My spirit was wrecked in seeking security and love through the approval of my peers. I was desperately lonely and sought to fill the holes with rebellion and popularity. Not surprisingly, the empty shell that was my spirit was the only thing that was filled. 

When I turned 19 years old I was at New Mexico State University. My life had swung from one extreme of partying to the other extreme of seeking after God. Healing in my heart continues to be one of my pursuits, but the four years I spent in college laid a foundation of scripture, prayer, and community that God continues to use in my life. 

Over the next few years I married a man I never thought I would find let alone deserve. We traveled, lived in another country, adopted a beautiful daughter, had three other children, and moved to two different states. God used the adventures to teach us great things about Him, ourselves, and each other. My heart's capacity to love and be loved was one of the greatest gifts God gave me through my 20's. 

At the age of 29 I lived in the beautiful city of Lincoln, NE. I remember a friend of mine named Gina who was also from New Mexico said, "We get to live in a place that has fireflies!" She was right. The greenery, the flowers, the people, the Husker nation, the cleanliness of Walmart all showcase some of the beauty that is Lincoln. The prospect of turning 30 seemed bright and glorious as I lived out my version of the American dream. 

I wrote on the first page of my new journal, "I wonder what God will have for me in my 30's?" Little did I know my family was about to embark on our biggest and most difficult adventure. A few months after that journal entry we decided to move to Tucson to plant a church. After moving to this mountainous, beautiful desert I began to see that my heart was so similar to my surroundings. God crafted me together which is beautiful, but I had built high places of defeat and self-hatred which led to a personal dryness and a tough exterior.  

The truth is I continued to carry lies I chose to believe from my childhood. Struggling to gain the approval of others plagued me. Believing that I was the fat, ugly, dumb girl in the room consumed me. In my early 30's God freed me from this lie through much prayer and refinement. He has used my 30's to fortify His work in my life and teach me about myself, the gifts He's given me, my talents, strengths, and weaknesses. 

And now I'm 39 years old. Each decade has been stuffed full of character refinement, personal growth, and life-altering, God-given direction. The thought of turning 40 messes with my mind quite a bit to tell the truth. I'm not necessarily afraid of getting old, but I definitely want to be sure I'm not wasting time, that I'm living for a greater purpose, that I continue to grow and change. 

What will the years look like when I look back when I turn 49? Will I have a deeper sense of purpose? How will I be processing all of my kids living outside my home? What will my friendships look like? How will my marriage to Chad be richer than it is today? What will be the greatest lesson I learn in my 40's? 

LKM Photography

Only God knows the answers to these questions. I'm glad He hasn't given me any clues to what the next ten years hold. To be honest, if I would have known at age 9, 19, or 29 what I was about to go through, I would have absolutely chickened out. He obviously knows what He is doing! 

Psalm 40:5

Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you have planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak of them there would be too many to declare. 

Mom of the Year

A few months ago on a Wednesday afternoon, I happily started the trek to Kyle's school to pick him up. I was super proud of myself that day because Chad had extra meetings on his plate and I offered to be the awesome helpmate wife and pick up all the kids from school. This may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but my kids go to three different schools that are nowhere near each other. Chad and I make an excellent carpool tag team.

A side note to this story that you should know is our school district dismisses students on Wednesdays one hour early. Every Wednesday. Which we've been experiencing for eight years now.

As I arrived to our designated pick up spot, I noticed Kyle sitting on the sidewalk looking slightly downcast. I smiled as he opened the door as I always do when I pick up the kids and said, "You are out here early today." He stoically replied, "Did you forget it's early out day?"

Ugh. Punched in the gut. I had left my child sitting at one of the busiest intersections of Tucson for over an hour. Yes, I cried. A lot. I asked for his forgiveness which he freely gave. Then I told him I would take him to Dairy Queen to get a large Artic Rush Float, but he had to promise me he would not associate eating with people disappointing him. In his own words he responded, "Mom, I promise to not emotionally eat when people wound me." Punk.

Spring time brings Kyle's baseball season. Games and practice go until 9:00, so Kyle usually isn't settled in and ready for bed until almost 10:00. My kids make their own lunches for school (best idea ever), so Kyle has to make his before he goes to practice because he doesn't have time when he gets home. Last Thursday handed our family a very chaotic afternoon. He did not have time to make his lunch before practice, and before he went to bed he asked if I would make it for him. Because I'm such a stellar mom I agreed to help. When I picked him up from school the next day he told me how hungry he was. Apparently he took his empty lunch box to school that was sitting on the table that morning. My eyes were huge, I gasped, and again profusely apologized. I jokingly stated, "Well, in my defense you are supposed to make it before you go to practice." With the charming wit he often uses to slay me he replied, "Well, in my defense you told me you would make it before I went to bed." Touche. 

What's the point of telling on myself? I want to share with you some of the best parenting advice Chad and I ever received. 

Apologize when you mess up. Do not be too proud, too afraid, too apathetic, too unaware of yourself to tell your kids you are sorry. Apologize with sincerity, with clarity about your mistakes, and with intentionality to change. Apologize to your kids! 

Parents are the authority over their children, but what I often see is that parents take that authority to a level of pride and hard-heartedness. The "because I said so" mantra (another blog post entirely) or "I'm the boss" or "well, I wouldn't have yelled, publicly scolded, overreacted if you hadn't pushed my buttons" ruins relationships. 

If my desire is to be able to have adult relationships with my children when they are adults, they have to know that I know that I'm not perfect. This keeps our relationship in balance, teaches them that I'm approachable, and models humility to them. 

Apologize when you mess up. And guess what. You will mess up. 

For extra help in this area that will not only benefit your parenting skills, but also your human skills please read The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. This book gives practical and insightful tools to keep relationships whole. If we hurt someone specifically, a simple, non-specific "I'm sorry" isn't going to cut it! For what are you sorry? Will you really take ownership in what you've done? How will you make amends? This book gives good strategies in learning how to truly apologize to someone when you've wronged them. 

Photos by the talented and lovely Laura K. Moore

God will be honored, your kids will respect you more deeply, your personal humility will grow, and when they are adults it will be implanted on their hearts that you are approachable and love them deeply.