Please Come With Me

At the end of my last very long blog post, I offered a book giveaway. Around 30 people entered, which I think it great odds. Most giveaways on social media have 877 bajillion entries and so I rarely bother which is the downside of pessimism. I trained in being pessimistic about giveaways the hard way. When we had a season of being the parents of eight kids, I faithfully entered my grocery store sweepstakes every single week. I was convinced I'd win the $5000 grocery gift card if I kept up the good work. Alas, optimism didn't win out either. But I digress...

I'm pleased to announce that Suzie G and Dawn E won a copy of Advent: The Once and Future Coming of Jesus.  Ladies, I hope you enjoy it like I have. I'll bring it to you on Sunday.

This book is not for the faint of heart. If you are looking for a happy happy joy joy merry merry Christmas it isn't for you. But, if you are looking to be reminded of why Jesus came as a baby and will come again in glory then join me in reading this fantastical, soul-bolstering collection of sermons. I'm currently re-reading it and it is exactly what I need for this month. 

While I have you here, I've decided it's time to share the Retreat de Moxie videos with everyone. It is a difficult process for me to release them because I can't redo the mistakes I see in them. (2w1 problems, if you know what I mean.) It requires humility/humiliation, but I do trust I did my best to honor God in what I said. Be assured, if you hear a mistake, I heard it, too. But, I also know you will hear that God loves you deeply, has taken your shame, and that he is worthy of all you have. What else would even need to be said? 

I love these women and many more who couldn't join us this year.

Can you feel the zeal?? 

Here they are: 

Session One: The Deep Waters of Being Created 

Session Two: Mighty Women of God (I shared this one in this blog post.)  

Session Three: The Deep Waters of Being Chosen and Cherished  

Session Four: The Deep Waters of God's Presence Now and Forever 

Each session begins with an intro about what is happening during our retreat. You may want to skip ahead to get to the teaching. Also, if you would like to have a copy of the retreat booklet with notes and resources, please email me and I will send it to you. 

Picture yourself here as you listen to the messages. 💛

You may already know this, but I am passionate about helping women love God with all they have, find freedom in Christ, and remain faithful to him for their whole life. I'm confident you already know this: Life is really, really hard. It sucks, in fact. Even when things are smooth sailing people around us are struggling, and then when sailing turns smooth for others, giant waves rise up and smack us in the face. This is one reason I won't give up "meeting with people as some are in the habit of doing. But [I] will encourage you all the more as we wait for the Day when we see Jesus face to face." (Hebrews 10:25 paraphrase added)

Enjoy the teaching sessions whether it's the first time you are hearing them or you were at the retreat and want to watch again. You can be confident as you watch that I mean what I say, I'm striving to live it, and dragging/pushing/hoping you'll come along with me. 

Please come with me, 

Angel 

Who We Are in Light of Who He Is :: And a Giveaway

Through the years I've grown in self-awareness and understanding. I believe it is good, wise, and honorable to know your strengths and weaknesses so you can better serve God and love people. For example, how can I love people in the way they need love if I'm not aware that I can be an 'energetic' nurturer? (Some say smother, but I say mother.) Or if I am unaware of the intensity of my faith, maybe I sound like a raving lunatic instead of a compassionate, bold Jesus-follower? Knowing who we are and what we believe increases our ability to love and serve.

However, a main point of contention I have with those who seek self-help, self-improvement, and even self-awareness is what or who is your plumb line? If I only grow and measure myself against myself, my awareness is nebulous and/or self-serving. If I grow and measure myself against others then I always succeed or always fail, and the measurements result in self-gratification or self-loathing. 

What are we to do? 

Theology, the study of the nature of God, is the answer. In the last 20 years, I've surrendered to the fact that knowing who God is enables me to know who I am. His grace to us tells us in his Word that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, that he will complete the good work he started in us, and that he is transforming us into his very image. Whether we seek to know what this means or not, he will work in us because he is faithful and he doesn't break his promises. But, if the Creator of the universe is changing you into his image, don't you think it would help to know who he is? Hence, theology. 

Here's the truth, friends. I'm not an intellectual. But, I am a learner, child-like when I get excited about a new to me concept, and a reader (a slow reader, but a reader nonetheless.) I am not someone who can sit around and debate theology. Heck, I can't really debate anything. I feel deeply about God, life, and love. I can most certainly tell you what I believe and why I believe it. However, I continue to need help in learning deep truths about God in my head and heart. I've read quite a few theology books all the while weighing what I'm learning with scripture and talking them out with Chad and friends. 

Good theology books will be full of scripture, and not just one off verses to support their claims. I'm continually on the search for strong-willed, intelligent, fierce women who love God and his word. You all know I love Beth Moore. I recently finished Entrusted, her study on 2 Timothy and it blew my mind. If you choose to do this study, please, please go through the video teachings, too. Many of you also know mentoring relationships for women in Second Mile begin with Wendy Alsup's book Practical Theology for Women. (I have copies in my office if you'd like to buy one.) I read her blog regularly. The woman knows her Bible. 

A year or two ago, I discovered Jen Wilkin. She's quickly become a woman I respect and wish I could know personally. Two of her books were on my shelf for awhile, but my reading list was so long I never got to them. At my suggestion, Morgan, Carah, and their friend, Nevaeh, recently started reading None Like Him with their youth leader, Corrie. I wanted to know what they were reading and be able to discuss with them as they read, so I picked it up, too. Jen had me at the first sentence of the introduction: 

"If you had told me five years ago that I would one day write a book for Christian women that led off with a quote from Proverbs 31, I probably would have punched you in the face." 

Doesn't that sound like someone who could be my bestie?

In the book, Jen describes ten attributes that only belong to God and shows how we humans seek to mimic these attributes. I'm reading this book slowly, devotional style, so I can take it all in. As I read each chapter, my awe of who he is increases and my own conviction grows as I see how I try to put myself in his place. Do you want to truly know yourself? Then get to know God! Do you want to find comfort in his magnificence? Then know how to name these attributes and what they actually mean!

I had no idea how much I would love this book, but I certainly do. Also, it's super easy to read so that's a bonus. Jen takes deep concepts and writes about them in a way that isn't alienating and/or frustrating. This book is for everyone. Men, it's for you, too. I recently read a comment by a pastor who is taking his whole staff through it. Jen also had this to say about a different book she wrote, but it applies here, as well: "FAQ: "Is there a book like Women of the Word aimed at men?" Not that I'm aware, but the concepts aren't "pink". Just rip off the cover, bro." Wisdom and sass make me so happy. 

Do you need a fresh perspective on who God is and who you are in light of him? Do you need to freshen up your time with your mentee? Are you wanting a good summer read? Would you like to go through a good book with some friends or your community group? Are you curious because I keep telling you it's that good? I've got some good news for you! I believe in this book so much that I bought 20 of them. For eight bucks, you can pick one up this Sunday or make arrangements to stop by my office to pick one up during the week. (I'll order more when the time comes. I plan to keep these on hand.)

I would love for many of us to be mulling over these ten characteristics that only belong to our great God. It will deepen our faith which will deepen our conversations which will deepen our relationships which will deepen our church which will deepen our desire to talk about him to people who don't yet know him. Beautiful. 

To make things interesting I'm going to do a little giveaway. Leave a comment below with a chance to win a copy of this book AND a $30 gift card to Amazon. Obviously, if you win I don't want you to use the $30 on a new swimsuit or cardamom, but I can't control your purchases. Just remember, I love books. I can easily recommend ways for you to spend $30 on great books if you don't know where to start. Leave a comment and I'll choose a winner in a week or so. 

Let's spend the upcoming summer slowing down a bit, reading a good book or two, and getting to know God more and more so he can show us who we are in him. Self-awareness at it's finest. 

Silly Head Reflections

The rain gently fell through the trees as I sat on the front porch enjoying the wet smell of the forest on a cool Sunday morning. My eyes were puffy from tears, restless sleep, and brain fatigue. My heart swelled with pleasure from watching women engage in worship, scripture, and community, but my spirit felt exposed and vulnerable after pouring out all I had thought through, written out, and prepared for leading up to the retreat.

Recounting the surprise stories that pop into my head as I speak and the words that come to mind during each session is always an interesting part of the retreat aftermath. Confusion and thought chaos often plague me even to the point of not being really sure what I said apart from the used pages of leftover notes I can hold and re-read. This past weekend I let it all hang out as I stood in front of 55 of my closest friends. They heard my heart and words, but they are given the responsibility to translate and apply. It feels freeing, yet eerily ambiguous. Should I clarify? Did it make sense? Did I point to Jesus? 

How in the world do preachers give of their hearts week after week after week? I've asked Chad several times. He just smiles at me like I'm a silly head. Maybe I am a silly head. Maybe if I was sharing week after week after week I would get used to the exposure or maybe not even think twice about it. Maybe. I'm not really interested in finding out. 

Retreat de Moxie is my favorite. The opportunity to speak to the women of my church, to challenge them, to know some of their stories, to make them laugh, and to watch them deal with Jesus blows me away. I love it. The truth be told I would love the opportunity to speak to women more often, but it hasn't been part of my life just yet. How do you do that anyway? "Hello. My name is Angel. You've never heard of me, but I want to speak to your group." Duh. Um, no? So I will take the opportunity year after year, as long as I feel okayed by Jesus, to speak at our women's retreat. And like I said in my last post, this is not some church lady, stereotypical, paper flower making, super sweet, mamsy-pamsy women's retreat. We get down to some serious Jesus business. Just like it should be. 

Thanks for the great photo, Angela! 

I took many hours scratching out notes through three significant passages of scripture. Today I tore the pages out of my notebook to put into the recycle and it felt a bit like when you cook Thanksgiving meal for hours and it only takes five minutes to eat. All the handwritten yellow pages turned into four neatly typed organized five to six point sessions. All the hours of study and writing turned into four one hour sessions. My prayer is that the thoughts and points will resonate with each woman who attended the retreat, that they will think of Mary and Martha differently than they ever have, that they will respond to Jesus as a disciple with a hearty welcome into the deep places of their lives.

I learned a few things over this retreat, too. In honor of my friend, Tori, I will share them with you in bullet format. 

• It is important to give women landmarks for major turns when giving directions, not just highway numbers. 
• The work of ministry is meeting people where they are...going with them...to where God wants them to be. 
• Jesus responds to us with compassion, insight, clarity, and enough. 
• If you bring an extra giant bag of peanut butter M&M's they will be gone in less than 24 hours. 
• Speaking about Jesus being the "I AM" will move women in powerful ways. 
• Jesus as the Resurrection and the Life is a foundational, profound, mystery of our faith! 
• 99% of women scream or squeak when they jump off a platform to zip line. 
• We do not always have the luxury of privacy in our faith. True that. 
• What Jesus has planned to do in our hearts is far greater than what he has planned to do in our circumstances! 
• If you accidentally say "sh*t" in a session when you mean to say "strips" your face will turn red and people will laugh. Loudly.  
• Mary and Martha weeping is not the same word used for Jesus weeping. "Jesus wept" is so misunderstood in the church.   
• Often we focus on what is rotting, decomposing, or being eaten by worms in our life instead of Jesus. 
• Our focus should be on Jesus, not our reputation or our own contrived ideas of justice.
• If you say something you want to clarify, if you truly love people and they know your heart, they will be extraordinarily gracious and loving towards you. 
• 55 women singing Oceans at the top of their lungs promotes huge giant goose bumps. 
• I still cry easily when my brain gets fatigued, but I'm doing way better than I was last year at this time. 

And finally

• You think you can love a group of people so much and then you get smacked up in the head with more love and loyalty that you could ever imagine. 

What are you thinking about these days? If you participated in Retreat de Moxie, what is one serious thing you learned and one funny thing you learned? Do you have any thoughts about any of my bullet points? Please share. You all know comments are my love language. 

Making New Friends

Last year I participated in a pen pal, secret gift, long distance meet up that sweet Kim over at A Cuppa Kim put together. It was great fun and I had been looking forward to this one all year. You see, last year I missed the whole point. Sure, I sent out a great mug. Sure, I received a great mug. But, to be honest, I have no idea who I sent to or received from. Really? Sheesh. Relationship fail. For me, while a package full of goodies is fun to dig through, a new friend is my main hope. I really like people. 

My package shipped out to the sweet Mrs. Dallner in Missouri. It was fun looking through her blog and Instagram. Her family is beautiful. I wanted her package to be lovely and feminine when she opened it up. 

Shortly after I shipped my package off, I came home to a big box with an originally designed address label. I knew the contents were going to be good if someone put so much effort into the mailing label! 

Oh man, Jan you blessed my socks off! This sweet person whom I've never met seriously took the time to get to know me. Through my blog, Pinterest, and Instagram she gathered information and nailed it. I mean, she was so detailed into who I am and what I like. I'm very impressed with Jan's intentionality and attention to detail. 

A personalized journal, beautiful nail polish, a card holder for memorizing scripture, a Zero candy bar (one of my favorite splurges), a Starbucks gift card, a fancy business card holder, and of course a beautiful mug. Her generosity overwhelmed me! The fact that she handmade parts of this package impressed me. As you all know, I'm not so gifted in the handmade department, but I am gifted in the enjoying other's talents department. 

And check out this beautiful mug from Anthropologie! I think it is gorgeous. Liquid tastes better after it sits in this mug. The bold colors, the shades of blue and green, the design...I love it. It is the perfect mug for me.

Here is a closer look at some of the goodies in my package. Jan even learned that Jeremiah 17:7-8 has been the most meaningful passage in my life over this past year. She really did her research. 

To be sure, the stuff in the box honored me. However, to be honest, the letter Jan wrote to me was the true treasure of this year's mug swap. Typed written, front and back, it was full of the details of my story she had gleaned as she sought to gift to me the perfect mug. Her words were encouraging, uplifting, and sincere. 

Jan, thank you. I can tell you are a gifted encourager. Your attention to detail makes this world a more beautiful place. I will pray for you each time I use one of the items you sent which will be often because of the wonderful variety of stuff you sent! I'm hoping we continue to cultivate a long-distance cyber friendship which translates into a real friendship. I'm thankful for you. Thank you for blessing me! 

One last thing: Because the mug swap was so fun last year, I decided to implement a mug swap during Second Mile's annual Retreat de Moxie. Last year 46 women retreated together to hear from God, laugh, and rejuvenate. This year 54 of us are heading to the mountains of Payson, AZ. Now some of you may be wrinkling your nose up at a woman's retreat. Often women's ministry gets a bad wrap, especially in the blog world. Don't lump us into any negative stereo-type. We allow Jesus to do some serious spiritual butt-kicking in our lives. We laugh our cheeks and bellies sore. We fully engage in worship. We hike, fly down zip lines, eat goodies, drink coffee, and talk and talk and talk. This weekend I'm blessed to lead this wonderful group of strong, intelligent, amazing women. Pray for us? And, don't be jealous that I'll be getting another awesome mug. 

The mug I received from last year's Cuppa Kim Mug Swap is on the left. The middle is my new treasure from this year's Cuppa Kim Mug Swap. I received the one on the right during last year's Retreat de Moxie. I'll be adding to this collection on Friday night. I'll come home with a good one, even if I have to steal it. 

Did you participate in this year's swap? 

Moxie ladies, have you picked out the perfect mug for Friday night? 

What is your favorite part of giving fun gifts to people? 

Mugs and Smiles

On Friday night of each Retreat de Moxie, we enjoy "organized laughing time." Our thought has been to plan intentional time to relax, laugh, be goofy, and get to know one another through whatever torture craziness my good/weird/uninhibited friends, Sara and Angela, asked us to do. Two years in a row they  invited us to choreograph dances to their "fantastic" music selections using strange props. This may not sound fun to you and I will admit the two minutes of stage time with your own group is long and painful. However, the twenty minutes of watching the other groups dance is pure awesomeness. 

Unfortunately, Sara and Angela were unable to join us on retreat this year. In efforts of sparing someone the awkwardness of trying to live up to their antics, we opted for a change in events. 

This summer Kim hosted a mug swap and I thought it would be great fun to engage in a swap with my Moxie friends. 

Weird dance party averted and everyone got a new mug! 

By the way, no one every complained about the group dance-off. Every one always participated. And, we all laughed until our sides hurt. There's just something about watching grown women dance funkily with light sabors and baby dolls that is so funny. Or, maybe I just lead a very weird group of women. I'm totally ok with that. 

Here are some highlights from our swap: 

All the mugs in brown bags with no names to increase curiosity. Perfect.  

 47 women getting ready to open their own brown bag or steal a mug from someone else

 Our awesome facilitator. Jenn teaches 4th grade gifted and talented students. She is intelligent and goofy just like her pupils.  

Jenn planned a few extra credit activities for people to earn additional prizes. Erin happily and actively (hence the lack of focus) performed "I'm a little teapot." Jenn did you ever give Erin her alternative prize? She earned it. 

There were several comments made about the creepiness of this particular mug. I, however, think it is unique and vintage-y. It's really more of a dainty cup than a mug. Alisa just moved away on an excellent adventure this week. Alisa, I hope you took your cute cup. 

Happy we didn't have to dance and swapped mugs with friends instead

Perfect for a teacher Jenn because sometimes she does quirky stuff that makes you tilt your head and say, "What?"

We went to retreat with 47 women and headed home with 47 women and one baby. A sweet baby girl decided she was ready to see the world a few weeks early! This text sums it up beautifully! 

I shamelessly swiped some of these photos from Janice, Jenn, and Tori. Thanks, friends. 

So, would you rather have a dance-off or swap mugs? Do you think Alisa's mug is cute or creepy? Are you willing to admit if you brought it? Do you have any ideas for the night of laughter for next year's retreat? Please share! 

Create What You Crave

This summer several ladies from Moxie are reading and discussing Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them by John Ortberg. It is an interesting book about living in community with imperfect people which is all of us. We've enjoyed three meetings together and engaged in good conversation. I'm thankful for these friends who are willing to encourage, disagree, laugh, and cry with each other. I'm praying these women will be used to draw others into deeper friendships. 

The phrase I continue to challenge our group with is "create what you crave." I didn't come up with it, but read it somewhere and I can't remember where so I can't give credit to the right heart. But, it resonates with me in so many ways. 

When I crave cookies, I create them. When I crave time alone, I close the door and enjoy the silence. When I craved health, I created a plan and mental toughness get healthy. The list could go on. 

But relationships are different. We want to be pursued, loved, engaged with. Sadly, we often sit in our cravings unsure how to satisfy the need for conversation, depth, a reassuring smile. 

What would it look like to step out of just living in desire and begin to be the person to take initiative, to make the phone call, to take the first step in sharing the truth of our hearts? 

It looks like risk taking, dealing with the fear of rejection, being willing to make ten or more phone calls. It looks like hard work. To create one must put thought, action, time and consistency into a desired outcome to bring an idea or object into existence. Even friendship and community. Only God can create something out of nothing. For us it takes work. 

Today I won't give any ideas or answers to this thought. Let's think through some questions together. 

What do you crave in relationships? What do you value in a friendship? Do you have a circle of people on whom you can depend? Can they depend on you? What kinds of discussions do you have with the people in your life? Do your conversations revolve around people, events, or ideas? If there is one or two ways you would like to see your community grow, can you think of one or two ideas to begin to create that growth? 

What are your thoughts on creating what you crave?

Emily Shares

This is a first for my blog: A Guest Blogger! Isn't it exciting? I asked my good friend, Emily, to share some of her thoughts on Retreat de Moxie. What she shares with us, speaks with authenticity, strength, and dignity. Emily expressed concern that it was too long, but let me just say if you think that, get over it. It is totally worth the read! Please be sure to leave her some comment love.

Thank you so much, Emily. Your heart blesses me more than you know! 

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I was talking with Angel the other day about how her week was after Retreat de Moxie. During the conversation, she mentioned that she had gotten several comments about how this year's retreat was “easier” than some past retreats. (I'm sure “easier” wasn't the specific word that was used, but that was kind of the idea that was conveyed).  This surprised me quite a bit because I haven't found that to be the case for myself at all.

As Angel talked about in an earlier post, the theme of the retreat was sharing Jesus with non-believers. Reclaiming the word evangelism. Opening our mouths to tell the story God wrote for us specifically in order to bring glory to his name, especially with those that don't know him. She challenged us to pray for the gift of evangelism and boldness and a burden for the lost.  Now, I don't know about you, but this is not “easy” stuff. This is hard, hard, heart-wrenching stuff.  The kind of stuff that makes me want to close my eyes and stick my fingers in my ears and sing really loudly so that I can't hear any of it.  But since I'm 30 years old, I decided that would be a little foolish, so I prayed God would help me engage and listen and absorb, that I would be open to conviction and change. So, of course, I'm still pondering a lot of things that I heard on the retreat.

Like I said, Angel asked us to start praying for the gift of evangelism. Maybe this was easy for many of the women there last weekend. Maybe the thought had just never occurred to them and when Angel said this, they thought it was a great idea and did it. But not me. I furled my brow and dug in my heels and thought to myself, “There is no way! I don't want that gift. That's hard and requires a lot and will put me in a lot of situations where my heart will pound and I hate being in situations where my  heart pounds.”  But, I wanted to be open to what God had for me, so I prayed really hard that he would put the desire for the gift of evangelism in my heart. That I could get to the point where I would really want to pray for that gift. I continue to pray that and will probably continue for a while (until he answers, I guess).

Here's why I think evangelism is so hard for me. It's not because I don't believe in it, because I do. I want people all over the world to know who Jesus is and what kind of love and power and healing he has and to lift up his name. I moved to Tucson to do exactly that. I've believed wholeheartedly in sharing Jesus with others for so many years. But my fleshly side really, really cares about what people think about me.  I want to be known as the nice, fun girl that laughs a lot.  I don't want to be known as the crazy Jesus freak that makes conversations uncomfortable. And I know there are a lot of issues in those few sentences that I need to work out with God, but that's what I'm really thinking deep down.

Also, God created us in such a way so as to get attached to people.  And I have a lovely, wonderful friend who doesn't know Jesus that I care so deeply about. And I want her to know Jesus so badly, but I also love being her friend.  I love talking with her and laughing with her and doing things with her. So, in my head, it makes perfect sense that I would want to share Jesus with her too. But in my heart, it is not so easy. Because in my heart, I'm wrestling with the fact that I may love our friendship more than I love Jesus, or at least more than I want her to love Jesus.  There is a very real fear that if I share with her, it will make it awkward and change our relationship. Maybe she won't want to spend time with me anymore. Maybe I'll lose her as a friend and that would break my heart.

However, maybe that's one of the reasons God gave me the spiritual gift of faith. Because in the deepest part of me, I know that if the above happened, it would be alright. God is good no matter what. If I lose friends for him, then it's just like what Paul says in Philippians 3:8, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” I pray that this will be true for me as well, and I'm at the point now where if I lost this friend, my life wouldn't end, but I would be really sad.  I know it's just something I have to get over. God continually put this friend on my mind and heart during and since the retreat. He put me in her life for a reason and I pray I don't waste the opportunity to join him in his work in her life.  But how to share with her? How do I bring things up naturally, so that even though my heart will be pounding I don't look like I'm nervous?

One thing Angel asked us to do over the weekend was to think about our story of coming to know Jesus. Think about it in such a way that we could clearly and concisely communicate it to others. This was difficult for me at first because I don't have one of those dramatic, make-a-Christian-movie-out-of-it kind of stories. I believed at a young age with no serious time of rebellion in my life. For a long time I've struggled with believing this makes my story irrelevant. What God revealed to me this weekend was that my story is a good one, the perfect one and the one he designed for me. For the first time in my adult life, I was so, so grateful to have MY story and not wishing for someone else's. God has done amazing, wonderful things in my life. I need his grace and mercy every bit as much as the next person. Without him I am a prideful, nasty, judgmental, petty person. When I walk daily in his grace, I am a patient, kind, faith-filled and joyous woman. And why would I not want to share that with every single person I come into contact with?  I believe this is going to be the start of how I share with my friend. My heart will still pound, but I will continue to pray that God uses my story the way he wants.

So that's a little bit of what I've been processing this week. I have found it every bit as challenging and difficult as anything I've dealt with from other retreats.  God continually answers my prayers to speak to me during these retreats and grow me in ways I don't even want to grow. I feel that he is building this body up for the next step towards the cliff he's put in front of us. I pray that I will never stop growing and am grateful he allows me to be part of a community that pushes me and helps me do that. If the conviction that you may have lost opportunities to join in his work in the lives of those around you isn't a punch in the face, I'm not sure what is.

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Beautiful Emily! Thanks again! 

Photo by Laura 

And Then It Hit Me

One of the common discussions that emerged from Retreat de Moxie over the weekend is that we didn't feel beat up because it wasn't as introspective as past retreats.  To be honest, I've had to release my disappointment in not having the intensity level that I so love. Being the prophet that I am, I love a good Holy Spirit wake up call. They may not be fun, but they are oh so good.

This evening I had a brief conversation with my friend, Emily. When I told her my struggle, she told me that this year's retreat was just as intense for her as the other years and she began to tell me about what God is asking her to do and why it will be difficult.  She articulated it beautifully and I'm not going to steal her story for this blog, so either I'll ask her to write a guest post about it (please, Emily?) or you will have to ask her to fill you in.  It's good stuff.

The planned theme that we focused on over our weekend together was understanding the importance of sharing the story of Jesus in our lives with those who don't follow Him.  After the first session, speaking and music, it became clear that another major focus of the weekend was the holiness of God. Beautiful worship and discussion filled up the space of the building, as well as the space of our hearts. Maybe it didn't slap us around, but it drove many of us to our knees.

I was thinking, praying, and surrendering any results that my flesh wanted from the retreat this evening after I talked with Emily.

And then it hit me.

Friends, the intensity that I so long for is coming. Oh, I so hope we press in and embrace it!

It will come in the choices that we will be facing to open our mouths with our friends.

It will come in the soul filling delight He will take in us when we do open our mouths.

It will come in the rebuke of His disappointment when we choose to not speak His great name to our friends.

Intensity will come when we see our friends choose to follow Jesus.

Intensity will slap us hard with grief when some our friends reject Jesus.

It will come in the self-discipline it will take to continue to pray for a burden for our friends and the spiritual gift of evangelism.

It will come as He refines us to speak our stories for His glory alone.

The intensity of a retreat like the one we just experienced may not have been overwhelming in the moment, but if we continue to take to heart the deep things He so beautifully revealed to us, we should be continually refined, challenged, encouraged, rebuked, and growing in deep heart wrenching ways.

Oh, I'm excited now! To think that the punch you in the gut results that I so long for will be constantly coming our way in the coming days gets my blood pumping!

Are you ready? Here we go.

Filled Up and Poured Out

How many sentences can I type and delete to try to start this post about the retreat? About 20 or so.

The difficulty is finding words to describe what the retreat meant to me and how I'm feeling now that it is over. Retreat de Moxie is my favorite Moxie event of the year. In my opinion, great things happen through-out the year, but getting to pull away and be together for an extended amount of time is irreplaceable. 

This year was very different from the previous four retreats. In past years, the topics have been heavy, punch you in the face type topics.  Inner-healing, the art of apologizing, dangling from the sky on a high ropes course, and being challenged to completely surrender everything can leave one feeling a bit exhausted. The great name of Jesus and the importance of sharing Him with others was our focus and aim of this year's retreat which was much more energizing. 

As I've wandered around in my mind for the last couple of days, I've struggled with really missing my moxie friends and wondering what I should be doing next. (Don't worry, I have a real list. I would just rather be planning a retreat.) In order to not be downcast, I've been disciplining myself to think through some highlights of the weekend with 41 of my closest friends. 

These are in random and strategic order all at the same time.  

**Musical worship. Angela was anointed in a powerful way to lead us to sing praises to Jesus. The new songs we sang fit perfectly. If I close my eyes and listen I can hear the sound of 42 women singing in perfect unison, "You are holy, holy, holy, God most high and God most worthy!" Or, "To you our hearts are open, nothing here is hidden, You are our one desire." Or "I will carry your name, Jesus, your name, forever!" Ah, so beautiful! 

**Heather being prompted by the Spirit to read Revelation 5 and the worship the took place as a result. 

**As I would speak during the sessions, different people's stories would come to mind and fit into whatever I was saying. I loved it. I loved seeing people tear up (hopefully from encouragement and not embarrassment.) I loved having the opportunity to publicly proclaim the great ways I've seen God move in the lives of the women of our church. 

**As I spoke several times I struggled through my temperament (people-pleaser) and spiritual gifting (prophet.) If I wasn't focused and teaching, I may have laughed out loud at myself.  

**There were so many first timers on our retreat this year! 

**Sara and Angela showed us a new level of how secure they are, how creative they are, and how weird they are. Truth be told, the weirdness we saw probably only scratches the surface of just how strange they can be. Thanks for the dance, ladies. And, thanks for planning a great organized laughing time and a fabulous scavenger hunt. 

**Sitting in one of the bunk rooms talking and laughing about the most random, hilarious stuff was life-giving. 

**The relay worked out way better than I could have imagined. I've already had some ideas for legs of next year's relay. 

**Jenn running towards me all wild and floppy will forever be etched into my brain.

**Julie attacking me with a water balloon and successfully soaking me.

**Watching women sit in small groups through-out the weekend getting to know each other better. 

**Snacks, snacks, snacks. 

**Lauren, Nicky, Tamara, and Jen sharing their stories with us. You ladies did an outstanding job! Thank you so much for entrusting us with hearing what God has done in your lives! 

**Watching people wrap gifts to symbolize their story in Jesus as a gift to others and paint rocks to symbolize carrying whatever they had learned over the weekend encouraged me greatly.

**My favorite moment of the entire weekend was having a friend walk straight up to me after the evening session on Friday and hearing her tell me she gave her life to Christ. If nothing else was accomplished over the weekend, her new life in Christ was worth the trip! 

The great news is even though a new life in Christ is absolutely the highlight, I believe God accomplished so much more. I've been praying for my friends who attended the retreat that each women would continue to press into the things God spoke to each heart, that it wouldn't be a weekend high, but a continuation of the steadiness of life transformation. I've been praying that our friends who couldn't come on the retreat this year would feel connected, involved, loved, that they would hear stories of the retreat and would be encouraged and not filled with envy or regret.  

As a women's ministry who is part of a great local church, "let us not grow weary in doing good for in the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up!" (Gal 6:9) Let's remember that "the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few." (Matt 9:35) Let us press in to fill our mouths with the great name of Yahweh! May we carry the name of Jesus with honor, diligence, and humility.  

I cannot wait to see the fruits of what was learned at this year's Retreat de Moxie! 

I love these women! 

Thanks, Laura Moore, for taking such great photos of our weekend! 

Feel free to share any thoughts you may have about our retreat! I would love to hear them. It will either help ease my loneliness or make it worse, but I'm willing to risk it! 

P.S. I've already got some GREAT ideas for next year's topic! :)