Please Come With Me

At the end of my last very long blog post, I offered a book giveaway. Around 30 people entered, which I think it great odds. Most giveaways on social media have 877 bajillion entries and so I rarely bother which is the downside of pessimism. I trained in being pessimistic about giveaways the hard way. When we had a season of being the parents of eight kids, I faithfully entered my grocery store sweepstakes every single week. I was convinced I'd win the $5000 grocery gift card if I kept up the good work. Alas, optimism didn't win out either. But I digress...

I'm pleased to announce that Suzie G and Dawn E won a copy of Advent: The Once and Future Coming of Jesus.  Ladies, I hope you enjoy it like I have. I'll bring it to you on Sunday.

This book is not for the faint of heart. If you are looking for a happy happy joy joy merry merry Christmas it isn't for you. But, if you are looking to be reminded of why Jesus came as a baby and will come again in glory then join me in reading this fantastical, soul-bolstering collection of sermons. I'm currently re-reading it and it is exactly what I need for this month. 

While I have you here, I've decided it's time to share the Retreat de Moxie videos with everyone. It is a difficult process for me to release them because I can't redo the mistakes I see in them. (2w1 problems, if you know what I mean.) It requires humility/humiliation, but I do trust I did my best to honor God in what I said. Be assured, if you hear a mistake, I heard it, too. But, I also know you will hear that God loves you deeply, has taken your shame, and that he is worthy of all you have. What else would even need to be said? 

I love these women and many more who couldn't join us this year.

Can you feel the zeal?? 

Here they are: 

Session One: The Deep Waters of Being Created 

Session Two: Mighty Women of God (I shared this one in this blog post.)  

Session Three: The Deep Waters of Being Chosen and Cherished  

Session Four: The Deep Waters of God's Presence Now and Forever 

Each session begins with an intro about what is happening during our retreat. You may want to skip ahead to get to the teaching. Also, if you would like to have a copy of the retreat booklet with notes and resources, please email me and I will send it to you. 

Picture yourself here as you listen to the messages. 💛

You may already know this, but I am passionate about helping women love God with all they have, find freedom in Christ, and remain faithful to him for their whole life. I'm confident you already know this: Life is really, really hard. It sucks, in fact. Even when things are smooth sailing people around us are struggling, and then when sailing turns smooth for others, giant waves rise up and smack us in the face. This is one reason I won't give up "meeting with people as some are in the habit of doing. But [I] will encourage you all the more as we wait for the Day when we see Jesus face to face." (Hebrews 10:25 paraphrase added)

Enjoy the teaching sessions whether it's the first time you are hearing them or you were at the retreat and want to watch again. You can be confident as you watch that I mean what I say, I'm striving to live it, and dragging/pushing/hoping you'll come along with me. 

Please come with me, 

Angel 

For My Daughters, Sisters, and Friends

Chad and I have been working on a research project for a year and a half. I can honestly say it is the deepest I've ever studied one single doctrinal topic. Through the years I've read a variety of theology books and countless nonfiction books on numerous church, biblical, and historical subjects. I like to learn and feel it is my personal responsibility to lead with growing knowledge and accountability. Books written by brilliant scholars from diverse backgrounds and perspectives widen, deepen, and strengthen my own learning and leadership abilities.

For my daughters. I will strive to model strong femininity for them all my days. 

As long as I can remember I've been singled out to be a leader. In first grade, my lovely teacher often praised me for my good work in front of the class. She would point to me as a model student. In middle school, I was a little rougher around the edges and one of my poor teachers who couldn't control me/the class, sat down with the principal and me to explain that if I would just stop being a brat, the class would probably follow along. (I don't remember if I complied or not, but maybe for a week or two?) I lost my footing a bit in high school, but still remember leading in different ways. In college I led small groups, mentored underclassmen, and went on summer missions.

Chad and I have been in full time ministry for 23 years now. I can hardly believe it as I type out the number. We've been side by side for most of it, although my ministry focus was different than his when our kids were younger. We are both wired to help people grow in depth of love for God, to provide presence for people in their deepest sufferings and greatest joys, and to counsel, listen, and provide outside resources to questions I could have never dreamed being asked. Our motivation for all of this is to honor God above all else.

Do you want to know one of the frustrating struggles I've had through the years? It's really dumb and inconsequential on the surface. Why does it matter? Who cares? Where does my validation lie? Who calls, confirms, and equips me?

Here it is:

What is my title? When people in polite conversation ask "what do you do" how do I respond?

"Well, I'm a women's ministry director." (Like an event planner?)
"Oh, um, I'm a life coach for women at my church." (Can you help me find a job?)
"You see, I'm a discipleship strategist" (Sounds scary.)

I most often tell people one of two things: I mentor women at my church or that I lead women's ministry at my church. Still pretty vague though, right? It definitely doesn't give a clear picture. Let me tell you, whatever answer I give, it's a real conversation killer.

Part of me knows it's vanity to care about my title. My motivation certainly isn't in a title. However, part of me also knows it is bolstering and validating to be able to explain unapologetically that God has, in fact, called, confirmed, and equipped me to lead, minister, and shepherd in my church. To be able to succinctly, boldly, and lovingly say exactly what I do would be a gift, not necessary, but beneficial.

Many of you know a torrent of hatred and slander flooded the internet over the weekend against Beth Moore who is a Jesus-loving, strong, female leader.*  The world is full of cruelty. This wasn't the first time and it won't be the last. I pray most of you ignore the vitriol that takes place on social media specifically in the American church. It's so so ugly and sinful. I do pay attention for a variety of reasons, one of them, if necessary, is to be prepared to watch over the women I love and lead. In loving response to the malice towards Ms. Beth, many strong leaders are writing about a woman's place in the Church. It's beautiful. You can read this one from Ann Voskamp or this one from Jonathan Martin or this one or this one from Beth herself. It's also partly why I'm writing today.

Dear daughters, sisters, and friends, I want you to know I see you, I'm with you, and I love you. But you already know this. And you know it about the elders of our church, too. I'm so happy that none of the four elders of Second Mile spend any amount of time at all on social media. Just because they don't respond on Facebook doesn't mean they don't care. Which brings me back to the research project, my title, and women in the church.

This project started after many years of conversation between Chad and me and then with a podcast and then we read one small book which led to another and another and another. We are looking closely at what the Bible says about women specifically. We've been asking God to show us our own cultural and denominational lens that has possibly/probably skewed our ability to see the depths of Scripture. We've had deep discussions and heated arguments about specific verses, translations, and all the interpretations of which we are trying to make sense. We felt this topic was so huge and so important and had so many implications for our own local church body that Chad asked the elders to read and study, too.

We aren't quite ready to share any resources or results of our research. However, I did share some during the second session of our Moxie retreat. Of course we will certainly share our findings with our beloved church when we are ready. And I can't wait. In the mean time here's the video of the session in case you missed it or want to watch again:

I'm giving you this research project teaser for a few reasons.

First, I'm grieved over how regularly, loudly, and terribly powerful men (and women) publicly ridicule and mock women who clearly love Jesus and are doing the best they can to honor him. It moves me to deep prayers, but it also causes me to set my jaw and clench my fists to continue running as hard as I can after God.

Second, I want you to know we are continually doing hard work behind the scenes to learn and grow doctrinally and then to practically apply it in our actual church. If we are honest, we aren't personally affected by what happened to Beth Moore over the weekend. It grieves us, but we show up in our actual lives to do what God has asked us to do. But, this research has affected Chad and me which means it will affect our body. I can assure you, the biggest result is that we love the women and men in our church more than ever. We pray and strive for personal wholeness and we also pray and strive for wholeness in Second Mile.

These are some of the faces that compel me to keep laboring in the gospel. Oh how I love them. 

Third, please pray for us as we move through the final stages of hashing it all out. We have lists to make, pages to write, debates/discussion to have. It will be good, but it will also be hard.

The Church could not exist without women, but you already know that. But maybe you needed to read this post to be reminded that your leaders' heads aren't in the sand. We are with you, praying for you, and hopefully pointing you to Jesus.

Contending for the gospel until death or until Jesus returns,

Angel



*I won't link the video. You can google it, but it really isn't necessary. It's gross and sinful.

Who We Are in Light of Who He Is :: And a Giveaway

Through the years I've grown in self-awareness and understanding. I believe it is good, wise, and honorable to know your strengths and weaknesses so you can better serve God and love people. For example, how can I love people in the way they need love if I'm not aware that I can be an 'energetic' nurturer? (Some say smother, but I say mother.) Or if I am unaware of the intensity of my faith, maybe I sound like a raving lunatic instead of a compassionate, bold Jesus-follower? Knowing who we are and what we believe increases our ability to love and serve.

However, a main point of contention I have with those who seek self-help, self-improvement, and even self-awareness is what or who is your plumb line? If I only grow and measure myself against myself, my awareness is nebulous and/or self-serving. If I grow and measure myself against others then I always succeed or always fail, and the measurements result in self-gratification or self-loathing. 

What are we to do? 

Theology, the study of the nature of God, is the answer. In the last 20 years, I've surrendered to the fact that knowing who God is enables me to know who I am. His grace to us tells us in his Word that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, that he will complete the good work he started in us, and that he is transforming us into his very image. Whether we seek to know what this means or not, he will work in us because he is faithful and he doesn't break his promises. But, if the Creator of the universe is changing you into his image, don't you think it would help to know who he is? Hence, theology. 

Here's the truth, friends. I'm not an intellectual. But, I am a learner, child-like when I get excited about a new to me concept, and a reader (a slow reader, but a reader nonetheless.) I am not someone who can sit around and debate theology. Heck, I can't really debate anything. I feel deeply about God, life, and love. I can most certainly tell you what I believe and why I believe it. However, I continue to need help in learning deep truths about God in my head and heart. I've read quite a few theology books all the while weighing what I'm learning with scripture and talking them out with Chad and friends. 

Good theology books will be full of scripture, and not just one off verses to support their claims. I'm continually on the search for strong-willed, intelligent, fierce women who love God and his word. You all know I love Beth Moore. I recently finished Entrusted, her study on 2 Timothy and it blew my mind. If you choose to do this study, please, please go through the video teachings, too. Many of you also know mentoring relationships for women in Second Mile begin with Wendy Alsup's book Practical Theology for Women. (I have copies in my office if you'd like to buy one.) I read her blog regularly. The woman knows her Bible. 

A year or two ago, I discovered Jen Wilkin. She's quickly become a woman I respect and wish I could know personally. Two of her books were on my shelf for awhile, but my reading list was so long I never got to them. At my suggestion, Morgan, Carah, and their friend, Nevaeh, recently started reading None Like Him with their youth leader, Corrie. I wanted to know what they were reading and be able to discuss with them as they read, so I picked it up, too. Jen had me at the first sentence of the introduction: 

"If you had told me five years ago that I would one day write a book for Christian women that led off with a quote from Proverbs 31, I probably would have punched you in the face." 

Doesn't that sound like someone who could be my bestie?

In the book, Jen describes ten attributes that only belong to God and shows how we humans seek to mimic these attributes. I'm reading this book slowly, devotional style, so I can take it all in. As I read each chapter, my awe of who he is increases and my own conviction grows as I see how I try to put myself in his place. Do you want to truly know yourself? Then get to know God! Do you want to find comfort in his magnificence? Then know how to name these attributes and what they actually mean!

I had no idea how much I would love this book, but I certainly do. Also, it's super easy to read so that's a bonus. Jen takes deep concepts and writes about them in a way that isn't alienating and/or frustrating. This book is for everyone. Men, it's for you, too. I recently read a comment by a pastor who is taking his whole staff through it. Jen also had this to say about a different book she wrote, but it applies here, as well: "FAQ: "Is there a book like Women of the Word aimed at men?" Not that I'm aware, but the concepts aren't "pink". Just rip off the cover, bro." Wisdom and sass make me so happy. 

Do you need a fresh perspective on who God is and who you are in light of him? Do you need to freshen up your time with your mentee? Are you wanting a good summer read? Would you like to go through a good book with some friends or your community group? Are you curious because I keep telling you it's that good? I've got some good news for you! I believe in this book so much that I bought 20 of them. For eight bucks, you can pick one up this Sunday or make arrangements to stop by my office to pick one up during the week. (I'll order more when the time comes. I plan to keep these on hand.)

I would love for many of us to be mulling over these ten characteristics that only belong to our great God. It will deepen our faith which will deepen our conversations which will deepen our relationships which will deepen our church which will deepen our desire to talk about him to people who don't yet know him. Beautiful. 

To make things interesting I'm going to do a little giveaway. Leave a comment below with a chance to win a copy of this book AND a $30 gift card to Amazon. Obviously, if you win I don't want you to use the $30 on a new swimsuit or cardamom, but I can't control your purchases. Just remember, I love books. I can easily recommend ways for you to spend $30 on great books if you don't know where to start. Leave a comment and I'll choose a winner in a week or so. 

Let's spend the upcoming summer slowing down a bit, reading a good book or two, and getting to know God more and more so he can show us who we are in him. Self-awareness at it's finest. 

Preparation and Expectation

My good friend, Nate, gave the message during Second Mile's weekly gathering this week and challenged us all to prepare our hearts for the coming Week of Prayer and Fasting (January 22-29.) I wanted to cheer when he read Proverbs 24:27, saying he was asking God to build a house of prayer out of our body.

"Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house." Proverbs 24:27 (emphasis added)

I hunger for God to build our church into a house of prayer, and I also want to be a watchman waiting and ready for him to do what he will do. If I am going to be ready, then I must prepare and strengthen my weak knees and drooping hands.

"Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord." Hebrews 12:12-13

All of Hebrews chapter 12 is worth a read in terms of preparation. Here are a few highlights:

• We are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses that have run before us. 
• Throw off sin so you can run with perseverance. 
• Look to Jesus who is perfecting our faith. 
• Consider Jesus so you do not grow faint or weary. 
• Discipline produces endurance to pursue holiness.  
• God's kingdom can't be shaken.
• Offer God acceptable worship with reverence and awe. 
• He is a consuming fire. 

Apart from reading Hebrews chapter 12, let me share a few more ways I'm preparing for the coming week of prayer and fasting with the hope of helping and challenging you. Sometimes I'm practical to a fault, so when leaders tell us to do this or that, I'm often left wanting someone to tell me how. Let this encourage you in the how. 

Here is a list of ways I'm preparing my heart for the week of prayer and fasting: 

~ I'm regularly reading Isaiah 58 to remind myself about the type of fast that God desires. If you aren't sure where to start, use this passage. It shouldn't surprise you much that I'm telling you to start with God's word. Why in the world would we ever begin with our own thoughts or someone else's thoughts? 

~ Nate talked about spending time searching our hearts to "get rid of our junk" which is necessary. I know I'm only scratching the surface of my heart at this point. In the past, going without food inevitably makes me more hungry for God which makes me more open to hear from him which is when the inner scum really comes to the surface. I consider these next few days the tidying up of my heart so I can be ready for the deep cleaning I don't even know I need. I promise it's way better than it sounds. Even in a deep heart cleaning, his kindness leads us to repentance. 

~ As a church we spent 41 weeks of the last year in 1 Corinthians. The prayer guide is being written with 1 Corinthians as a backbone, so I'm reading over my notes to remind myself of the richness of what we learned as a body and what I learned as an individual. 

~ I'm reading Prayer by Timothy Keller, an excellent book. I highly recommend it. In the book he refers to many psalms of prayer. I'm trying to read them and take them in as I go. 

~ This step is very practical. I've started to shrink my stomach. A friend of mine posted something about leaving "the eating season" which perfectly describes November and December for me. Instead of going cold turkey, I'm lessening portions and snacking which may not necessarily make it easier to not eat, but it is making me mindful of what it means to prepare. 

~ I'm also asking God how long he wants me to fast. Have you ever considered asking God point blank how many days he wants you to fast? What if you've fasted the whole week in the past, but this year he would like you to add a day or two? Or what if you are hell bent on the rules and status quo of a literal week and he would like you to fast for only part of the week? If you ask and don't hear a specific number, have no fear. Trust the leadership of Second Mile and fast for the set aside time. 

~ Finally, I'm asking God to prepare my heart. Simple as that. As I pray for preparation, I'm also asking him to fill me with hopeful expectation of his kingdom come and of eternity with him. Make no mistake, I'm not laying any demands in front of God. I'm simply asking him to come and commune with me, Chad, my kids, and my friends (you) in a beautiful, life-giving, himself glorifying way. This is all for him after all. It isn't about us, although, in his goodness, we certainly benefit. I pray he increases my hunger for him and his return above all things. 

Have you started the preparation process? Do you have any other ways you are preparing? I would love to learn from you. 

On your mark, get set... 

source

Participating or Spectating

In Chad's message on Sunday, he talked about the importance of living out our faith with community. Hebrews is full of instruction for believers to encourage one another, to be hospitable to each other, to love each other like family members. The DeSoto family is all of this and more for my family. I love all of them so much. 

For my readers who don't live in Tucson, Angela is on staff with Second Mile as our very gifted worship leader. The woman can sing like nobody's business. But her beautiful voice pales in comparison to her heart to see Jesus magnified and glorified. The Spirit of God has gifted her to lead people musically to worship him, but also in working out their faith in their everyday lives. By all good definitions, Angela is a leader. I'm blessed to call her friend and privileged to work with her in ministering to our church. 

Not too long ago during our staff meeting, Angela began to share with us how she was challenging the people she leads to use Chad's message series through Hebrews to deepen her personal bible study. I loved what she was sharing so much, so I blurted out, "Would you be willing to write a guest post about this?" But, then we never really talked about it. This week she emailed these great words to me. 

If there were anyone Angel could’ve asked to write on this topic that would feel completely inadequate, it would be me.  Couldn’t she have asked me to write a post about how to style hair? I would knock that one out of the park. However inadequate I may feel, I am willing to share my experience and hope that for someone out there it will encourage you to approach the word with refreshed resolve. 

Over the last couple of months I have had several conversations with women within Second Mile on the topic of studying the bible and daily “quiet times” (how did that name ever come about? I think it’s dumb). The concern these women were having was that it was hard to know where to start, how to connect their study time with other areas of their lives, and how it felt daunting in light of receiving so much great content on Sundays from Chad and not always digging as deep as they could there first. Beginning another study in the bible seemed overwhelming.

On Sundays we come and participate in taking in the word. We don’t allow someone to spoon-feed us. We have to be active participants to fully grab all that we can out of it. That’s why we don’t call our Sundays a service, it is a gathering and there is a call to participation that can’t be ignored. With that, if we want to really dive into the depths of the word we have to be note takers. This is not a judgment towards anyone who doesn’t do this, but I personally would only get out a fraction of what I do if I didn’t take notes – again, I am a participant, not a spectator. What then do I do with those notes? Wait until an hour before community group starts to crack open my journal again so I can conjure something up before discussion starts? No. There is so much more to dissect there. We are truly missing out if we are limiting our study of the message to only Sunday and community group. 

What I have been trying to make a discipline and have been encouraging these other women to do as well is to take the chapter we are going to study on Sunday and read it through before Chad teaches on it. I read it multiple times. Then after the teaching I read it again. I read through my notes and my questions and read the chapter once more. I cannot tell you how much I get out of the scriptures when I develop meaningful repetition.  There is light shone on areas of scripture that I otherwise would’ve overlooked until I slowed down and chewed on the scriptures this way.

One night last January, John and I awoke to our 12 year old telling us there was smoke in her room. We couldn’t find the cause, called 911, and waited outside. While waiting we could see the amount of smoke slowly increase. When the firemen arrived they went through their routines to do an initial assessment of the situation. They went into the house, came out and reassessed. They did this several times and then got on the roof and decided whether or not they would have to go through the attic. They worked intensely but strategically until they found the root cause. They didn’t go in and just start spraying water everywhere assuming they knew what was going on because they know fire. Nor did they wait outside too afraid of the unknown inside. They are trained to be strategic and planned but to also not miss anything. This is how we should approach the word daily and use the incredible teaching we have been given to plan, strategize, dig in, read again and again, and find every nugget of truth out of it that we can. Is this done all in one day? No, take the time to move throughout scripture through the week with patience, eyes to see, and ears to hear. 

The last point I want to encourage with is how much I have enjoyed pulling verses out of the chapters we are studying in the gathering to memorize for the month as I am involved with Moxie Memorizers. This has been incredibly enriching and beneficial and I look forward to continuing this approach for a while.  

What is your approach to studying the word? Do you find it easy to compartmentalize what the Sunday teachings are with what you are studying on your own? Or have you found a rhythm of going deeper throughout the week in the study offered us through Chad’s teachings? Whatever your approach I pray the word continues to be living and active and sharp in your life. 

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Thank you, Angela! I pray God uses your words to push us all to know Jesus more through actively participating and engaging in his word! 

Please leave some comment love for Angela. Answer her challenging questions with your thoughts. 

I pray you experience great blessings through God's active and alive Word! 

Claw Foot Bathtubs and K Awards

Third grade ate my lunch. I spent my kindergarten through second grade years in a small school in the thriving metropolis of Kermit, TX, population 8,000 or so. My family was blessed enough to move into a bigger house across town (a whole mile or so) which meant I would have to transfer to the other elementary school, Purple Sage, aka Purple Prison. I don't know why the kids called it that because I'm sure it was a lovely school with lovely teachers, but I was convinced. I would begin the third grade in prison away from the friendships I had obviously worked diligently as a 5-7 year old to cultivate, and by cultivate, I mean sharing my crayons and chasing boys on the playground.

To be a little braggy, I was a top dog my first three years of school. I know for a fact I was one of Miss Lemon's favorite little first graders. She had an awesome claw foot bathtub full of pillows in her room, and if you got the most papers on the board for a week you could take your rest time in the tub. It was so fantastic. (Sometimes I wonder if she ever washed those pillows. Can anyone say head lice? *shudder*) I received so many awards my first grade year that she started coming up with new, exciting ways to treat me, such as drinking a coke out of the bottle while sitting in the school office. Let me tell you a first grader in 1980 felt pretty darn awesome with a reward like that.

I didn't, however, receive the title of teacher's pet in second grade. With Mrs. Riley probably no one did. We sat in rows and dared not utter a word. I'm convinced she's started me down the track of my fear/hatred of math. Let's just say she didn't really want to help me understand how parenthesis work in an equation, but that's for another story. However, in Kermit, TX in the 1980s at the end of every school year, teachers passed out these beautiful certificates called K Awards, and Mrs. Riley thought I deserved the best handwriting award plus a couple of other acknowledgments. In first grade, Miss Lemon gave me a stack of K Awards. So, in first and second grade my desire to achieve for recognition was born.

Can't you just imagine how funny and cute it must have been seeing me belt out "I AM A PROMISE" at the top of my lungs during the talent competition of the Miss Cinderella Pagent? I think my mom may be the only one on the planet that would defend how amazing I actually was.

2nd Grade, I think, but maybe 3rd grade based on the awesome pair of grown-up teeth that seem to be making their debut.

But, this surely is 3rd Grade, maybe. But that short suit... don't be jealous. 

Third grade, however, was a whole new playing field. "Thankfully" (kind of) I had a "friend" (kind of) from church in my class. Truth be told, I was pretty much jealous of her because I fully believed she could do everything better than me... roller skate, sing in our kids' choir, memorize bible verses, all the important little kid things. And "thankfully" she sat right in front of me in our row on the first day of third grade. She thought it would be a good idea to turn around and tell me all the things, and therefore, our teacher thought it would be a good idea to write our names on the board as a lesson to the whole class that chatty brats would not be tolerated. And I cried. I had never in all my life been in trouble in school. Purple Prison lived up to its name on the very first day of school.

In third grade, I struggled to make friends, didn't win any class competitions, rarely had a paper put on the board, peed my pants in class, and didn't receive a single K Award. I most definitely thought I deserved something. I mean, I had achieved in first and second grade. How could I have been so overlooked in third grade? It was a rough life for a 9 year old. The struggle was real, folks. Do not doubt it. 

Recently I was blessed with the opportunity to travel to Austin for the IF: Gathering. In the first session, one of the speakers prayed very strongly for God to speak to all of us, "to give us a word." Simultaneously in my heart, I was telling God that if he had something specific I would listen, but that he owed me nothing and I would be content to be in his presence. But do you know what he did for me? Gave to me in very specific, personal ways. He is a good, good Father. 

Throughout my life I've been a hard worker, sometimes for the sake of hard work and sometimes for the sake of what I could gain, whether an award or a friend or a pants size. But, God showed me during IF that through the years of my life, what seemed to be an independence or an indifference to people's response to me was actually a wall of protection I had built because of life's disappointments. 

You see, I believe it's all connected. What happened to us as children certainly affects how we interact with the world as adults. God showed me that as a nine year old I began to believe the lie that I was overlooked. One would think that something so seemingly insignificant wouldn't affect me, but one would be wrong. As God was gently revealing this to me, I saw glimpses of how I responded to situations in middle school, high school, college, and even now, of how I played off being "overlooked" like a cool cat. I had let a corner of my heart become hard and stoney. 

The ironic truth is that I am overlooked by people quite often. As God was working in my heart during one powerful song, he was revealing to me that through all the overlooking, I had begun to believe that he was also overlooking me in order to use other friends, other leaders, and other churches. Through his kindness he was breaking the chains on my life by whispering to me that I belong to him, he knows my name, he uses my gifts, he has me in the place he chose for me. 

Please know I haven't been walking around for the past 33 years trying my hardest not to be overlooked. The rotten fruit of this lie recently showed up in my life by way of a discontentment in wondering if I was doing enough or even if I was enough. I found myself constantly looking to the left and to the right to see what others were doing, and to see if anyone was looking at me. It was exhausting, and most definitely robbed me of contentment and joy. What he showed me that day in Austin is that he is enough. Now I've known this in my head for years. With my hands lifted high I could honestly and loudly sing all the songs telling him that he was enough for me. But the beauty of rich, God-revealed living is that he not only wants us to know his truths in our heads, he wants us to experience them in our lives. Through the power of his Spirit, he was moving this grace from my head to my heart, so I could live it, believe it, and proclaim it. Such sweet relief.   

To wrap up the weekend at IF, we each wrote our step of faith (where and what) to show how we would respond to what God spoke to our hearts. I wrote: My place is Tucson, and my step is to believe that I'm not overlooked and to lead my people with as much love as I can give. Honestly, I think I've been loving them strongly for a really long time. But, I also know that I've reserved the stoney part of my heart for self-preservation for when someone leaves, or gives harsh critique, or chooses someone else over me. And guess what! People will leave. I will receive harsh critique. Others will be chosen over me. But as much as I know I would not overlook my children for someone else, I know God doesn't overlook me. And as much as I know my children aren't meant to do everything all the time, I know God does not mean for me to take on responsibility that he hasn't given me. And as much as I want my children to find their niche and be filled with such great joy while maintaining soft, pliable hearts, God wants me to love where I'm serving, love the gifts he's given me to use, and to allow him to mold and make my heart more and more like his. 

Interestingly enough, when I returned to Tucson, I heard from my women that I love to lead, that they missed me. They, too, wrote on rocks while engaging in the simulcast of IF, and they left their pile of rocks on my desk which was a beautiful display of their love for me. I use the words on their rocks to pray for them by asking God to give them strength, perseverance, and joy as they take their faith steps. 

Friends, even if the people around us, people we think should see us, people we long to know can't seem to even remember our names, God never ever overlooks his children. He doesn't seek to give us a job or a platform or a best friend or a spouse or the perfect house to prove he remembers us. He has already given Jesus and his Spirit to prove that we've not been overlooked. He is fully available to us. We no longer need to look to the left or to the right to see what others are doing or to see if they are looking at us. We only need to look to straight ahead to the face of God. 

So, if you made it this far, congratulations! This lengthy thing is more like a chapter of a book than a blog post. Thanks for hanging with me until the end. As a reward (ha, see what I did there?) I'm doing a little give away. To enter all you have to do is leave a comment. Answer one of the following questions and then at the end of the week, I'll draw someone's name. 

I'm giving away Donald Miller's new book Scary Close. It is so, so good. I read it in a couple of days, and if you know my slow reading abilities that should tell you how good it is! Mr. Miller will challenge you in your ideas of vulnerability and relationships. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and I will read it again.

Leave comment to enter because you want this book. I promise.  

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What have you been learning lately? Did anything I shared resonate with you? In what ways do you see you are God's beloved? In what ways have you seen the connectedness of your life? 

Many blessings in your faith steps! 

In What Shall I Boast

My soul feels bound up today. Tears wait on the edge of my eye lids while the lump in my throat grows big enough to burst into yelling.

If God is real then...

I've struggled with this question since I first read about the IF: Gathering. The ability to answer the question for myself eluded me. By no means was it the intention of the leaders to create a question that would spark doubt, but for me, deep in my guts I questioned my own motives, years, purpose. All of the sudden I wondered. Too much.

The wondering birthed some unwelcomed cynicism in my heart. Several of my closest friends agreed together to engage with IF and to host a small group through Second Mile. As time grew closer to the event, I felt more and more unsettled. I blamed it on the ambiguity of the conference, the gathering, the whatever it was/is, but it was only today that I finally put my finger on the spot in my heart that birthed the cynicism.

Before I reveal that spot, I want to say I really loved IF. In the moments of each speaker, each song, each story, engaging with 20 or so dear women whom I greatly value, we were refreshed, refilled, reunified. We sang loud. We got on our knees together. We laughed. We shared deep parts of our hearts. I was continually reminded throughout the weekend that we are part of an extraordinary church that challenges one another, that retreats together, that shares life together, that longs for Tucson to know Jesus together. We often take for granted our courageous church. It was not lost on me that only a few short weeks earlier many of the women who gathered for IF had gone without food for an entire week in order to seek Jesus together as a community. These things have become normal to us. Refreshed from the week of prayer and fasting led beautifully into refreshment from the IF leaders who were used by God to speak to our hearts. Beautiful.

If God is real then...

For me, God is real. Was I supposed to still doubt? If I can believe he is more real, then will it change my life more? Will it help me do more? Will I have more insight? Will I then be able to do some crazy humongous thing that will receive Christian world-wide acclaim?

Cynicism. Darkness. Smallness.

It seemed to hide its identity from me until the first discussion time. I drew my question out of the pile available. "What is holding you back?" I asked my group to come back to me because I wasn't sure of the answer. As each woman answered her own question it became so very clear. I was cynical. I confessed to my friends, and said a prayer of repentance to Jesus, but oddly enough, the understanding of it all only became clear today.

When I was 18 I came to the place of realizing I didn't want to live my life without Jesus. The teenage years worked me over like a rag doll. Opting out of floppy limbs, a floppy heart, and a floppy mind, I went straight into battle mode. Praying, reading, learning, and growing in knowing and loving Jesus became an obsession. I wanted to do big things for God!

I went on trips, met with any leader who would talk to me, talked to strangers with passion while standing on tippy toes and smiling about how much he loves us, married a crazy, yet level-headed, passionate guy who also wanted to change the world. We went to another country, shared our love for God, met God-fearing people who showed us God was much bigger than the American God I had created in my mind, studied a language, adopted an amazing kid... all before I turned 25.

We returned to the States telling God we would serve him in specific ways, yet he took us on a completely different path, we had more kids, lived in other states, discipled college students, decided we should start a church with ten amazing friends... all before I was 30.

We began a church called Second Mile, labored with sweat and tears, we've given around 1500 gifts to strippers, parented eight kids, partnered with people who love Tucson, walked with women towards freedom...all before I was 40.

Doesn't it sound braggy? Oh, but I don't mean it to. I'm reminded of the passage that Paul shares all his accomplishments and then so beautifully says, "If I must boast, I boast in the things that show my weakness." In Galatians he says, "May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ." Yes. Boast in Jesus.

The cynicism was birthed out of my own soul boasting. How could they ask me, a 40 year woman who has been trying to bust her butt to serve Jesus If God is real then...? Come on, people! Look what I've been doing the last twenty years? Who are you to ask me IF I am living as IF God is real? I. Am. Trying. Can't you see that?

Defeated. Disheartened to think I haven't been doing enough. Too exhausted to consider doing more. Unable to answer the questions of those I lead about what God would have us do.

The truth is I do believe God is real. I see his activity all around me. Sometimes by his grace I get up and join him. Sometimes because of my fear, or stubbornness, or ignorance I watch the marching go by without me.

If God is real then I will press into him in order to be more like him when I'm 41, when I'm 48, when I'm 50, when I'm 67, when I'm 70, when I'm nearing my finish line.

If God is real then he knows my cynicism and wants to right my heart towards his statutes and not toward selfish gain.

If God is real then I will not demand to be used by him, and I will get on my face and dwell his holy presence, delight in him as he sings over me, allow myself to just be.

If God is real then I will realize that Jesus didn't start his public ministry until he was 30 which means he waited 30. long. years to go big for his Father. We've only been in Tucson for not quite 10 years. Easter marks our tenth year of taking gifts to dancers in men's showclubs. Ten short years. Am I willing to wait for 30? If God is real then I will stay the course.

If God is real then my faith must believe that God is who he says he is! Faithful, merciful, kind, just, loving, good, unrelenting, pursuant, almighty, jealous, with us, I Am.

If God is real then I must believe I am who God says I am! Daughter, redeemed, beloved, forgiven, worshipper, entrusted with talents, co-heir, laborer, door holder for his kingdom.

If God is real then I must run my own race and not look towards other leaders and assume they don't know the trenches. My gaze must be fixed on the cross. Run my own race. Run my own race. Run my own race! Run well with my community, cheering one another on, sharpening each other as we go, carrying each other as we need, pointing each friend to Jesus.

Through the week of prayer, through IF, through so much soul searching this week, I've surrendered my cynicism. It is an ugly recurring theme in my heart. I'm asking God to remove it from my stoney heart through his kindness and grace and give me a heart of flesh that fully believes Him. He has mapped out a trail run for me that I fear has twists and turns, drops and rocks, and peaks and pits. As I keep my gaze on him I know he will make my path feel straight and narrow, secure, and enable me to keep both feet on the ground, rooted deep into the Rock that is higher than I.

Will you run with me? If God is real then he gave us to each other. He doesn't want us to run alone. I need you.

What is your If God is real then statement? Let's share together so that we may fix our gaze on Jesus, and together, boast in nothing but the cross.

A Read Your Way to Superstardom Giveaway

Many thoughts are swirling around in my heart and mind today. The week of prayer and fasting mixed with the IF:Gathering mixed with Chad's message Sunday night make me feel like I've consumed five energy drinks while carrying a loaded semi up the hill. Energized, heavy, and a little crazy...that's me.

I can't really make sense of it all today. Some of those blog posts will come out in the days to come. There were three specific burdens rekindled through the above mentioned experiences. One of them is to blog more because I actually enjoy it. Another one was to stick to my clearly defined boundaries in other areas of ministry which, incidentally, will afford me to opportunities to blog more. Do you see that little circle of convenience? If I don't meet with all the people in one week then I can blog and do some other things I love. By the way, this is not a commentary on any of you. The problem/awesomeness is I love to meet, invest in, and talk with women. I have to be the one that says, "I would love to get together, but I can't this week because my schedule is full." That isn't your job. It's mine. I own my issue of boundary ignoring.

An area of atrophy in my life since my stroke is reading. You know I've already lamented on my blog about the difficulty of reading. My broken brain just wouldn't cooperate. It usually left me sad, frustrated, and exhausted. The fantastic, wonderful, fabulous news is that my brain continues to get better and better and stronger and stronger. My ability to read longer and retain what I've read is a tangible example of healing.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't have the super power of reading like some of my friends do. (I'm looking at you John W., Steph K, Alisa W.) Some people can blow through a book in a minute or two, but that's not true for me. I would love to classify myself as an avid reader, but it would be a lie. However, I do aspire to be a disciplined reader.

A few years ago I read a quote by Harry S. Truman. "Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers." It deeply resonated with my desire to grow in leadership. It fortified a disciplined determination to read.

found on pinterest

Whenever people tell me they don't read because they just don't like it, I'm left a little shocked. Guess what? I don't like it either. I like baking and sipping iced tea, but if all I do is bake cookies and drink tea I'm going to be a fat old lady with brown teeth. Reading will make me stronger, smarter, more influential. If you don't want to influence anyone, then fine. Don't read. As for me, I'm going to will myself into turning as many pages as my brain will allow and after a good rest, I plan to turn some more.

To just blab on about reading, but not help anyone in their journey is lame. Therefore, to encourage the beauty of reading, I'm hosting my first blog give away. You are about to have the chance to win not one, but two prizes.

I don't want to just tell you to read, I want to help you, so the big prize is a $30 gift card to Amazon. You can pick out some books that have been on your wish list. Side note, if you don't have books on your Amazon wish list, change that today. It is an easy way to keep a running list of books you hope to read in the future, even if you don't purchase them from Amazon. Of course I realize someone could take the $30 and buy this or this or this, but I'm hoping you won't.

The second part of the prize is Shauna Niequist's book Bread & Wine.  Many of you in my circle of friendship that hope to win have already read the book. If you win, give the book to someone who will enjoy it as much as you did. I love the way Shauna tells the story of her life. She weaves her words beautifully. I feel calm and inspired when I read her books. That, my friends, is a good combination of feelings.

To enter I'm getting a little fancy pants on you. I honestly couldn't figure out a more fair way to do this thing. Excuse me while I feel a little awkward about it. The first time I taught a step aerobic class I felt quite silly, especially since I was wearing awesome hot pink leg warmers (not really.) There will be no leg warmers for this, but a rafflecopter is about to make its appearance and I'm going to ask you to do things like "follow this blog" and "share on Facebook and/or Twitter." Feels an awful lot like my first step class as an instructor. In that class and in this give away I may feel a little like this:

source

Anywho, you can enter to win by leaving a comment about what book you are reading or want to read. You can leave a comment with a verse you are memorizing because you all know how that makes my heart sing. You can click on the little follow this blog button on the side for an extra entry. If you already follow it counts as an entry. Finally, you can share this give away on Facebook or Twitter. You can enter six times. There ya have it!

I will do the whole post the winner and stuff on Tuesday the 18th. One week.

a Rafflecopter giveaway


I'm looking forward to reading your comments already!

Because I Said So

One of my blog world pet peeves right now happens to be a very popular trend. It actually makes me cringe every time I see a Facebook post with four little words in the title. I couldn't put my finger on the specifics of why it bothered me so much until the last few days.

As I mentioned in my last post Chad and I are currently leading a group of up and coming leaders in Second Mile. Challenging a group to think deeply about different aspects of leadership always challenges me to rethink and relearn, as well as enjoy new ah-ha moments of leading others. One of the exercises we work through in the class is coming up with a list of our own personal core values. Friends, this is not an easy process. I've been working on my list for a couple of years now and it is finally coming together in a more satisfactory way. In fact, I'm ready to share my list with you. Just kidding. I'm definitely not at that point. But I will share one.

               Understanding

I so value understanding. The funny thing is I shared with the group last week that "self-awareness" was one of my values, but in just six short days it morphed into the more descriptive value of my life as "understanding."

Through the lens of truly understanding, I highly value

• knowing who I am, how I'm wired, how I process the world.
• when others truly know themselves and seek to be better.
• the background of those who are telling me stories.
• the history and context of someone who is hearing my story so that I can fit my words into their framework.
• the opinions of others. (This is a developing skill. Note I said understanding opinions, not agreeing with opinions.)   

A couple of passages in the Bible have been key in my heart and I didn't realize the connection until Sunday night. 

Psalm 119:33-34 

Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees that I may keep them to the end. Give me understanding, so I may keep your law and obey it with all my heart. 

Proverbs 18:2 

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing her own opinion.

I've always been a person who wanted to know why. "Because I said so" continues to mean pretty much nothing to me, not because I'm rebellious, but because I value understanding. I want to understand and help my kids understand. I want others to understand. I want to understand the Bible so I can obey it with all my heart. Understanding bolsters my relationship with Jesus and my relationships with others. 

Before I get back to the pet peeve I mentioned earlier, I want to make a clarification so you can understand I don't mind if you've done this. There is no judgement from me to you. I only cringe when I see the posts because my heart to is see the whole picture, a response, an ability to understand. You've seen the posts. You've been stirred by them. You've even sided with some of them. 

An Open Letter To ________________. 

Dear celebrity, 

Dear politician,

Dear moms of younger children,

Dear moms of older children, 

Dear person I've never met and will probably never meet, 

Dear person I don't know how your day is going and you were really rude to me so I'm going to respond to you, 

Did you see me just get up on my little soap box just now? 

Dear lady on her soap box who should step on down from there, 

Please know I get the point of these letters. From my understanding (heehee) they are to make a directed point in an area of disagreement with something or someone we've encountered in our life. And let me just say even those of us who haven't actually written one out have possibly written them in our heads in one form or another. 

The problem to me is a lack of understanding, a lack of dialogue, a lack of response. The verse I mentioned above says that a fool doesn't try to understand, but only airs their opinion. I do not want to be a fool. 

Actually, I want to respond to others with understanding which is perceiving and comprehending. Understanding does not mean I have to agree with everything. But for me to be able to engage with love towards those around me, I want to understand. When I don't understand I find myself responding with fear or hate or apathy or annoyance or extremes. 

But even if I don't agree with a personal political preference, but work to understand someone's point of view, I can respond with dignity, directness, and diplomacy. 

Even if I don't agree with how someone can be so hateful on the road to another driver, I can seek to understand that maybe they are having a bad day or were raised with different manners than I was, and I can respond with dignity, compassion, and directness. 

Even if I don't agree with how someone in my community is dealing with a life situation, I can seek to understand their perspective and lovingly come along side to help, carry the load, bestow dignity. 

When we don't respond to the world with understanding, we set ourselves above others, we steal dignity which is part of being an image bearer of God, we lose our voice to the world around us, we look closed off and closed-minded. 

If you know me you know I have strong opinions. Understanding does not mean you forfeit the right to think and formulate opinions. On the contrary, understanding deepens your personal insight into the world around you as you lean heavily on God's word. Twenty years ago I naively began to ask God to give me understanding into His word and how it applies to the world. His faithfulness to sand paper away the edges of dogmatic opinion has led me to love Him more deeply which has led me to love others more deeply with a desire to understand. 

The great thing about a blog post like this is it only creates more questions for me. How does understanding differ from agreement? How can you seek to understand in split second scenarios without passing judgement? At what point does seeking to understand become a hinderance to action? 

What about you? Have you thought about understanding the world around you on a micro and macro scale? To you, what is the link between understanding and dignity? 

Share you thoughts with us. Send me an email if you want more discussion on this topic. I will work to seek understanding in your thoughts and questions. 

Jumbled, Confused, and Strong

I haven't posted anything for a few weeks. If you know me personally or you've read any other posts you probably know why I've been kind of quiet.

Chad and I are still visiting doctors so I can get poked and prodded as doctors try to figure out why I randomly had a stroke one day. So far, all my systems have checked out beautifully which is a very good thing.

My heart? Great. My blood? Excellent. My arteries? Clear and flowing. One more test to check the smaller blood vessels in my brain. I wonder why they couldn't check the smaller ones when they checked the larger ones, but who am I to question a neurologist? I planned lessons about leaves for children in college. (No offense to all you fantastic amazing teachers out there.)

After this final test when they tell me the small blood vessels in my brain are also perfectly fine (which is, of course, what we are praying) we will move forward with a cryptogenic stroke diagnosis which basically means I randomly had a stroke one day. More about that when it becomes the actual diagnosis...

As for my quietness in blogging, my brain hurts. I mean, I can tell you exactly where my stroke occurred because when I think for a long time on a subject, or review my memory packet for too long, or engage in intense conversations, or plan four sessions on Titus 3 for a women's retreat my right temporal lobe throbs. So, in order to avoid pain in my brain, I avoid this blog.

The thing is I love this blog. It is a convenient tool to use with the women of Second Mile I am blessed to lead. A few people I've met though out life read my thoughts which humbles and excites me. It has also become a conduit for relationships with women I would have never "met" apart from this crazy internet land. When I'm not blogging I feel somewhat voiceless in these areas.

I was blessed over this past weekend in that Retreat de Moxie gave me the opportunity to use my voice with 47 lovely ladies. I spoke on Titus 3, challenging the women with reminders of how to treat people, who we were before Christ, that we are saved by His generous kindness and love, and how we should treat one another. The passage continues to play over and over in my mind. My prayer is it is playing over and over in their minds, too.

To be honest, this weekend took everything I had. The sports mantra "leave it all on the field" popped into my head several times during the retreat. After each session I went to my little closet that my sweet friends transformed into my room and laid on my air mattress and let the tears stream. Don't worry, friends. It's mostly stroke symptomatic. However, there was also emotion stemming from desiring my old brain back. I didn't want to have to lay down. I wanted to talk with everyone, to hear what each person was processing, to stay up late and laugh, but physically I just couldn't.

As I would lay there and pray, 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 became more personal than it had ever been.

There was given me a thorn in my flesh (in my brain). Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it from me (probably more like 30 times.) But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in all kinds of weaknesses." Therefore, in the quiet moments in my closet I chose to be thankful for this new weakness which allowed me to depend on Jesus in a way I never had. In my weakness, I pray he used my words to challenge the women and glorify Himself.   (Paraphrased and made personal)

After the third and last session on Saturday evening, I sat down and turned my heart towards Jesus to thank him for letting me speak to His daughters. I confessed to Him that I felt like it was the worst teaching I had ever spoken in my ministry years, that it was jumbled and confusing because my brain felt jumbled and confused, but asked that He would use it anyway. I confessed my feelings to some friends and they told me my assessment was wrong. Isn't the Spirit funny that way? When I felt my absolute weakest, He made something good for His people to hear.

"Remind the people...Titus 3" 

Thank you, Moxie ladies, for letting me lead you during the retreat. Your prayers helped to lift and carry me. You all make me so happy.

Thank you, friends, for continuing to love and support me during this weird time. I often tell myself what I'm going through could be much worse in order to gain perspective, but perspective does not diminish the fact that my brain has changed and this is difficult.

My hope is to continue to write on this blog. I'm pretending it is good therapy to help the re-wiring of my brain progress a little faster. Don't you agree?

Retreat de Moxie friends. Photo taken by the lovely Monique. 

And Then It Hit Me

One of the common discussions that emerged from Retreat de Moxie over the weekend is that we didn't feel beat up because it wasn't as introspective as past retreats.  To be honest, I've had to release my disappointment in not having the intensity level that I so love. Being the prophet that I am, I love a good Holy Spirit wake up call. They may not be fun, but they are oh so good.

This evening I had a brief conversation with my friend, Emily. When I told her my struggle, she told me that this year's retreat was just as intense for her as the other years and she began to tell me about what God is asking her to do and why it will be difficult.  She articulated it beautifully and I'm not going to steal her story for this blog, so either I'll ask her to write a guest post about it (please, Emily?) or you will have to ask her to fill you in.  It's good stuff.

The planned theme that we focused on over our weekend together was understanding the importance of sharing the story of Jesus in our lives with those who don't follow Him.  After the first session, speaking and music, it became clear that another major focus of the weekend was the holiness of God. Beautiful worship and discussion filled up the space of the building, as well as the space of our hearts. Maybe it didn't slap us around, but it drove many of us to our knees.

I was thinking, praying, and surrendering any results that my flesh wanted from the retreat this evening after I talked with Emily.

And then it hit me.

Friends, the intensity that I so long for is coming. Oh, I so hope we press in and embrace it!

It will come in the choices that we will be facing to open our mouths with our friends.

It will come in the soul filling delight He will take in us when we do open our mouths.

It will come in the rebuke of His disappointment when we choose to not speak His great name to our friends.

Intensity will come when we see our friends choose to follow Jesus.

Intensity will slap us hard with grief when some our friends reject Jesus.

It will come in the self-discipline it will take to continue to pray for a burden for our friends and the spiritual gift of evangelism.

It will come as He refines us to speak our stories for His glory alone.

The intensity of a retreat like the one we just experienced may not have been overwhelming in the moment, but if we continue to take to heart the deep things He so beautifully revealed to us, we should be continually refined, challenged, encouraged, rebuked, and growing in deep heart wrenching ways.

Oh, I'm excited now! To think that the punch you in the gut results that I so long for will be constantly coming our way in the coming days gets my blood pumping!

Are you ready? Here we go.

Less than Stellar

Writing blogs lately has been difficult. You could say that I'm in a bit of a blog fog. Ministry life can be complicated, and many of the issues I sort out in my mind aren't appropriate for the blog. Raise your hand if you would like me to blog about the conversations we've had in the last few weeks?  That's what I thought.  I don't see any hands.

Also, the start of middle school for Kyle has been less than stellar. His core subject teachers are long-term substitutes. His elective is exploratory arts, and his teacher is reviewing 3rd and 4th grade math instead of exploring art. Making contact with the school has been next to impossible, so I went to the school this morning and told the office ladies that I was going to plant myself in the waiting area until I was able to speak with someone. After having a strong conversation with the office manager, (who, by the way, is very good at her job) I was assured I would receive a phone call from the principal within a couple of hours.  The principal did call. We had a decent but not helpful conversation, so I have a meeting with her on Monday afternoon.  I'm very confused about which direction to pursue for Kyle.

The point of this post is that I'm feeling a bit discombobulated.  Moxie needs some attention. I would like to make a to-do list, but I'm not sure where to start. My kids schedules are in overdrive. Kyle's school is disorganized and I will advocate for him. My house needs a good cleaning. Our internet is broken, and the swamp cooler makes our house a sticky wet mess. If anyone needs to humidify your plants, just let me know.

However...

This stuff is small potatoes. Kyle's education is definitely important.  The women of Moxie are one of my priorities.  But, who cares if I have a dirty house or internet or a swamp cooler?  Because of God's great love for me and his new mercies every morning, I will not allow drama to overtake my heart. Do you ever experience that gnawing feeling pressing down, that feeling that sneaks up and makes everything feel huge, overwhelming, and impossible?  I don't want to over-simply because some situations are huge and overwhelming, but I'm not going to get bogged down in the drama my heart sometimes tries to create.  Asking God to provide my family's daily bread, not leaning on my own understanding, and not worrying about tomorrow minimizes drama in the best way.

I pray that you are able to discern situations in your life that need attention or are just drama filled distractions.  Prayerfully, my mind will soon be a place in which I can blog about a good meaty topic! Or maybe something really good, funny, and embarrassing will happen about which I can tell the world! But for now, I'll keep thinking, praying, processing, and surrendering.  Thanks for being patient with me.

Moxie Memorizers

Oh Dang!! I've been so busy with first day of school thoughts, that I didn't even realize it was time to post our verses for the 15th! Sheesh! I better wake up and pay attention!

Thank you all so much for stepping up, being honest about your journeys in memorizing scripture, and staying the course in what we've committed to God and to each other.  I wouldn't want to do this without you! More than 25 people posted on the August 1st post! If that doesn't encourage all of us, I don't know what will! Let's keep up the good work. To be honest, driving my kids to school and picking them up gives me built in discipline time to review and to memorize. Don't worry. I keep my eyes on the road. I just steer with my knees! Kidding!! I'm kidding. Come on, lighten up a bit! 

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I've been contemplating leadership. The verse I will be memorizing over the next 15 days reflects what has been stirring.  

Psalm 78:72  And David shepherded them with integrity of heart; 

with skillful hands he led them.

My hearts desire is that I will lead with integrity, care for people's hearts, and God will increase my skills as a leader.  I'm so glad His word is full of applicable wisdom.  

What about you? Don't be shy. Post your verses and feel free to share any thoughts that may be stirring in your brain.