Empty to Full :: Lessons from Romans 8

People often declare "I'm so glad such and such year is over" or "Such and such year was the worst year yet." I'm not one to proclaim such extremes because every given year has victories, defeats, joys, and heartaches. This is my disclaimer as I head into sharing how God used January 2020 to fill me up after the emptying that was 2019.

I would never give details as to why I ended 2019 depleted, but I can say God stretched me through ministering to others in both brutal and beautiful ways. As many of you have heard, I studied Isaiah last year. (Hopefully soon I can muster the courage to write about some of what I learned through the study.) I'm confident God equipped me to do what he asked me to do by meeting me in the depths of Isaiah. He truly strengthened me with his power in my inner being through his Holy Spirit (Ephesians 3:16). Nevertheless, December arrived and my heart was heavy and sad. There were no reasons/words to explain the sadness. It just blanketed my heart. So I read Scripture about Christ coming once and Scripture about Christ coming again. His promised return was the hope I clung to through the jingle jangle holiday noise. I looked to the change of the decade with trepidation and leaky eyes. 2020 would prove 15 years of leading Second Mile, 25 years of marriage, and would usher in an empty nest.

Separately, Chad and I both felt prompted to set aside the month of January for some intensive spiritual emptying and replenishing. I floundered a bit after studying Isaiah, my head spinning, some of the dust settling, and not exactly sure what next step to take. I tried to work through a Bible study by a famous author and it only annoyed me (because of me, not because of the study). I looked into some other in depth book studies but felt frustrated and overwhelmed. In desperately needing something for my soul, I gave up all the "I shoulds" and simply read a few Psalms and Romans 8 every single day. (If you aren't familiar with Romans 8, stop right now, go open your Bible or click on the link and read it.) I knew it was a meaty, beautiful, redemptive chapter, but I couldn't have known how God would use it to completely revive my weak, depleted self.

My current Bible study tools 

May what God showed me through these January lessons from Romans 8 encourage you. Do not compare your own journey to mine. It pushes me to pursue God when others around me tell me how and what they are learning. My motives are to humbly strengthen your faith as I show you how God strengthened mine.

As January began, I didn't know what or how to pray for myself. He showed me that it didn't matter, that not only was the Holy Spirit interceding for me (vs 26), but Christ himself is at the right hand of God interceding for me (vs 34). Immediately he put me at ease that he knew exactly what I needed and was praying on my behalf.

One reason I couldn't escape the exhaustion of the last year is because I replayed conversations, events, and situations over and over in my mind, sometimes through prayer, but often simply because my brain was stuck. Through verses 1-8 he showed me how I had set my mind on things of this world and on things of the flesh. He very clearly says to do so is death. There is no life in dwelling on what I cannot understand or change. In the kindness of God he rebuked me, led me to confession and repentance, and reminded me that to set my mind on the Spirit is life and peace (vs 6). Prayerfully with God's help, this verse will forever be written on my heart. When I start to despair about the past or the future, he brings this verse to mind and leads me to life in Christ which is peace. Thank you, Jesus.

He reminded me of how secure I am in Christ. He reminded me that to be led by the Holy Spirit is to prove that my adoption by him is secure (vs 14). When the Bible speaks of a follower of Jesus being secured in his eternal family because of adoption, it resonates with me because adoption is momentous in my earthly family. But the passage goes on to say because we are adopted we can cry out to our Father (vs 15). Through a little more study, I learned the word 'cry' (krazo) means to scream, to cry aloud. This isn't a soft little whimper. This is a guttural "I NEED HELP, DAD!" He knew I cried out in this way many times last year and then he met me in the moment of reading this passage to hear my deep cry for restoration. I've continued to find healing from shame concerning emotion. The Holy Spirit removed yet another layer of shame as he invited me to cry aloud to him because I'm his daughter.

And then, the whole next section bolstered my understanding of deep guttural groaning for God! Our sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed to us (vs 18). What a promise! Then he says creation groans for Christ's return (vs 22), we groan for his return so that our bodies can be redeemed which means no more suffering (vs 24), and that the Holy Spirt himself groans as he intercedes for us (vs 26). I can't even express how these words describe how I felt over the last year, how I groaned for an end to suffering and for his return over and over. I can hardly make it through a song about Christ's return without tears streaming down my face. But then he reminded me through verses 24 and 25, that as his adopted kids, we hope for his return, but we hope for it with patience. Groaning through grumbling and complaining is entirely and completely different than groaning with longing and expectation. The line is easily seen and crossed when my disgust and discontentment is woefully disguised as hope. My God-focused hope is displayed through groaning that longs for God's glory in the whole world, for God to make all things new, for God to wipe away every single tear, for God to end suffering forever SO THAT every knee will bow in worship and WE WILL enjoy our one, true, holy, righteous, loving Lord God forever and ever. Come quickly, Jesus, and we wait for you with patience.

There is more I could share, but the final lesson I want to explain is the most personal. As I stated above, this is a big year for Chad and me: 15 years at Second Mile, 25 years of marriage, and launching our last two kids resulting in an empty nest. One of my main strengths is that I'm a very present person which enhances my relational abilities. I don't dwell on the past and I don't look to the future; I'm mostly fully present. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? What this means in real life is it is difficult to see myself in future circumstances. The short story is for more than 20 years, I've been very present with my kids. I would say being their mom is some of the best of who I am. Yes, I know I won't stop being their mom when they leave home, but it does change. I can easily see with Kyle and Esther that our relationship has only gotten better, and I'm believing the same will be true for Morgan and Carah. I'm not afraid of it. My fears come out in the very practical thoughts of what will I do? As I stated earlier, I am present. I can't see myself in the future without the daily grind of caring for my kids. My heart feels squished when I try to envision it. It's vulnerable to tell you I've asked God to speak to me through his Word about this for many months now. On one of the last days of this emptying and filling Romans 8 process, he answered my prayers in the simplest, most beautiful ways in a passage I've read probably a thousand times (literally). "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?" At this point in the month, my heart was FULL of God's love. He met me, healed me, replenished me, rejuvenated me, and refilled my emptiness. He then whispered to my heart that nothing will separate me... things present OR things to come. The same love that I'm experiencing in the present moment is the same love that will carry me in all things future. It truly is such a simple idea, one church kids hear in Sunday school. But, he so lovingly answered my prayer to speak to me through Scripture and not my own knowledge about launching my kids. He will uphold me because I am secure in the steadfast, unfailing love of God. The sure-footing of his love will ground me as Chad and I launch our last two kids. Simple and still profound. He is good and his Word is living and active.

Through the emptying process of January, emptying of fatigue, of expectation, of myself, God faithfully filled me back up, with his love, his presence, and his Word. I'm ready for what's next, but not because I'm confident to achieve anything for or through myself, but because my confidence is in Christ. May he continue to establish and strengthen our faith and cause us to overflow with gratitude. I will never ever stop telling you that God faithfully uses his Word in our lives. Do not give up. Keep reading. You will reap a harvest if you do not give up.

Stability, Abundance, and a Giveaway

Way back in 2005, right after we moved to Tucson to plant a church called Second Mile, Chad attended a conference about starting a church. My guess is he expected to return to our new city with ideas and strategies. Instead, he shared with our small group of ten that God had only impressed on him one thing: Teach Scripture.

He often tells me he's a simple man and this one life-transformational, God-given direction demonstrates this reality in his life. From that point, my beloved husband 'simply' began systematically teaching books of the Bible, verse by verse, chapter by chapter. From his faithful obedience to teach what God told him to teach and our church's faithful obedience to take in the most delightful passages as well as the most difficult passages, our church continues to grow... in depth more than breadth, but still, both.

He shared with us a few weeks ago that we will be starting the Gospel of Matthew on February 17th. After over a year in 1st and 2nd Samuel, heading into the New Testament excites me to no end. I hope you'll join us on the journey.

To pump you up a bit, I'm going to do another give away. It turns out I love giving you things, especially books!

Jen Wilkin recently shared this new book series and it immediately sparked joy for me. They are gorgeous, individual books of the Bible, so obviously, I ordered 10 ESV Illuminated Scripture Journal: Matthew books. I think the gold-foil stamped cover is lovely. As we go through our new message series, one could use this book to journal, to take notes, to create art that moves you to worship, etc.

With joy, I'm going to give away 3 copies. Comment here, on facebook, or on instagram with why you are looking forward to Matthew. I'll give it a week or so, but don't delay. In the last giveaway I hosted, only 27 people participated... pretty good odds! I am also selling these for $6. Let me know if you would like one. I'll have them on Sundays or you can arrange to stop by my office.

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On prayer and fasting:

As most of you know we recently finished up our annual Week of Prayer and Fasting. As I consider how you all engaged, I decided to share my experience to encourage you. One of my kids deeply strengthened me recently as they observed and stated that Chad and I keep pressing in, year after year, allowing God to refine us no matter how "big" or "small" some might perceive the refinement. I hope you know we are all in with you, no short cuts or easy outs for us.

January 8th was a rough day for me. I lamented to Chad that January sucks: The holidays are over, Kyle and Esther move back to their school places of living (i.e., not home), Morgan and Carah go back to school, we stop drinking coffee, we have to write the prayer booklet, and then we don't get to eat. Whhhyyyyy??? 

As you can see, I was feeling all my feelings about what was to come. Thankfully, God did not leave me in my misery and was faithful to teach and show me great and unsearchable truths despite my dread of the month.

First, physically:

Giving up caffeine was harder than ever before. Thankfully, we started our coffee fast on January 7th before we began fasting from food because my age and my addiction showed this year. I had every, single, withdrawal symptom for almost a full week. Fun times. I'm going to be more aware of my caffeine intake from now on, and next year, I will not go cold turkey. A little research goes a long way, my friends.

After we all broke our fast on January 27th, I struggled with brain fog, weakness, fatigue, and sadness, again, for almost a full week. After talking to my good friend, Aluvia, I learned that next year, I need to have quality electrolytes on hand. Of course, some of my sadness was due to the let down after a week of intense church togetherness in prayer and fasting, but the other struggles were physical. It was no joke.

(Many of you do not know this and I only share to encourage and challenge you, definitely not to boast.) Chad and I often extend our fast longer than one week. This year was the longest I've ever fasted and it was, by far, the best experience I've ever had. I'm amazed at how God designed our bodies. It's incredible. Typically in a food fast, the first week is often difficult. For me, after week one, my body settled down, my brain was quick and clear, and I felt almost invincible. Of course, I hungered, but boredom bugged me more. If you want to extend your fast in the future, let's talk. I'm happy to help and challenge you. (I do think the extended fast is what made breaking the fast more difficult. Chad and I researched how to break it, we ate only veggies and broth for almost three days. I missed the electrolyte piece, but I'm on it for next time.)

More importantly, spiritually:

Each year, extending the fast gives my heart and mind more needed time to work into the required stillness. The first week I spent wrestling. As the toxins left my physical body, I imagined the toxins leaving my soul. Prayerful tears spilled over as I began to see lack of love and patience in areas of my life, but resolve and hope didn't come until week two.

Currently, I'm studying the book of Isaiah. God used his Word to show me his love in a couple of distinct ways:

Through the years at Second Mile, I've always been one of the oldest people, if not the oldest person in our body. This reality, I believe, has kept me young, so I do not usually complain, even though I often jokingly make the observation. The last couple of years increased my awareness of my age difference. My kids are older; Chad and I will be empty nesters too soon. I'm 45 which isn't young. (Yes, I know it isn't old either. That's why it's called middle-aged.) What I didn't know, or at least didn't care to notice, was a growing angst, impatience, and isolation/self-preservation slowly threading it's dark thread through my heart. I found myself frustrated by the age difference, not caring about generational differences, wondering about my place in our community with so many cultural shifts. I felt awkward at best and irritated at worst. As he often does, God breathed kindness and gentleness into me again through prayer and scripture. It feels like a deep inhale of fresh air after the rain. What a gift to be asked to lead people! May my life continually overflow with the fruit of the Spirit. He specifically used Isaiah 33:2, 5-6. He is my arm of strength and the stability and abundance of my life.

Thursday in the prayer booklet, we were asked to spend time in confession and repentance. (Full disclosure: I wrote most of this day. What was I thinking?? Eek!) With great kindness, he pulled back the veil on great fear I've been holding in my heart about the next few years. So much (feels like too much) change and transition is coming my way. I won't get into those details, but I will say in my own self, I'm scared. Part of the fear is the wrong belief that there isn't enough to go around, there is a shortage of opportunities, friendship, space, and even love. God showed me that I do not have any doubt that there is enough for everyone else. I fully believe there is enough for all of you all the time. The darkness of my wrong thinking is that there isn't enough for me which leads to me over-protecting myself and over-loving/serving everyone else. Deep plowing of my heart and mind to be sure. Again, he graciously used Isaiah 40 to show me there is absolutely no scarcity in Christ. And, I begged him to show me how to deal with the coming changes. Instead, he showed me he has not forgotten me, he is the everlasting God, and then asked me to wait for him instead of running ahead to figure out all the answers. I imagine I'll have to cling to Jesus and these revelations many, many times over the next few years.

Friends, please do not allow what I learned through our Week of Prayer and Fasting cause you to compare, complain, or confuse what you did or did not learn. We seek communion with God when we do this; we do not seek great "experiences" of him. My main source of joy and sustenance throughout the fast was Jesus alone. This year he poured out his generosity through conviction and healing to me, but I don't expect him to work in the same ways all the time. He is enough. His Word speaks to me. His Spirit moves. I'm humbled and grateful.

What was your experience as you prayed and/or fasted? Did you engage with the booklet? What did you learn? Was it difficult and good or difficult and just difficult? Share with me. I would love to know. And don't forget about the Matthew journal giveaway. I have so much love for you all.

Fasting, Worship, and a Winner

Last week, I wrote about books I enjoyed last year and hosted a little book giveaway. I'm happy to announce Tia Edwards won the giveaway! I'll get your books to you soon, Tia.

And, because I want to and I can, I drew one more name for Storm-Tossed Family. Erin Anderelli, it will be coming your way!

Since I have you here already, I want to share some thoughts that have been rattling around in my brain lately.

This past Sunday, Chad spoke about fasting. If you haven't heard the message, please do so. A friend of mine told me they thought it was very helpful and dynamic. This link will provide years' worth of fasting messages if you want to learn even more.

Second Mile has engaged in a week of prayer and fasting since it's conception. Our first one was in January of 2005. If you've participated for years or this is your first one, I hope you will ask God how he wants to to engage in the coming week.

All of our beautiful booklets

I'm a practical girl, so I want to share some things I've learned over the years with you. I hope you enjoy my bullet points.

• There are no rules when you fast. Chad will say this again this coming Sunday, but it can't be emphasized enough. There. Are. No. Rules. This causes a struggle for those of us who like rules to define our boundaries. In fasting, if you bind yourself up in any self-conceived rules, you may miss a lesson Jesus has for you, not to mention you'll be miserable trying to figure out/keep the rules. On Sunday, I told a college student I had never done a water only fast. He seemed genuinely surprised. The main reason I haven't engaged in that way is because I know my tendency towards legalism. So, liquid fasts, including juice, have been my process. We shall see how the Holy Spirit leads me this year. 

• If you drink coffee every day, start weaning now. Seriously. Constipation, headache, and even muscle aches genuinely suck when you are also hungry. Just consider it your pre-fast. 

• If you are thinking you can't fast because you have young kids, you're wrong. You can. It's just difficult. I do feel your pain and can empathize. My kids were little, needy, and always hungry, too. (They are still always hungry.) This specific aspect of discipline will give you an opportunity to be reminded that we are in the world, but not of the world. You will have your hands all up in your kids' peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, they may even shove it in your face to offer a bite... just like the world. But, the Holy Spirit enables us to say no to the temptations of the world, and he will give you the ability to say no thank you to the peanut butter. And if you forget and accidentally take a bite (speaking from experience), remember there are no rules, so just laugh at yourself, thank God for his good grace and mercy, and keep going. 

• Don't go to Costco during sample time. Seriously. It's the worst. 

• You're going to have to pee. A lot. But you must keep drinking water so your body can regulate and flush out all the gunky stuff that's stuck to your insides.  

• You're going to be cold. I read about the cause once. The answer satisfied me, but I can't remember it. So if you want to know why, just google it. 

• My favorite: this week of not eating makes me feel really weird when I'm walking around Tucson. I sometimes imagine how the people I see at the store or at school drop-off would react if I told them I hadn't eat in ____ number of days. They would certainly freak. You may even have family members tell you how unhealthy or unsafe this process is. It could feel isolating, but remember, we are part of the body of Christ. One thing that gives me great comfort throughout the week of fasting is knowing that I am not alone. My Second Mile brothers and sisters in Christ are engaging, too. Even the few times I was unable to fast for whatever reason, I disciplined myself to remember that I am part of the whole, that we all carry one another. I will think about the togetherness every day which leads me to think about it more consistently throughout the year. And, if I know anything about women, I know almost all of us struggle with loneliness from time to time. This week is an excellent reminder that we are not alone. We have the good gift of the Holy Spirit living inside us AND we have the body of Christ, the global Church, and our own local churches. For me, it is my beloved Second Mile family. 

I could say much more, but I should stop for now. 

Every year I'm nervous/excited about the Week of Prayer and Fasting. I'm genuinely excited to walk in obedience by fasting, but I'm nervous because I really like to eat. I wrote this post way back in 2011. It's an old one, but it may still be useful to some of you. 

This is a packed post, but I want to offer a few more thoughts on worship as you consider how you will fast and pray next week. 

A few Sundays ago, I was struggling. I felt hard-pressed on every side, so I chose to stand and sing as loud as I could. I needed to acknowledge that God is bigger than my problems and even bigger than the problems of the world. I wanted to focus on his righteousness, holiness, and love. Through the simple act of standing, singing loudly, and opening my hands to God symbolizing releasing my grip, I felt stronger in him. My problems, and certainly, the world's problems didn't go away, but God was glorified above it all. And, bonus, I let the enemy know to Whom I belong and where my affection lies. 

Let me encourage you, next time you are in your car listening to your favorite worship songs or next time you are at a gathering of people where you get to worship Jesus through music, sing with gusto. It doesn't have to be loud, but your heart needs to mean what you sing. If you can, raise your hands as an act of surrender. As you grow in not caring what anyone thinks (including yourself), allow your heart, mind, and body to engage in worshipping Jesus. Worship, to me, is also and act of defiance to our enemy and to remind him that he is doomed. When you think of the power of worshipping the Most High God, your whole self will want to engage. 

"Our exuberant worship of God -- our get-up-out-of-the-chair-and-lift-our-hands-and-raise-our-voices-to-heaven worship of God -- is an act of audacious defiance against the spirt of this present age relentlessly, successfully, and daily indoctrinating us in nauseating self-praise." ~Beth Moore 

I'm praying for each of you as you consider how you will participate in the Week of Prayer and Fasting. Send me a message or leave a comment if you have more thoughts and/or questions. I love hearing from you. 

Do you have any questions about fasting? What is your experience with musical worship? How and why do you engage? 

Preparation and Expectation

My good friend, Nate, gave the message during Second Mile's weekly gathering this week and challenged us all to prepare our hearts for the coming Week of Prayer and Fasting (January 22-29.) I wanted to cheer when he read Proverbs 24:27, saying he was asking God to build a house of prayer out of our body.

"Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house." Proverbs 24:27 (emphasis added)

I hunger for God to build our church into a house of prayer, and I also want to be a watchman waiting and ready for him to do what he will do. If I am going to be ready, then I must prepare and strengthen my weak knees and drooping hands.

"Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord." Hebrews 12:12-13

All of Hebrews chapter 12 is worth a read in terms of preparation. Here are a few highlights:

• We are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses that have run before us. 
• Throw off sin so you can run with perseverance. 
• Look to Jesus who is perfecting our faith. 
• Consider Jesus so you do not grow faint or weary. 
• Discipline produces endurance to pursue holiness.  
• God's kingdom can't be shaken.
• Offer God acceptable worship with reverence and awe. 
• He is a consuming fire. 

Apart from reading Hebrews chapter 12, let me share a few more ways I'm preparing for the coming week of prayer and fasting with the hope of helping and challenging you. Sometimes I'm practical to a fault, so when leaders tell us to do this or that, I'm often left wanting someone to tell me how. Let this encourage you in the how. 

Here is a list of ways I'm preparing my heart for the week of prayer and fasting: 

~ I'm regularly reading Isaiah 58 to remind myself about the type of fast that God desires. If you aren't sure where to start, use this passage. It shouldn't surprise you much that I'm telling you to start with God's word. Why in the world would we ever begin with our own thoughts or someone else's thoughts? 

~ Nate talked about spending time searching our hearts to "get rid of our junk" which is necessary. I know I'm only scratching the surface of my heart at this point. In the past, going without food inevitably makes me more hungry for God which makes me more open to hear from him which is when the inner scum really comes to the surface. I consider these next few days the tidying up of my heart so I can be ready for the deep cleaning I don't even know I need. I promise it's way better than it sounds. Even in a deep heart cleaning, his kindness leads us to repentance. 

~ As a church we spent 41 weeks of the last year in 1 Corinthians. The prayer guide is being written with 1 Corinthians as a backbone, so I'm reading over my notes to remind myself of the richness of what we learned as a body and what I learned as an individual. 

~ I'm reading Prayer by Timothy Keller, an excellent book. I highly recommend it. In the book he refers to many psalms of prayer. I'm trying to read them and take them in as I go. 

~ This step is very practical. I've started to shrink my stomach. A friend of mine posted something about leaving "the eating season" which perfectly describes November and December for me. Instead of going cold turkey, I'm lessening portions and snacking which may not necessarily make it easier to not eat, but it is making me mindful of what it means to prepare. 

~ I'm also asking God how long he wants me to fast. Have you ever considered asking God point blank how many days he wants you to fast? What if you've fasted the whole week in the past, but this year he would like you to add a day or two? Or what if you are hell bent on the rules and status quo of a literal week and he would like you to fast for only part of the week? If you ask and don't hear a specific number, have no fear. Trust the leadership of Second Mile and fast for the set aside time. 

~ Finally, I'm asking God to prepare my heart. Simple as that. As I pray for preparation, I'm also asking him to fill me with hopeful expectation of his kingdom come and of eternity with him. Make no mistake, I'm not laying any demands in front of God. I'm simply asking him to come and commune with me, Chad, my kids, and my friends (you) in a beautiful, life-giving, himself glorifying way. This is all for him after all. It isn't about us, although, in his goodness, we certainly benefit. I pray he increases my hunger for him and his return above all things. 

Have you started the preparation process? Do you have any other ways you are preparing? I would love to learn from you. 

On your mark, get set... 

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The End of a Season

To be jolted out of my sleep when the pitch black night still lingered didn't surprise me even though the clock glared, "4:00am." When you set aside a significant amount of time to pray and fast strange things happen. I shivered with deep cold in my bones all week. My sleep had been restless. My muscles ached. But, my soul was still and listening.

Deep, resonating conviction thickened the atmosphere of the room, so I sat up and dangled my legs over the edge of the bed to listen. 

Immediately I knew my time on the Cord of Hope giving team was over. 

Have you ever fought a battle for so long that you actually gave up fighting? Within minutes of quiet listening, God established a resolved ordinance in my guts, and showed me how tired my soul had become through 11 years of visiting clubs and leading this ministry. 

"The time is now, Angel. Let it go." 

"But what if..." 

"What ifs are not yours to carry." 

Relief came instantaneously as I thought about releasing the going, releasing the burden, releasing the chaos. And then relief gave way to conviction. 

"You've been carrying such darkness in your heart and mind, Angel." 

"I know. I'm so tired and I don't know how to make it all go away." 

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." 

Tears streamed down my face as the Spirit of God used his own written word to ask me to share my deepest struggles with a friend who would pray over me. I so hoped he would give me someone who would/could just fix my brokenness, but all he asked me to do was confess so she could lay hands on me and pray. Recently I read that communal confession is a forgotten discipline. We go through the motions of confessing our sin to God, but we find no freedom because we are really only confessing to ourselves. True confession and repentance brings heart change. Isolated confession always allows for an out. Communal confession allows for prayer, accountability, and true healing. In a moment, God took knowledge which had puffed up my head, and asked me to work out authentic faith through action. 

Many times as a leader I find myself in conversations I would rather not have... confrontation, a call to holiness, pointing out scripture people would rather ignore, and conflict for too many reasons. It sucks actually. One of my biggest fears as a leader is pride. I regularly struggle with the "who do I think I am" question. In order to combat this fear in my leadership, I consistently ask God to purify my life, my thoughts, my heart, and my actions. I ask him to teach me to obey his word, to be my main affection, to help me delight in him above all else. At 4:00 on a Thursday morning during the week of prayer and fasting, he showed up to answer my prayers. 

His kindness leads me to repentance. (Romans 2:3-5)

His law is perfect and revives my soul. (Psalm 19:7)

He strengthens me in my weariness. (Isaiah 40:29-31)

He illuminates the dark in me. (Psalm 139:11-12)

His forgiveness allows me to stand. (Psalm 130:3-4)

Friends, there are days I simply want to give up. It's all too hard. I want to go to work, come home, put on stretchy pants, turn on the tv, and zone out.  But, I know deep in my bones it wouldn't lead to the full life God wants for me and my family. 

May I count everything a loss compared to knowing Jesus more and more and more. May his name be lifted higher in my life every single day. May I point people to him through truth and love. When I have done everything I can to do to stand against that which seeks to destroy, may I still stand firm on Jesus, the name that is above every name.  

What about you? What or who is your greatest affection? What is the evidence of your claims? What are you learning and how do you plan to put it into action and not just puff up your head? 

On Fasting, A Review

In just a few days, the people of Second Mile will join hearts/hands, tighten our grip, and seek God together through prayer and fasting. So many new people joined our body this year and I've wonder if the thought of fasting is intimidating or overwhelming to some. I decided to give you a glimpse into what the week of prayer and fasting looked like for me in the past to encourage you as you engage this year, whether it is your first time or you've been doing this for years.

One of my go-to verses, one that is in my head almost every time I pray (no exaggeration) is Jeremiah 33:3. It says, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things that you do not know." What a beautiful, encouraging, and focusing promise! I continually claim this for myself, my family, my friends, and my church. I'm praying it for you, too.

As you consider what it means to fast, let me remind you this is not a legalistic, reward-based pursuit. We deny our stomachs as an act of worship. The emptying of our physical selves allows us to empty our wholes selves in order to be filled up with God. If you've never fasted from food, don't start with not eating for a whole week. Choose one or two days to go without food. If you've fasted before, challenge yourself to extend your fast by a couple of days. Whatever days you choose, let Sunday, the 24th be your last day because we will break fast with communion during the gathering. The experience is unifying, worshipful, and beautiful. (Chad will teach on fasting this coming Sunday to provide further scripture, instruction, and help.)

Take a look at some of these stories of my past fasting experiences. I hope it helps you as you look to the coming week.

This specific post walks through four personal lessons of fasting. My favorite part of the post is explaining how fasting tangibly shines light on the fact that we are exiles on this earth. If you don't read any other linked posts, read this one.

Sometimes we make excuses about how we have to eat, that fasting isn't reasonable. It is definitely true for some. If you are performing surgery on someone, please don't get the shakes from lack of food. However, our bodies have a way of convincing us to make excuses. Personally, I've been making excuses for a couple of weeks about why I don't need to exercise. I'm lying to myself. Don't lie to yourself about how you just have to eat. Listen to the Holy Spirit. Eat or don't eat, just make sure it is out of obedience, not excuses.

And sometimes you absolutely need to eat, and going without food would be completely legalistic and irresponsible. In that case, figure out a God-glorifying, flesh-denying alternative.

And finally, sometimes we need someone else to challenge us in prayer and say things like, "Do you want God to revitalize your church? Revitalize your prayer life." Zinger.

Dear ones, I so hope one or more of these posts encourages you for the coming week of prayer and fasting. Several of us have worked diligently on the prayer guide and we are expectant for what God will do in and through our prayers. Ready yourself. If you have any questions, please email me!

Hebrews 12:12-13 

Therefore, lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. 

On Fasting When You Have to Eat

This is Second Mile's tenth annual week of prayer and fasting. I know it is cliche to say, but I really can't believe we've been doing this for ten years. It blows my mind just a little. The act of gathering as a church with one heart and mind to start the year praying through the same topics and fasting from a variety of pleasures bonds us, strengthens us, and challenges us.

Through the years I've fasted for different lengths of time from food. One year I skipped the internet for the week, but decided it didn't draw me closer to Jesus in the end. For me, fasting from food forces me to experience emptying myself and relying on Jesus in mysterious ways. The clarity and worship not eating brings to my heart, mind, and soul lifts me up. Therefore, last year when people who love and care for me brought up the fact that I should probably eat during our special week because of the health issues I was facing, I felt crushed and left out. In God's mercy and omniscience, I learned to engage in the week in different ways and I grew in compassion and understanding for those who cannot fast for a variety of reasons.

The excitement for this year's week of prayer and fasting has been building in my heart for months. Go big or go home, right? Since I didn't fast from food for the week last year, I figured I could just go ahead and fast a few days longer than the week this year. To be clear, my motives were not to make up for lost time, but to celebrate the healing that's taken place in my body and to rush into the presence of God. However, my sweet, loving husband who does more than I could ever explain to take care of me, especially since I don't often take care of myself, sat me down a couple of weeks ago to gently bring up the fact that I'm taking blood thinners, that fasting from food may not be the best option considering the potency of the medication, and that I should do some research. If you know me, you know I was instantly in the state of "Whatever! I will deny myself food if I want to!" That's kind of an ironic statement of rebellion if you think about it.

Long story short, Chad was right. Shocker. He's right most of the time. I love it and it drives me crazy. I can rely on him completely, but I can rarely win a debate on details and logistics. Again, if you know me, you're laughing at me debating details and logistics. Let's just say those two words do not translate well in my view of the world.

I'm writing this little blog post for those of you who may be thinking and wondering about how fasting pertains to you. Some of you are on medication, or are nursing babies, or take care of sweet littles and not eating could endanger them, or work in very stressful or strenuous jobs. We are all at different places in our lives. Important notice: This is not a blog post to give anyone an excuse to not fast from food if God is leading you in that direction. There are people in our church who have stressful jobs or take care of sweet littles that fast from food. You must run your own race! You must seek God in this area, ask him about fasting, and obey.

I'm letting you know what I will be doing for this year's fast to invite some of you to join me. I've taken some ideas I've found on the internet, as well as Jen Hatmaker's 7 book to come up with my own personal plan.

Starting soon, I will only be eating apples, chicken, broccoli, and brown rice, using minimal olive oil, sea salt, and pepper to cook the broccoli and chicken. My stomach needs something or my blood thinners will turn on my body. We don't want that. For me, I will be limiting my quantities for each meal, but if you choose to join me, you should check with your doctor about your necessary caloric intake.

Eating only these four foods for a week will force the issue of simplicity, which is important in fasting, will cause me discomfort, which comes with fasting, and will make eating about sustenance and not so much about pleasure, which food is almost always about pleasure for me.

If you have any questions or thoughts, leave a comment or shoot me an email or Facebook message. I will promptly reply. What are your plans for fasting? What has been your experience in fasting and prayer? How can I help, encourage, and pray for you through this walk of obedience? 

Let me end this post with these important words:

Romans 14:17  

The kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. 

Hebrews 3:12-13 

See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of us has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the Living God, but encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that 
none of us may be hardened by sins deceitfulness. 

Hebrews 10:23  

Let us hold unswervingly to the HOPE we profess, 
for He who promised is faithful. 

Open Our Mouths

The weary players walked into the still quiet dressing room. Sweat dripped from each brow. Bumps and bruises adorned bodies and souls. Some required help entering because they were too tired and weak to walk on their own. Some didn't realize a break was needed because habits had pushed them to mindless routine. Energy and focus waned.

During the time-out, each person gave up a treasure dear to their flesh in order to more fully engage in listening to instruction. Quietening hearts and minds seemed key to the needed rejuvenation. Small groups of players gathered to seek wisdom and direction. Individuals spent time alone to listen.

Knowing that the Spirit of the Living God would be their sustenance challenged new depths of dedication. The battle distracted so many from longing to commune with Him. Reading and hearing that He desired to give rest to the weary, to break the chains of injustice, to teach great and unsearchable unknowns, to set captives free, and to build up His church administered hope.

Silence was had. Prayers were prayed. Songs were sung. Hearts were focused. 

The time to return to the fierce battle of living in the world returned. Unity and awakening had spread so intensely within each soul. Hands lifted in worship and voices shouted the great name of Yahweh. The needed break to reenergize, refocus, reunify came to an end. The resolve to fight and open mouths to bring glory to God consumed motives with hope to move to action. 

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Thank you, friends.  I love, love, love my church. To fast and pray as a community, and to so intentionally seek God with all of you is a blessing that cannot be described. I'm thankful for Chad's leadership in challenging us to fast, and I'm thankful that so many of you took the challenge to heart. Worshipping Jesus with all of you through fasting, prayer, and singing challenged me deeply. My heart is full. 

Now it's time to put our hands to the plow and do what he is asking us to do! As a church God is asking us to open our mouths. Chad will discuss this more in two weeks, but let's not wait until then. You already know who you should open your mouth to. Is it someone you've seen several Sundays during the gathering, but you just "haven't had time to meet?" Is it the person you sit next to in class? Or the barista that knows your name and how you like your fancy drink? Is it that person that has become such a good friend that you always thought it would be too awkward to bring up spiritual things? Is it the family that lives in your neighborhood with the loud kids? Is it your sister or brother, your mom or dad? Are you going to open your mouth and share love and life through Jesus with someone? 

Let's do it, friends. Let's open our mouths. It is time. The break is over. The feast was eaten. Our friends are waiting.  

Eph 6:19-20 

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. 

A Different Kind of Week

Last week a friend asked me if I face spiritual warfare during the week of prayer. Based on past experiences, my response was the truth. Because of the intentionality in seeking Jesus, I had never felt like Satan had much room to mess with me during the extended time of fasting and prayer.

And then this week, the battle struck.

You know what, friends? This has been a fairly difficult week for me. Bad dreams, premonition type weirdness about family deaths, lies from my past as far back as High School. So strange. The battle is in not letting any of that junk take hold of me, but it has been frustrating to say the least. I was hoping for the exciting, joyful, face lifted to heaven type of prayer week. Instead it's been a groaning, jaw clenched, "Satan, you DLB, get out of my face" type week.  Through the power of the Spirit and not my own might, my focus continues to be with the topics my community is praying, as well as praying for individuals in my community.

Over the last year or so, God has been speaking to my heart about leadership. The leaders in my life that I have respected and trusted have been ones with a strong work ethic, the ability to go longer, harder, deeper; the ones that I knew if they were asking me to do something that they were out in front and would be there to the end with mental toughness and fortitude. They made the vision clear and gave me tools to be part of accomplishing the vision. In the times of following these great leaders, it never occurred to me the battle they were enduring on my behalf.

I am asking God to build mental toughness in me, to give me the ability to go longer, harder, deeper. I desire to communicate clearly, speak encouragement and challenge into the lives of those I lead, and to consistently and deeply pray for the people God puts into my life. But, above all of those desires, I really just want more of Jesus. I desire to live a life that points others to Him and not to myself.

Philippians 3:7:11

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I now consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ...a righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in is death and so somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Psalm 73:25-26

Whom have I in heaven but you? And the earth has nothing I desire besides you. My heart and my flesh may fail, but my God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever! 

Week of Prayer

I've been struggling with what I thought was a case of writer's block. I always have something to say, but I just haven't felt motivated to write a blog. This morning the reason occurred to me.

Over the last couple of weeks, Chad and I worked really hard on writing the prayer guide for our annual week of prayer and fasting. We discussed how much of our heart and soul is poured into the guide. So, what I would normally be writing here was funneled into the booklet.

This year I feel very strongly that the Spirit  directed us as each day's topic formed. I'm praying God shows and teaches us new insights in praying for the world, our city, our church, one another. It's going to be a great week that propels us into the battle that comes with living in this world.

Many of you have heard me say this, but I believe it can't be said enough. This week is not about the week.  As a church we are getting on our knees, focusing, and asking God to do great things among us for His names' sake and His glory among all peoples.

If you don't live in Tucson, please feel free to check out the prayer guide. If you are so inclined, our church would be blessed by your prayers. Or, feel free to adapt the information for your own community.

One more thing...

Last night the women of our church gathered to pray. Thirty-five women showed up. I was floored. And excited. And humbled. To think how much we've grown since our beginnings seven years ago.... oh, it stirs such gratitude in my heart! Thank you for coming, friends. I'm praying for all of you (and for those who couldn't make it) this week.  As I often pray, I'm asking God to teach you great and unsearchable things that you don't yet know about how great He really is! (Jer 33:3)

Detox Delight

I forgot that when the kids went back to school and Chad left to study, the house would be quiet, meetings would be sparse, and my head and heart would experience loneliness.

Over the holidays, I indulged. Physical and spiritual discipline were not at the top of my priority list. As a family we rejoiced, celebrated, played, and experienced fullness in Jesus and love from each other, and as a result, contemplation and restraint flew out the window.  Taking this month, and maybe the next, to refocus through specific fasting and prayer is what my heart needs.

But, starting this last week was not easy. At all. I was reminded that I'm clearly not as awesome as I had hoped.

Second Mile's annual week of prayer and fasting begins on January 22nd. This year I want to be very focused on day one. I don't want to use any part of the week to get ready for the week. I'm using January 2nd-21st to prepare my heart for the intensive week of praying with my church family.

And, I'm so glad I'm starting this process because like I've already stated, I'm just not as awesome as I had hoped.

This week I experienced loneliness. I pouted. I said extreme statements like "fasting is stupid" and "I'm going to do what I want, when I want." I missed my family so much. There was a big cloud hanging over my head that had nothing to do with hormones. And I squandered a lot of time.

Whew. I'm glad it's gone...the week and the cloud. This last week of physical, emotional, and spiritual detox was necessary.

I'm writing all of this as an encouragement to my Second Mile friends to get your heart ready for the week of prayer. Don't wait until Sunday, the 22nd. Start now. Take it from my experience...we are not nearly as awesome as we think we are.

To those of you that don't attend Second Mile, take at least a week this month to set aside to pray. Set aside each day with something specific to focus your prayers. Our prayer guide will be posted online and I will add a link so that you can adapt it for your church and/or pray with and for us.

Looking forward to the great and unsearchable things God will teach us gets me excited. Enjoying the glory of God's presence in our lives gives me motivation.

How are you preparing for the week of prayer and fasting? Have you considered setting aside a week to fast from something you love to pray and seek Jesus? What is something you depend on that God may be asking you to do without so that you can truly experience Him? Are you anticipating hearing from the Spirit as a body while we seek Him together?

Hosea 10:12 

Sow for yourselves righteousness. Reap the fruit of His unfailing love. Break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord until He comes and showers His righteousness upon you. 

Jeremiah 33:3

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.