Out of the Trench

Do you ever have times when you just can't shake the negative thoughts, the sadness and tiredness, and/or the wet blanket of shame?

A week or so ago I woke up weary, emotional, and wiped out. My eyes were puffy and my brain was on hyperdrive. Sometimes I wallow in the despair (eating the bread of anxious toil) and sometimes I remember what to do to reorient myself to Jesus. Maybe the words I'm about to share will help you try something new when you find yourself in a muddy trench.

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I stumbled out of bed and made my way to my kitchen table and sat down, Bible, notebook, and pen in hand. Sitting in the solid wooden chair made me more aware of my need for God to soften my heavy heart. Holding out my hands I prayed: "I'm feeling pretty beat up today and believing some lies that I'm not worth much. So let's find some Scripture. Will you help me, Jesus? I'm struggling."

Turning to as many familiar passages as came to mind, I began to write:

Ephesians 1
vs 4 - He chose me
vs 7 - I am redeemed and forgiven
vs 8 - He gives me wisdom and insight
vs 13 - I am sealed with the Holy Spirit

Ephesians 3
vs 16 - He will strengthen me with power in my inner being
vs 19 - He loves me so much it surpasses knowledge

Ephesians 4
vs 11 - He gave me to Second Mile (a prophet, teacher, and shepherd) to equip the saints for ministry, to build up our body

Ephesians 5
vs 8 - I walk in the light of the Lord

Ephesians 6
vs 10 - I am strong in the Lord
vs 12 - I am wrestling against spiritual forces

1 John 1
vs 5 - He is light so I am in the light which removes all darkness and confusion

1 John 2
vs 1 - He is my advocate. (He advocates for ME!)

My necessary and simple tools

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There are 5 other chapters of Scripture I utilized that I didn't share with you, but hopefully you get the picture through this sampling of what I covered that morning. (Many things God speaks to us through his Word are just for us and not meant to be shared with the world. Intimacy and privacy in relationships are so important in our media frenzied culture. But that's for a different blog post.)

Sitting at the table for over an hour with the balm of the Holy Spirit speaking through Scripture is exactly what I needed... not a pep talk from a friend, not a book by my favorite author, certainly not the distraction of social media or housework or errands, not putting on a 'brave' face and pretending everything was ok, and not even my favorite worship playlist. Getting up early enough to have uninterrupted time provided the needed space for needed heart change. To be sure, I felt raw and sore throughout the day (and maybe even a few days), but nothing else could root out the lies like time abiding with Jesus in Scripture (John 15:7-11).

God revealed and reminded me of his truth that morning. Then I faced the choice to take hold and believe it or fall back into the muddy trench. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit enabled me to repeat these passages to myself over and over until they began to transform my thoughts. Hard work to be sure, but the payoff far exceeded the effort. Many of you see me as a woman of strength for which I'm humbled and thankful, and you've heard me say it a million times and I'll say it a million more while I still have breath: God, through his holy, perfect Word, has changed my heart a million times over. I pour through the pages and flip through my memory packet like my life depends on it because it does.

Do you believe me? Have you experienced the transformation he brings through it? Have you only dabbled with a plastic spoon or have you dug deep with a pick ax? How much time do you spend? Do you expect overnight expertise or are you up for the task of life-long study?

What passage can you turn to today that will speak truth to your heart of his glory and your worth in him?

You know I love the sky because of Psalm 19. If you want to hear me teach about this passage click here. 

Bandwagons and My Crazy Flag

For twelve years I sweat my way through teaching a wide variety of fitness classes. Step aerobics, weight training, spinning, and even chair classes. Engaging with people and learning their stories was my favorite. Helping people grow in physical health by kicking their butts in class gave me great pleasure.

Every January I had a love/hate relationship with the various clubs in which I instructed classes. To see so many newly resolved exercisers bearing down with grit, determination, and focus created the best kind of fitness energy. But, I also experienced loss when all my new bffs fell off the work-out wagon in March.

It's all too easy to jump on a train bound for personal growth. However, when you realize the train is actually only going around the corner to drop you off with some gloves, a shovel, and an instruction manual detailing the fact you have to work it out, grit disappears, determination turns to dreariness, and focus blurs to indifference.

A month ago, 80 of us retreated to the mountains for our annual getaway. For a few months leading up to the retreat, God stirred in my heart a desire to spur women towards deeper intimacy with him through scripture, prayer, and community. To be honest, I had pulled way back on my wearing sackcloth and eating locusts in the desert raving lunatic way of life. I feared I was wasting my breath, getting on people's nerves, or worse, wounding people who struggled deeply.

Thanks to the work of God in my life and to my good friend, Beth Moore, I'm over it. I've put my itchy prophet clothes back on and I'm out waving my crazy flag again. Aren't you so glad?

Through the teaching of Beth, God reminded me that loving people isn't enough. Truth is an important part of the equilibrium of investment. Without truth, love becomes an idol, an excuse, and even an enabler. Truth is not oppressive or crushing. Truth and love bring restoration and rest for our souls.

So, friends, let me say it again with fresh fervor: discipline results in growth, health, contentment, and freedom.

As you know, I believe scripture memory is a key discipline in taking in the Bible. When you use it in conjunction with reading, studying, hearing, and meditation, your life will be transformed. I know too many people for whom this is true, so you cannot argue with me. You can try, but I won't listen. Make all the excuses you want, but while you're wallowing in the mire, I'll be over here beckoning you to get out of the poop and into biblical life/mind/heart transformation.

At the retreat, around 50 women shocked me by showing up to a little side seminar to learn my scripture memory system. Yesterday someone told me that a young woman is still at it, and has jumped to two verses a week because I said if one was too easy, add another! Yes!

When you are sitting around with a bunch of friends, the scripture memory bandwagon beckons. But, being back in your job, studying for exams, taking care of family quickly jumps in front of the importance of caring for your own soul. Like all my bffs in my fitness classes, let me compel you to keep at it. Don't give up. If you are tempted to give up, memorize Galatians 6:9 this month. The train has dropped you off with your gloves, shovel, and instruction manual. Don't be surprised. Just get to work. I'll be right beside you. We can cheer one another on.

Are you still at it? How's your grit, determination, and focus? How many of you still need a packet? Does anyone need more cards? Do you need help? I love to help with this because I can't do it for you. It's all you and Jesus, the very best teacher and only true life-changer.

Through November I'm memorizing a couple of verses. I took my own advice after the retreat and memorized an extra one in October because my brain was up for the challenge. Maybe I can do the same in November. We shall see. Here are my November verses:

2 Timothy 4:7 

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 

I so want this to be true of my life, so I'm writing it on my heart to focus my hopes into discipline and determination.

Acts 2:17 

In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit. Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. 

I often focus on the last days being difficult times, so I'm memorizing this as a reminder that the God gives us everything we need for life and godliness through his Spirit.

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What about you? Let's encourage each other by posting our verses. Comment here or leave a comment on Facebook. Again, please let me know if you need help. 

I'm so continually thankful and continually prayerful for each of you. I'll keep asking God to enlighten the eyes of our hearts! 

The Shakes

The ache in this world overwhelms me. Scrolling through my go to news sources so often leaves me in tears.

I cried many times today as I thought of little Aylan losing his life in the Aegean Sea. I could hardly contain myself as I read the words of his father on how he tried to save them. Truthfully, I wished I was alone while I read so I could weep and pray for him unashamedly. Ann Voskamp stirred my heart with her words as she so often does. Please read her post.

What do we do? How can we move forward when it has been documented that Planned Parenthood is selling body parts of aborted humans? What does sleep look like when I close my eyes and see Aylan face down in the sand? What can we do to help the droves and droves of people being pushed out of their land by the vile and abhorrent ISIS? How can we walk around knowing children are continually sold and used for sex over and over and over? What do we do in our own country when black people and police officers are being gunned down almost daily and peace seems impossible?

I'm at a loss. My heart aches.

I've been teased that I'm a woman with a cause whether there is a cause or not. But, when I look around there is cause after cause after cause after cause after cause after cause...

The above list doesn't even include what is happening in the lives around me. Abused kids, women struggling to find worth, men full of shame and self-loathing, people isolating themselves, people oversharing in ways promoting potential harm they can't yet see.

Last week during musical worship, my dear friend led us to "sing out to God whatever is on your heart." The only thing that surfaced was a giant lump in my throat. All I could think is, "I only know a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the pain in this world, but you know it all. How can you bear it, God?"

And today, I'm struggling. Why doesn't he come back? What is making him wait?

My faith shakes sometimes.

It's hard for me to believe while the world burns around me. But one thing age affords me is the ability to choose to press into Jesus even when I don't feel like it.

Even when my faith shakes, I choose to lift my hands high in surrender and worship.

Even when my faith shakes, I continue to beg him to hasten his return.

Even when my faith shakes, I go to my knees to groan for the relief of my fellow humans.

Even when my faith shakes, and I want to tuck and run, I stand my ground. And after I've done everything my small, finite self knows to do, I stand. (Ephesians 6:10-17)

And for the record, my life banner bears the name of Jesus. That probably surprises exactly no one.

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Do you struggle with the world around you? What do you do when you feel the weight of it all? What do you do when your faith shakes? What do you do to stand? 

If you are still memorizing scripture with us, feel free to post your verses here. I will be focusing on passages that I've memorized that speak of hope, faith, and soul rest. 

May God move us to active compassion and prayer!

Hope-Filled Sleepless Nights

I had trouble sleeping on Saturday night. The last time I looked at the clock before I fell asleep it mocked me with a bright "1:30." Crimson numbers stared at me throughout the night...3:00, then 4:00, then 5, 5:15, 5:30, 6:00... I stayed in bed until 6:30 as my mind whirled with thoughts of possibilities, anticipation, and hope.

Does that ever happen to you? Do life events affect your sleep? You're a lucky duck if you can sleep through the night most nights. I often tell people that I'm not good at sleeping. One can't be good at everything, after all.

Thankfully, while I was laying there on Saturday wishing for sleep, my mind space wasn't wasted with worry and fear which is sometimes the case.

I envisioned Second Mile's new gathering space. I prayed for the chairs to be filled. I imagined what it would be like to sing together. I asked God to give Chad good, challenging words for us to hear. God graciously responded to me, too. My soul lifted as I heard His very words in my heart and mind.

"How good and pleasant it is when God's people dwell together in unity." Psalm 133:1

"I was glad when they said to me, let us go to the house of the Lord." Psalm 122:1

"Unless the Lord builds the house, the people labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

"So in Christ we form one body, and each member belongs to the other." Romans 12:5

His assurance to me throughout my life through his Word is indescribable. I'm glad the time I invest in memorizing scripture turns into meditation which leads to continual transformation in my life.

Friends, I'm telling you, the fruit of your investment into taking scripture into your life is sweet. Be faithful in your discipline. Be joyful in your discipline. Be full of hope in your discipline.

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Once again, month eight in 2015, what are you memorizing? Do you experience joy and hope in your spiritual disciplines? Why or why not? What specific way can I help you as you continue to seek after Jesus? 

Blessings of joy and hope to you today, dear one! 

Laying Down Your Everything

Hey, hey, hey! It's July 1, 2015 which means Chad and I are celebrating 20 years of wedded bliss!

Twenty years of love, ministry, fighting, making up, raising kids, moving to different countries and different states, opening our home, crying and laughing, deep conversation, cheesiness beyond imagination, and so so so much more. I'm so blessed by this man. He loves me well. I can't express to you the fun we've had over these 20 years. I pray God allows us at least 20 more years together.

We are also starting our two week vacation today. The timing is perfect and somewhat stressful. As I mentioned in the last post,  a house remodel was forced upon us. But good news: the finished bathroom is amazing! Chad's goal was to finish everything before we left so we could come home and not have to pick up the hammers and paint brushes right away. Perfect timing.

It is stressful because we are in crunch time to move into our new church building. For my readers who do not attend Second Mile, we are calling our new facility El Centro. For ten years, we've benefited from the generosity of other Tucson churches, so our body experientially learned that we are the church, not a building. We don't want to lose this deep truth in our ethos, so we are choosing not to call our new space "the church" because the people are the church. Our first Sunday at El Centro is August 2nd, which means work needs to be accomplished...and we are leaving for two weeks. Oh man, stressful timing. The good news is we are a group, a body of people who work together, and we have leaders and lists in place to make the next few weeks efficient and effective. Have I ever mentioned that I love my church? So, so much.

The front of our new space. Photo taken by my good friend, Nate E. 

If you are still checking in for scripture memory, let me congratulate you on staying the course for more than half the year. Great job! You are working to make this a true discipline.

When I come to a transition in my own personal bible study and I'm not sure what to do next, I head to the gospels to hear from Jesus, so I've been reading through Matthew. As you all know, this world is no easy place to live. As a follower of Jesus, I want to make sure I'm pointing to him in my actions and in my speech. "Love wins" is all over the place right now, and every time I see it I think of John 15:13. "Greater love has no one than this, than someone lay down his life for his friends." Love that truly wins is about laying down your life, your agendas, your ideas, your rights, your self-righteousness, your contempt, your stubbornness, your status, your everything, the way Jesus did. His love wins because it never fails. I want to be more and more like him in how I love people in this life. This is not meant as a slight towards anyone who uses "love wins." This is a caution to my fellow followers of Jesus to be sure you are showing Whose love is the ultimate winner.

I'm familiar with this passage so I'm hoping it will be easy to memorize. I want it to be a reminder of how I want to live in our ever evolving culture. Far be it from me to be a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal, but have no love.

Matthew 5:13-16 

"You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

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Please share what you are memorizing. It would also be encouraging if you would share how you decide what you will be memorizing. Do you have a system? Do you randomly choose passages? Do you go for single verses or whole sections? 

Many blessings to you as you seek to know and show true, steadfast, winning love! 

Late but still Thankful

I apologize for the delay in posting this. Many of you know the last two weeks in May were less than convenient for the Haynes family.

A good thing is Esther graduated from high school!

The not so good thing is our plumbing broke.

I'll write more about both experiences soon. 

To be honest, all of it kind of took the wind out of my sails, which is ironic since the last moxie memorizers post I wrote was about not giving up. For the last two weeks of May I didn't think or care much about my little memory packet.

But I'm not stuck, thank you Jesus.

I finally finished the 2 Timothy 3 passage about not being a weak-willed woman. The list of ick still gives me trouble, but I've got the important parts of not letting it worm its way into my heart and home, so I'm moving on to a much happier passage.

Psalm 77:11-12

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. 

Isn't that inspiring? There is something about this passage that puts my spirit at ease, builds my faith, and causes me to simply rest in the assurance of His faithfulness. I want to be a person who is full of thankfulness, and a sure and true way to build thanksgiving in my heart is to remember all He has done, is doing, and will do.

What are you memorizing/meditating on currently? Comment away, my friends. Thanks for being patient with my delay in posting this accountability avenue. I'm glad we are in this together.

Many blessings to you as your heart is filled with remembering!  

Don't Give Up!

Recently, I read an article about memorizing scripture being an outdated idea. The author basically said it was an old-fashioned discipline limiting our ability to dig deep into scripture. Poor thing. I think he's altogether missing the point.

Listen, if you are still memorizing bible verses to get a star on your chart, then you'll be sad to know there is no chart. (Side-note: Don't teach your kids to memorize scripture for a prize. Please.)

If you are memorizing verses to check a to-do list box, then a check mark will be your only profit.

If you are memorizing scripture without deeply pondering what the words mean, then you are just being religious.

If you are memorizing scripture to puff up your big old fat head with knowledge, then you are only acting like a big old fat pharisee.

I've had my fair share of people tell me that they really see no use for taking in scripture in this way. When I was younger I would argue with them, hoping to compel them into submission. But now, I nod my head and pray they will come to the end of their excuses.

You've heard me say about a jillion times taking in God's word through memorizing and meditating throughout my college years transformed my life. The Spirit used it to remove the shame I walked in (Psalm 3:3), quiet my loud mouth (Proverbs 10:19), show me that he loves me deeply (John 15:13), and teach me that nothing compares to knowing and following him (Philippians 3:8).

I hope you know I don't believe this is the only way to take in scripture, but that it is one part of the whole of allowing God's word to be in you, to be part of your heart, mind, and soul. (Psalm 119:11) Please read, study, listen to, meditate on, and even sing about scripture. The reason we share the verses we are memorizing with each other on this blog is to encourage accountability, commitment, and togetherness. To be honest, some of you are so disciplined that it doesn't matter one little bit if anyone else is on the journey with you. You'll just keep forging ahead. But then there are people like me. I may be able to make myself stay disciplined for awhile, but when I want to quit, or I'm lazy or tired, it helps me to know I'm not alone...even in scripture memory.

In January, I announced that we would be memorizing two verses a month together and more than a dozen people jumped on board. (Women AND men, btw. Drives me crazy when people call this a woman thing.)  But, in April, just four short months later, less than half of the original group posted their verses. Now, I'm not going to assume this means you've fallen off the wagon. Are you still reading and taking in God's word? Yes? Good. Take it one step farther. Are you still training yourself to memorize two verses per month? Yes? Good. It greatly encourages all of us if you will kindly share with us what you are memorizing. It challenges me/us to keep going. It gives me/us ideas of what to memorize next. It allows me/us to pray for you in your own disciplines. It shows me/us that we aren't alone.

As for me, I'm still working on the 2 Timothy 3 passage. Honestly, the list of destruction in verses 2-4 is still hard for me to remember, so I've moved on to the real meat of the passage, so now I'm solidifying 6-7.

2 Timothy 3:6-7 

For among them are those that creep into households and capture weak-willed women, burdened with sins, and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at the knowledge of the truth. 

Which is why I want us to be people of the Word of God! I don't want to be a weak-willed human led astray, learning a bunch of stuff that the world shoves in my face. I plan to continue to use God's word stored up in my heart and mind to arrive at the cross of Christ, considering everything a loss compared to the greatness of knowing, truly, experientially, knowing Him.

It's time. Please post your verses! Let's do this thing together!

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Galatians 6:9

Let us not become weary in doing good for in the proper time we will reap a harvest 

if we do not give up. 

Let me encourage you with this disclaimer: all the references and verses shared in this post are from memory. This is not a prideful brag, but a loving encouragement of 'look how God has shaped my mind.' 

Blessings through God's word to you as you keep up the good work! 

Worn Out

I've been pretty out of it this week. I told Chad I felt one of three possibilities may be happening.

     1. My 'bucket' (what I pour out of to do all the stuff I do) is empty.
     2. Hormonies were making me fuzzy and weird.
     3. Residual stroke effects (Dr said it would happen) could be causing fatigue.

Or what if it was a combination of all three? Or what if it's been allergies or I'm catching a cold? Or what if I was just being a wimp?

Bleh. That's it. Just Bleh.

Do you ever feel that way? I wish I could just go, go, go sometimes but I can't. And guess what...God knows I can't, that you can't, that he didn't create us to go, go go all the time.

Come to me all who labor and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  ~Matthew 11:28 

Even youths will grow tired and weary, and young men will stumble and fall. ~Isaiah 40:30

For I will satisfy the weary soul. ~Jeremiah 31:25

My soul finds rest in God alone. ~Psalm 62:1 

Sometimes I just need rest for no explanation at all. It's difficult for me to admit, mostly because I may not have anything to show for what is zapping my energy. However, I'm continually needing to grow in the area of resting in Jesus. Reading a book that is just fun. Taking a nap in the middle of my day off. Skipping exercise for the day. Baking cookies to give to some friends. Rest.

A friend of my shared an excellent verse with me yesterday that encouraged my soul. I'm going to commit it to memory. Does anyone else need to meditate on this?

I, Daniel, was worn out. I lay exhausted for several days. Then I went about the king's business. ~Daniel 8:27 

Yes! Exactly! Worn out and lay exhausted for a few days. But then we get up and go about King Jesus' business.

I haven't been very productive in output this week. But I'm simply taking a break, getting ready to go about the King's business.

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What are you memorizing right now? What scripture is God using to speak to your heart lately? How are you feeling right now? Ready to go or needing rest? 

May your heart, mind, body, and soul find rest in Jesus! 

Determined Discipline

Through the years I've started and not finished many hobbies from photography to learning to play the bass or the banjo. You see, I'm an ideas person. I can have ideas until the cows come home. Lately, my mind as been swimming with so many potential good visions. Sometimes I wish I could simply put the ideas in a bowl, add some sugar, flour, and eggs, pour them into a pan, and turn them all into completed accomplishments.

A couple of the ideas I've had I really want to see through. But they are both BIG ideas. It will take so much prayer and discipline. And I'm a little scared. Actually, so scared that I don't even want to tell anyone about them because I'm afraid I can't accomplish them, and then I will feel flakey or worse, like a failure.

But, at the same time I'm so thankful for new thoughts and plans. When I was in my 20s, I heard someone say that most people stop learning new things when they are in their 30s and just coast to the end of their lives living off the few years of accumulated head knowledge they've managed to gain. It alarmed/pushed me into determined discipline to position myself as a learner for the rest of my life. Notice the words: determined discipline. Learning can sometimes begin accidentally, but it must continue with effort and intentionality. Continued ideas, vision, and direction are some sweet fruits of learning.

As you might have guessed it, I believe learning for a follower of Jesus begins with time spent in the Bible. Reading it, hearing it, studying it, meditating on it, and of course, memorizing it. I hope those of you that are joining in this accountability group are not just spending time memorizing verses. You will be one lopsided person if that is all you are doing. You must take this one ingredient and mix it will all the other aspects of taking in His Word to grow into an accomplished learner full of vision and ideas from Jesus.

Do you have the notion that all of this should be easy? Were you hoping that taking in His Word and obeying would come automatically or naturally? Did you know it would take effort? Listen, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. But the truly challenging and changing stuff of life takes real work. The gate is narrow, not just for the Kingdom, but for many good things in this life. So keep up the good, hard, soul-changing work! You will continually reap the fruit of learning, my friends. I know it to be true.

I'm still working on 2 Timothy 3:1-7. I have verses one through four down, but five is still tripping me up, so I'm going to keep working on it. I'm hoping to have the whole passage down by the end of the month because six and seven will be easy for me to remember. If you've been around me at all, you've heard me get preachy about these two.

2 Timothy 3:6-7 

For among them are those that creep into households and capture weak-willed women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at the knowledge of truth. 

Which that last phrase puts a whole new aspect onto being a learner, doesn't it? To be a faithful-to-Jesus learner, we must fix our eyes on Him or we "learn" all kinds of things but never arrive at the knowledge of the TRUTH! That makes me shiver. I don't want the ways of this dark world to worm their way into my mind, heart, or home. I want to be a learner with ideas, vision, and direction from the Spirit of God!

Now it's your turn. Please post the verses you are memorizing and/or studying.

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Do you see yourself as a teachable person? In what ways do you learn from God and from others? What have you been learning lately? 

May your life be enriched through determined discipline, my friends! 

Soul Care

Beautiful words filled my mind when the alarm went off this morning. 

I've spent this week wondering: Wondering why Alysa gave me her IF: Gathering ticket. Wondering what to expect. Wondering about the women in the IF Facebook groups. Wondering what God has for me. Wondering what to expect or even if I should have expectations. Wondering if God has something to teach me, show me, tell me. Wondering. 

Yesterday I focused on laying all the wonderings down. The God of the Universe owes me nothing. Jesus is enough. His presence in my life is a gift of His unfailing love. As I faded into sleep and whispered the dreamy prayers of my heart, I confessed to Jesus that the break from routine and sitting in His presence this weekend was enough for me.  

At 6:05 the alarm buzzed, and my mind was instantly full. 

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope; my soul waits for the Lord, more than watchman wait for morning, more than watchman wait for morning." Psalm 130:5-6

"My soul finds rest in God alone. My salvation comes from Him." Ps 62:1

"My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods, with singing lips my mouth will praise you." Ps 63:3

Turns out my true desire for this weekend is to rest in Jesus, to have little to no responsibility, to just be with Him. The burden of expectations has been lifted.

I'm already breathing more deeply and slowly, enjoying the slowed rhythm of waiting. My soul rests and waits. He will satisfy me, not the music, not the speakers, not the women with whom I interact. I trust He will use those good things, but He doesn't need to. He is enough. 

Practice to Truly Live

To carry out an activity habitually or regularly is to practice. What in your life is something for which you desire proficiency? For me, exercise, baking, and even parenting are parts of my life that demand consistent practice. I've tasted the cookies of people that only bake once in a blue moon. Usually, one bite is plenty. Lone crumbs on the plate after a party give great evidence that someone has practiced baking their favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe.

Practice. 

Our spiritual lives require this important discipline. The more I practice praying, the more I realize I'm truly talking to God with no pretense, fear, or entitlement. Kindness grows as we practice seeing the needs of those around us. Generosity grows as we practice meeting those needs. John Ortberg wrote a book teaching about the purpose in training for the life you want verses simply trying to obtain it. (Consider reading this good book.) 

Of course you know I'm going to say the same is true in memorizing scripture. The more you practice, your ability to remember verses will grow. The more you practice, your ability to apply them to your everyday life will grow. The more you practice, your ability to calm your heart and mind, obey a prompting of the Spirit, and even spontaneously pray scripture will grow and grow and grow. 

Unfortunately, many of us as children took the word "practice" and put it in the negative word folder of our minds. How many of you were forced to practice piano or violin? Did you just shiver a little bit? For me, it was practicing math facts. Just typing that sentence made my lip snarl and nostrils flare. Ick. Well can we just please stop a minute and reclaim the beautiful word of practice? How about these words: 

Review, carry out, persist, work out, get in there, make progress, labor, and my favorite, do your thing! 

A few times a week, say the verse you are memorizing out loud over and over. A few times a week practice remembering the verses you already know by reviewing them. This practice makes the power of His word a very tangible reality in our hearts, minds, and souls. Don't you desire this fruit in your life? I do. I so so SO want this in my life and in yours. 

Click on this photo, so you can get a good glimpse at theses dates. I've been practicing my verses for many, many moons.

You will have to look closely, but there are some antique cards in that pile. 1991! Raise your hand if that card is older than you. Yes. I know. Quite a few of you. Amazingly, I still know each of those verses because I PRACTICE them regularly and have been since I learned them! So whatever your method is, review should be a vital part of your practice. 

This next photo is only a point of encouragement. Jeremiah 9:24 says, "Let him who boasts, boast in this, that he understands and knows me." I'm not promoting my skills, but wanting to show you what your heart, mind, and soul can take in if you practice. 

Review your verses, friends. REVIEW YO VERSES! Practice. Practice remembering. Practice learning. Practice living. Practice loving. Practice being. And then when you practice doing, your heart and mind will be set on heavenly things where Christ is seated at the right hand of God, not on earthly things. (Colossians 3:1-2)

This month I'm continuing to take in the passage in 2 Timothy about how the world will be full of junk worming its way into weak-willed women's homes. I'll be working on verses 3 through 5. 

2 Timothy 3:3-5

heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 

Such "happy" verses, aren't they? A good explanation of all of this will be written up soon. I promise. 

Please post what you will be memorizing and/or practicing this month. I can't wait to read what you have to say! 

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What are you memorizing? Are you reviewing? How are you practicing what you are learning? 

Blessings in your practice, my friends! 

To Not Be the Same

One of the good things that happened in 2014 is that I took a beginner's running class. The coaches helped and encouraged me along to my first goal of running a 5K in November. Many people have asked me how I did in the race. Well, I made the classic first race mistake and went out too fast in the beginning, and then by the end I needed to go to the restroom so bad I wasn't sure I would make it to the finish line or the bathroom. Yikes. So, my answer to all the askers became, "Well, I finished and I didn't poop my pants, so I did great!" You should see the faces at my response. It's fantastic. 

When I first started running (what I really mean is jogging at a pace that you could probably walk next to me), my head was filled with negativity. I asked Kyle what he thinks about while running, and he pretty much just thinks about running. I told him about my ugly self thoughts and he gently put his hand on my shoulder, and with tenderness and compassion spoke truth to me. "Mom, you have to stop doing that. You can do this!" He was so right, so I focused on new thought-life exercises while I exercised my body. I prayed for everything I could think of. I thanked God for every single thing that came to mind. And my favorite, I started reviewing every verse I could remember that I've ever memorized. Guess what? My negative self-chastisement no longer plagues me while I'm running. I can run free in my mind. 

Psalm 121 and Psalm 139 have been mediated on and quoted in my mind and heart over and over and over since my running journey began. I've had both passages memorized since college, but this fall, God showed me new and powerful truths in each passage. Once again God has used scripture memory in my life to bring about transformation, and I am humbled and grateful. 

This past Sunday, my wonderful, intelligent, bible-loving, pastor, husband stuck it to me through his message. The title grabbed me immediately: Longing and Expecting to Not Be the Same. He used verse after verse to remind me how much I need and want transformation of ideas and images I hold that are lie-based or culturally-based and not founded on the truth of Christ. Through the message I was once again challenged to press into the Word of God through reading, listening, studying, meditating, and memorizing. 

Therefore, I decided to start up the scripture memory accountability we shared on this blog a couple of years ago. This is going to be so good for us! Each month on the first, I will post some sort of blog about scripture memory, what I'm learning, suggested verses to memorize...anything that comes to my random mind. Then every month on the first or the few days following, you will leave a comment with the one or two verses you are memorizing for the month. Make sense? 

You should set a goal for how many verses you want to learn each month. I would suggest with starting with two verses per month for the first two to three months. If you find it's too easy, then maybe decide to learn one per week. When I was in college I memorized a verse a day, and retained them by reviewing them regularly. You can do this. Please don't tell me you can't or I get all Jillian Michaels on you and start encouraging/yelling at you that YES YOU CAN AND I DON'T WANT TO EVER HEAR THE WORDS "I CAN'T" AGAIN! But if you're too tender for a Jillian experience, I will just hold your hand and tell you that you absolutely can because God wants to transform your heart and mind so he will enable you to do this. 

If you would like more information on the process of how this will work, please go to this blog post that I wrote in January of 2011. It will be helpful. If you have questions, leave them in the comments or send me a personal message. I am absolutely wanting to help you grow and become more like Christ. One thing I know for sure is I'm passionate about mentoring and this is a very practical way to mentor many of you at the same time. 

One last thing, for the next few months I will be working on memorizing one of my life passages. It is funny that I've never committed this to memory, so it is time for me to stop making excuses and make it happen. For January I will work on 2 Timothy 3:1-2.

2 Timothy 3:1-2 

But understand this,  that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy

Such an encouraging passage to start 2015 with, don't you think? Whoa. 

Ok, here we go! I can't overstate it. I'm excited to do this with you! Please comment with what you are memorizing and any other lovely things you would like to say. And don't forget to let me know if you need help. Helping is my favorite. 

Blessings to each of you as we start brand spanking new year! 

Standing My Ground :: A Confession

Over a month ago I wrote this post about prayer. At first the stats showed that no one was really interested in reading it. However, thanks to several Second Mile community group leaders and a few others that have shared my words, it has grown to one of my most read posts.

I've been silent on this blog since I hit the publish button on that last entry. The week before Easter I led the prayer time during 2M's gathering on Sunday afternoon. A fire in my belly to urge the church to pray compelled me to speak boldly to my friends. Hopefully, my words were mixed with love and the fire I felt didn't just turn me into a dragon. Sometimes that happens, too. It's usually not pretty.

After our gathering two of my good friends came to encourage me. I told them that I was feeling like a better version of my pre-stroke self. Energized, focused, excited, hopeful, passionate, clear-headed were all adjectives I would have used that evening.

But I did not brace myself.

When I was in college and newly walking with Jesus, the words "spiritual warfare" were thrown around like a hot potato. Every bad day or rough interpersonal interaction found blame with the enemy. One could often hear among my social circle, "I'm really under attack right now," or "Oh, I'll pray for you. It sounds like Satan is attacking you." Every. Bad. Day. For reals. That's a little much, don't you think? Over the last twenty years I've come to realize that sometimes I'm just grouchy, or I wasn't responsible, or that "the enemy" isn't everywhere all the time and probably doesn't care much about what I'm doing. The real humbling stinger came when I realized there was no need for a spiritual attack if I wasn't doing anything for Jesus that Satan wouldn't like. Why would he waste his time on a spiritual time waster? Ouch.

Don't be shocked, but for many years in my late twenties and thirties I swung to the other extreme in spiritual warfare by thinking God's enemy and his minions couldn't care less about me. I was convinced they were busy torturing true soldiers of God like Billy Graham, the Pope, or Beth Moore. If any unexplained difficulty popped up in my life, I blamed my own sin or assumed God was using difficulties to sharpen and chastise me (which, by the way, can very often be true). If anyone mentioned to me that I may be "under attack" I could easily justify why I thought it was a bogus idea.

Lately I've been pondering spiritual warfare because after I wrote a blog about praying, asked the church to pray, witnessed people surrendering their lives to Jesus, and more whole-heartedly than ever in my life committed to pressing into telling people about God's unfailing love things have been a little out of whack, a little crazy, and a lot discouraging. All of this has forced me to look once again to the fact that spiritual warfare exists, that there is an enemy who prowls around like a roaring lion, that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the "spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." 

Over the last week I began to privately brace myself in this epic battle we face. The first step was to admit that Ephesians 6 is a very real passage with very real purpose and importance. I'm reading it and meditating on it. I've also picked up three books that are good for this season of my life.

Spiritual Warfare for Women by Leighann McCoy -- Why a book geared towards women? Well, duh, I'm a woman. But more than that, the description talked about how warfare for women can often look like extreme discouragement and the desire to quit and give up. Bingo. That almost perfectly describes my emotions over the last month. She also wrote that a primary way to do good battle is to memorize scripture. If you know me, you know that sold me.

Boundaries for Leaders by Henry Cloud -- Over this last month I've found myself in very strange conflicts. Chad recently referred to me as the toilet plunger of the church because for whatever reason (sin, my need to grow in this area, the enemy taunting me in my weakness) people come to me to complain about Second Mile. Often they don't see themselves as complaining, but if I've heard a dozen people say what is not great with our church it starts to feel like complaining. I have to learn some boundaries, and not just in this area, but also with my phone, with other people's very real hardships, with people who are in need. You see, I'm a bleeding heart. I love people, hurt with them, want to help them. But, when a bleeding heart does not have good boundaries they actually end up bleeding out. That's no good. (Don't be offended if I use my new boundary skills on you. Be proud of me instead.)

Prayer: The Timeless Secret of High-Impact Leaders by Dave Earley -- I will not back down. You better believe I'm going to keep fighting. This book represents that even though I'm reading two others to help me personally in the fight, I will also be growing in my understanding of how to fight.

Books aren't the answer to how I'm bracing myself. Jesus is. He is my foundation. I'm praying and asking for relief from the burden of discouragement and the desire to run and hide.

Would you pray for my family, too? Leadership can be a lonely place. We are growing and learning, but it can be so tiring.

What about you? Are you growing and living a life that the spiritual world takes notice? Do you blame everything or nothing on Satan? What scripture do you most often go to in your time of need?

Wisdom in Youth :: A Guest Post

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4

Each of my kids are so very different. Some are math and science whizzes, empathetic problem solvers, story tellers, funny jokers, loud, emotional, logical, gift givers, performers, hand holders, attentive to the needs of others, art creators and mess makers. I could go on and on. 

Please know that I'm under no delusion that they are perfect, but I'm not about to air their short comings to you. That's not my job. We have wonderful discussions about their growth and maturity in our home. They do not need me chopping away at their security by proclaiming their junk to others. How absolutely horrible would it be if our Father did that with our junk? It would be devastatingly mortifying. I choose to model His love to my kids as much as I humanly can. 

Today you get to read the words of my son, Kyle. You will notice right away that he's a word guy. Both of his parents value words, so I'm not surprised. I want you to know that these are his words, his thoughts, what he is learning. I pray it challenges and inspires you. 

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Within my own life, I often find that I personally avoid the task of memorizing scripture, not for a purposeful detachment of myself from God's word, but out of a lazy mind set in which my humanity ultimately deems such a task pointless. This is most certainly and undeniably false, as I also find that when I struggle into a place of spiritual depth that includes reading and memorizing scripture, I am entirely fulfilled. Not with the sort of fulfillment you gain when you win a championship, or finish a good book, but an entire fulfillment that lifts my whole being into a new purpose, a purpose that calls me to glorify God's greatness. It is in this realization that I find a certain irony that applies itself to my situation, mostly because if I truly dive into scripture I find specific verses that speak of our human interests and of a redemption that we can obtain through walking with Jesus. 

When I say these things, one verse specifically comes to mind: 1 Peter 1:14-15 which says: “Do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all of your conduct.” This is one of my favorite verses because it applies so exactly to our current society and my personal situation. It not only tells us to leave behind our evil but also that we have a great God that urges us to be like him and we can leave behind our evil so in that we can be more like him.

           

I also am incredibly thankful that the word of God is so relevant to not just our situations but also our life stages. I am 13, coming up on the prime of my youth, and the problems and hardships I face most certainly differ from a grown and working adult. It is in this that I find yet another incredible verse, Psalm 71:5 which states: “For you have been my hope, sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth.” What this reveals to me is that no matter where you are in your life, whether it refers to your age, job, or social standing, you can hold a secure confidence in God that will stay with you even from your youth. In short, when I memorize scripture I marvel in God's relevancy, which is apparent in all of our day-to-day lives.

           

As we advance in our relationships with God I urge not only myself but all of us to push forward with scripture memorization because if we truly strive to involve ourselves in God's word, we must know God's word, and keep it with us in every situation we are presented with as our lives progress.

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Yes! We must "keep [God's word] with us in every situation we are presented with as our lives progress." That's what memorizing scripture is all about! We don't puff our heads up with a bunch of sentences. We ask God to search our hearts and lead us through this life in a way that honors Him and makes us more like Christ! I pray without ceasing that my kids know this truth deep in their bellies. I'm beginning to see some fruit to my prayers. 

I'm happy to report that my brain is getting stronger. I've been able to review and actually remember scripture. I used to be able to multi-task in many ways, especially scripture memory. I could review pretty much anytime I wanted. Now I have to sit in the quiet, keep my eyes closed, and say the verses out loud. It's kind of funny, but hey! I'll take what I can get! 

This month I'm solidifying Proverbs 17:22 in my heart and mind. 

Proverbs 17:22 

A joyful heart is good medicine. A crushed spirit dries up the bones. 

What are you learning? Do you keep God's word active in your life in every situation you are presented with? Are you going to "push forward with scripture memorization?" 

Please comment with your verse. Leave some encouragement for Kyle. As you do, please pray that his heart will continue to be captivated by God and that his mind will grow in depth of understanding and insight. This happy and hopeful mom thanks you for praying for him! 

Moxie Memorizers, One Month and Three Days Late

I'm so sorry for dropping the ball on giving you an outlet for accountability and encouragement in memorizing scripture. All my excuses revolve around discouragement and pity, so I'll spare you the details. I know you do not need this post to keep at the discipline of taking in the Word. I hope you are sticking with it.

Summer brings new intentionality with my kids in taking in scripture. Each day we are setting aside time to review old verses and work on a new one. Each kid has their own personal goal in how many verses they want to learn. Their minds are so fresh and ready, so the words practically stick like glue. I love it.

I'm asking each of them to learn Colossians 2:6-8. My heart's desire is for them to be rooted, established, and built up in Christ so that the hollow philosophies of this world will not take them captive. I pray this over them daily.

Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord,  so walk in Him, rooted and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thankfulness. 

See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of this world, and not according to Christ. 

Yes! This is exactly what I want for my kids. And for myself. And for you. And for the church.

Without being too whiny, it is still very difficult to remember new things...names, songs, schedules, and verses. People ask me regularly how I'm doing. Honestly, I feel better and better. However, this is an area that I can still notice my brain was changed. It's ok though. Don't fret. Little by little, better and better.

I'm still working to take in new verses, but as I patiently wait for it to stick, I've been focusing on old passages I've memorized. With Chad teaching through 1 and 2 Peter, I've thoroughly enjoyed remembering and reflecting on verses that have been written on my heart for awhile. Right now I'm playing 2 Peter 1:3-10 over and over in my heart and mind. 

His divine nature has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. 

Can you believe it? He has given us everything we need for life and godliness! Meditating on this alone has been mind blowing for me.

Skipping to verse five Peter tells us to "make every effort to add to your faith goodness, and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kinds, love."

A life marked by these characteristics is a life that is effective and productive in knowing Jesus and making Him known. Yes, please. I want that. I re-play this list over and over in my heart and mind. It's the meditation piece of memorizing that we should work towards.

Friends, I hope you are sticking with this discipline. I know you've heard me say at least a thousand times how beneficial it is.

What are you memorizing? What review verses are especially meaningful to you right now?

Avoiding Being the Fool :: A Guest Post

I met Tia in Emporia, KS when she was an 18 year old college freshman. That was over 13 years ago. Since that time she and her family have been an integral part of my family. Tia is loyal, dependable, trustworthy, compassionate, kind, and gentle. If something needs to be accomplished, she will work diligently to get it done. When a gift needs to be given, she creates the most beautiful, thoughtful baskets. If encouragement needs to be shared, she can find just the right scripture and words to lift a person's heart. 

However, one of my favorite qualities of my dear friend Tia is her heart for prayer. If she says she will pray for you, you can be absolutely certain she will be praying. The Spirit of God continues to teach her deep and beautiful ways to pray with scripture, insight, and discernment. She has blessed my family and me so very much through the way she prays for us. 

I'm happy she is sharing on the blog today. She also happens to be a mom who is intentionally working to invest in her kids. You will be blessed, encouraged, and challenged by her words! 

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Photo by the lovely Laura K. Moore

Confession: When I was a 4 year old, my mother would often catch me standing in front of the mirror practicing my smile (and my best cry, too!)  And although I don't stand in front of the mirror striking a pose as a 30 year old, I still have a tendency to practice my “I have it all together” face.  It's not that I have any big ugly secrets to hide. It's just that I don't like to look like a fool or let people down.  If I am responsible for it, I want it to be done well. 

Nothing has challenged my “I have it all together” face like motherhood.  After almost eight years as a mom, I have found that parenting has held up a mirror to my heart more than anything I have ever experienced.  Without a doubt, parenting is rewarding, wonderful, and joy-filled but it is also full of hard work. It can be chaotic and unpredictable; I can look like a fool; I too often let my kids down; and I do not always uphold my responsibility as a mom well.  As much as my tendency is to put on the smile and look like I have it all together, I am consistently and graciously reminded that I cannot do this motherhood thing on my own or I am a fool!

God gently reminded me of all of these things in the hallowed halls of Ross the other day. :)  Norah and I were shopping for a new water bottle.  As we were narrowing down her choices, she pointed to a tumbler on the shelf and declared that it was “Perrrrfect!” Yes, it was bright pink and bedazzled but it also had a very large and famous bunny head logo on it.  I explained to my four year old that this tumbler wasn't a choice. It represented something that didn't reflect Jesus.  And it was in that moment that God stirred a lot of reminders into this momma's heart.

I was reminded of the enormous responsibility that Nate and I have to guide and direct our kids toward Jesus- even in moments when they don't know what their choices represent. I was reminded that I am not in control of every influence in my kids' lives and that I have and will continue to mess up as I parent my kids (not on purpose but because I am a sinner saved by grace).  This led me to be reminded that God's strength is made perfect in my weakness which reminded me that we don't have to do this parenting thing on our own; God has sent us a Helper.  Every time the Holy Spirit brought one of these reminders to my heart, it came in the form of scripture I had memorized. 

It was an “ah ha” moment for me.  The best tool I can equip my children with is the Word!  In times when I am feeling uncertain, the Spirit uses Scripture to speak to my heart.  He does and will do the same for my kids! It was a powerful motivator for me in being diligent with memorizing Scripture with Jack and Norah.  He has been faithful in using His Word in the life of our family.  This was another nudge to keep going!    

One of the best experiences in my parenting journey has been watching the Word of God be rooted in my kids hearts and then grow to produce fruit.  It is my go-to for parenting.  For quite awhile, Jackson was struggling with being afraid when he went to bed at night so we sought out what the Bible had to say about fear.  Isaiah 41:10 and 2 Timothy 1:7 were key for him as he was dealing with his fear.  

Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

2 Timothy 1:7

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

And any time that feeling of fear starts to creep in, these verses come pouring out. We can now literally say them in our sleep!  

I say “we” because that has been the best blessing of memorizing scripture with my kids---it is an entire family process.  Because my kiddos are still young, we walk through this process almost completely together.  We find verses together. We talk about what they mean together.  We practice them together. We sing them together. We pray them together.  So although we looked up Isaiah 41:10 and 2 Timothy 1:7 with Jackson in mind, the Holy Spirit has used those scriptures in all of our lives.  A beautiful by product!  

The thing that is so encouraging for me is that it isn't just Nate and I who see the fruit of Truth at work.  Our kids see how the Holy Spirit uses the Word in their lives too.  This past week Jack was struggling with a particular issue at school.  After much conversation one evening, he and I sat down to look up some verses that would point him to the Truth in his struggle.  We landed on Philippians 4:8, 9 and set out a plan to begin memorizing it.  Before he went to bed that night, he asked, “Mom, can we make some sort of craft that I can wear with those verses on them so I can see them all the time?”  I couldn't stop smiling.  He gets it!  Not only does he see the value in memorizing the Word of God but he also wants to constantly surround himself in it!   

Now, pause for a minute and remember that 4 year old little girl practicing her smile in the mirror?  Yep, that can still be my tendency---to make it look like I have it all together.  So let me be the first to say: I AM IN NO WAY PERFECT (in this area or any other!)  I am not as diligent with memorizing scripture with my family as I would like to be.  We don't sit down and find new verses or review old ones every night before bed.  And my kids are not always excited to review Scripture nor are they constantly showing that they are understanding the Truth they are hearing and reading.  

But God... has graciously reminded me of how much fruit has come from the half a dozen verses we have been diligent with this year.  He has reminded me through my own Scripture memory that His strength is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) and that His Word will not return empty (Isaiah 55:11).

I am so thankful for his gracious and tender love- for the mirror that parenting holds up to my heart.   I am so thankful that God reminds me of His perfect strength and the Truth of His Word in the middle of Ross.  I am beyond grateful that he doesn't leave me on my own to parent.  And I cannot express the joy that it is to see the fruit of Scripture in the life of my family!

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. 

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This is no joke! If we believe scripture has power to change our lives, wouldn't we want that for our kids, too? I sure do. In case you missed it and thought this was just a post for parents, did you catch how Tia shared how scripture has changed her heart as well? Thanks for the challenge and vulnerability, Tia. 

Post your verses, friends. Remember that Galatians 6:9 tells us not to get tired from doing good, that we will bring a harvest if we don't give up. Don't give up, even though the temptation is great! 

Juxtaposition of Motion: Maximizing your Momentum Through Meditation :: A Guest Post

Oh, hey. Remember me? I used to blog here. But then I had this health issue creep up, mess with my brain, and then my heart. It has caused me to put aside things like blogging, but I often think about it. In the next couple of days I will post the story of this week's ordeal. Thanks to all of you who have prayed for my family and me. We love and appreciate you all! However, today is March 1st which means it is time for you faithful scripture memorizers to post your verses, and I've got a treat for you.

Jamie and I have been friends for 16 years. We met after I had graduated college. Through time together in East Asia, Jamie's unbelievable connection with Esther, and a common love for Jesus our friendship grew very quickly. In my mind, she has been part of my family for 16 years, loving us, serving us, talking deeply with us, laughing with us, causing us to laugh. She is a true life-long friend. I'm excited to share her with you through this guest post. She is so wise, deeply loves God and seeks Him through His word as part of her daily routine. 

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Unbelief.  

It’s something we all battle at various seasons of life.  Believing God is hard.  Do we trust Him to provide, to do, to be all that we need?  What about the things we long for?  Our deepest desires?  

While believing Him is hard, not believing Him is harder AND it’s life-stealing, dishonoring, and sinful.  Unbelief causes us to fret, to manipulate, to worry, and to rely only on the seen.  And, friends, what we see is so very limited. 

A few years ago, I was in a season of unbelief.  Moving from Asia to California to start grad school was overwhelming but the biggest worry I had was finances.  My tuition bill was more than my income level and I could not see how I would have enough financing to survive.  I was panicked and even contemplated quitting just two months into the program.  I was stuck in unbelief.  At my breaking point, I distinctly remember telling God, “This is yours....I can not see how this is going to happen, but I’m choosing to believe You will provide all I need.”  

God not only provided abundantly for my needs but through His provision he healed me of some unbelief.  He showed me that He can, He will, and He wants to provide for me and He restored momentum in my relationship with Him.  I haven’t battled unbelief about finances since then.  

I recently started a PhD program in Virginia.  Again, I had to move from Asia, leaving friendships behind.  And, once again, I find myself in a season of unbelief.  This time, however, my unbelief lies deeper than material worries.  At the core, deep within, I don’t believe or trust God to answer the longings of my heart.  I just don’t.  

My first semester in “PhD school” (as my mom calls it) didn’t leave time for reflection (or much of anything for that matter).  As a result, any thoughts I had about this current season of challenges were pushed to the side to deal with later.  Again, I was stuck.  It wasn’t until I had some downtime over the long winter break that I was able to outwardly articulate just some of what was going on in my heart.  I was very honest with God and told Him that I didn’t trust Him with certain areas of my life. 

God answered my honesty with His own:

“And he did not do many mighty works there,
because of their unbelief.” 
Matthew 13:58 (ESV)

After reading this verse, there was a pause (a halting, jolting, “Jamie, I’m talking to you” pause) in my spirit.  And I’ve been meditating on that verse since.  

Meditation and memorization are two parts of the same discipline.  Quickly memorizing a verse for the sole purpose of being able to quote it leads to a head full of knowledge but a heart unchanged by His Word.  Meditating on His Word unlocks Truth that will seep into your heart and (hopefully) spillover into your life.  I love the juxtaposition of motion evident in the practice of meditation.  In order to gain momentum, we have to pause, to wait, to be still.  God restores our momentum, not us.  Though He does expect us to be actively involved in the restoration process.    

My mind has this verse memorized.  My mouth can quote it.  But, by meditating on it, I’m hoping that my life will soon reflect it (well, in this case, the opposite of it).  I don’t want God to ever say to me that He intentionally did not do mighty works in my life because I didn’t believe Him.  During this season, I am also asking for His forgiveness for not believing Him.  I am asking Him to surprise me.  And I am waiting for Him to restore me. 


Is there a verse that you have memorized that you need to meditate on?  Does your life reflect the Truth you are memorizing?  Why are you memorizing verses.....to what end?  What areas of your life does God want to heal through your active meditation?  Will you let God maximize your life’s momentum through His Word?

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I hope you will take time to answer the questions Jamie posed. Many of you know Jeremiah 17:7-8 is what I have been meditating on since September. God has used it in my life through this season to teach me that He is my Sure Foundation.

I'm still working on Isaiah 40:11 for March. Hopefully, I will get it down! 

Isaiah 40:11 

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.