My Heart and My Home

"What's your personal style?" A question that always brought me discomfort and dread. For years I had no idea. What were my favorite colors? In an ideal world how would I decorate? If money was no object how would I arrange, paint, purchase, and fill my home? Who in the heck actually knew? Certainly not me.  

Some people have a knack for knowing what they like and bringing it to fruition. I was not one of those people. Hand-me-downs and take-what-you-can-gets filled every room of my house. I didn't notice most of the time until someone asked me about my personal style, implying that surely the green carpet and dirty red sofas they saw couldn't be my heart's desire. 

My family has been situated on our little cul de sac for a little more than ten years now. We bought the biggest house we could get for our money so we could host large groups of people, but it also meant we chose to live in a fixer upper. I often tell my poor Chad that he knows how to do so much that he gets stuck doing too much. We've (he's) torn down walls, ripped up flooring, dealt with frustrating troubles, and now we are finally representing my (our) personal style. 

Through trial and error, age, and a fixed up house, here is what I've discovered: 

I like neutral walls so I can change decorations whenever I want. (I went through an orange accent wall phase. I liked it for approximately one minute. Ick.) 

I like bright decor to stand out on my neutral walls. 

I like texture on the walls. Wood, metal, fabric, anything interesting. 

I like to fill my shelves with memories, keepsakes, meaningful words, and lots and lots of books. 

I like bright open spaces with large, comfy furniture that whispers, "Come take a nap" and/or "Someone in this house is glad you're here." 

I like for people to feel like there is space for them when they enter a room... a chair, a clean floor, space at the table. 

Now that half my kids live in two places (home is still home), I really, really like for them to come home and know it will be full of peace, laughter, and deep comfort. 

We recently moved out our pingpong table and reoriented the entry room as seen below. The walls are covered with reminders of people we love. My artist and maker friends give me cool stuff and I love it! One print is a hand caligraphied piece we received as a wedding gift way back in 1995. Other prints are hand drawn or graphic designed. Each one makes me smile. Even Chad's childhood Donald Duck bank is displayed. Photos, Scripture, and important words fill the room. 

I change and rearrange these shelves regularly. I like the stable consistency of the wall color and shelves, but also like the reminder that change can be good in how I can rearrange the stuff on the shelves. I've caught everyone in my family grinning at me as I try to work the arrangement just so. 

Again, I can change the shelf in the middle (which is actually an old desk drawer. HOPE.. yes, I need the giant constant reminder that my hope is eternal and not temporal. And if you look at all the photos, you'll surely see a rhino or two or ten. Chad is a big fan of rhinos hence our whole family enjoys them prominently displayed everywhere. Sometimes the punks like them a little too prominent for me. They tease me often and I love every minute of it. 

Moving to our main living room in the photo below. Chad and our friends, Phil and Stuart, helped build this lovely fireplace and mantel. The mantel itself is reclaimed, hand-hewn wood. The piece above the fireplace is a reminder for Chad and me to be a place of refuge for our kids who will each be world-changers in their own ways. I pray we love, support, and continually launch them into the world so they can do the hard work of loving and helping others and that they continually return home for a refilling of love and support. A beautiful cycle. 

As Chad collects rhinos, I collect unique Nativities. Chad found this one on a recent trip to Las Cruces. I usually keep a few Nativities displayed year round. The framed Scripture is the passage that God used to hold me up during my stroke and recovery. 

Look at the cutest, tiniest Nativity you ever saw! My friend, Britt, gave it to me. I love it. And of course, my kiddos. 

I recently purchased this metal sign from Magnolia Market. If you've been around me lately, you've heard me say far too many times that I'm in a time of transition with my kids. For as long as I can remember, well-meaning people have spoken ill-meaning words over me as a mom. "Oh three daughters, just wait unit they are teenagers. It's going to be awful." Or, "Kyle is so smart and good-looking, he's going to be a heartbreaker and it's going to break your heart." Or, "You were so rebellious I bet your kids will be the same." And as they leave the nest, I've heard a few too many times words that sting deeply like, "How great it will be to have the house to yourselves" or "When they leave the house, they will leave relationship with you, too" or "Life gets harder and harder and lonelier and lonelier." 

On good days, I can understand that those words aren't about me or my kids, but about some pain in the person speaking them. On bad days, fear can grip me like a vice and I play out every dark scenario that comes to my dark mind. On days I choose to trust God who numbers my days rightly as I fix my eyes on him, I remember no one knows how the years will turn out except Him alone. The best is always yet to come because someday I will see him face to face. I'm going to keep opening the doors of my home as long as I physically, emotionally, and spiritually can to family and friends, therefore "The Good Ol' Days Are truly Yet to Come." This isn't a rose colored glasses sign for me. It's a reminder every time I come in my house and leave my house to look to the future with hope and expectation instead of fear and dread. 

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25 

Just as my heart is in constant remodeling, so is my house. Lest you think everything is how we want it, here are a couple of photos to the contrary. 

The remainder of the orange-ness and what will be my future office, reading, sitting, daydreaming room. We are building a pantry and making this little space cozy. I can't wait. Electrical work is first which means Chad needs a friend's help. Slowly but surely.

And, alas, our ugly, ugly bedroom. My kids tell me regularly it should be our next project, but I don't care too much about it. The walls still have patched holes from when we had to replumb our whole house and the carpet is still a 'delightful' shade of green. But whatcha gonna do? Eventually this will be remodeled, but I'd rather have a pretty back yard which is my current campaign. 

Hello to those of you who actually read all the way to the end of this post! It seems like just a few years ago we had people in our home nonstop. Life changed in that regards somewhat because my teenagers participate in many activities and I wasn't about to miss anything. But, I can feel a change coming where we will host more consistently again. We don't know what it will look like just yet, but I hope "my personal style" in building our home puts people at ease, beckons my kids to come home to replenish, and fills Chad and me with love, joy, and contentment for years and years to come. 

Now tell me, what is your style? Do you like to fix stuff up? Do you like to have people in your home? What do you look forward to in the future? One more question, do you look at the links I include in my blog posts? Just curious. 

Laying Down Your Everything

Hey, hey, hey! It's July 1, 2015 which means Chad and I are celebrating 20 years of wedded bliss!

Twenty years of love, ministry, fighting, making up, raising kids, moving to different countries and different states, opening our home, crying and laughing, deep conversation, cheesiness beyond imagination, and so so so much more. I'm so blessed by this man. He loves me well. I can't express to you the fun we've had over these 20 years. I pray God allows us at least 20 more years together.

We are also starting our two week vacation today. The timing is perfect and somewhat stressful. As I mentioned in the last post,  a house remodel was forced upon us. But good news: the finished bathroom is amazing! Chad's goal was to finish everything before we left so we could come home and not have to pick up the hammers and paint brushes right away. Perfect timing.

It is stressful because we are in crunch time to move into our new church building. For my readers who do not attend Second Mile, we are calling our new facility El Centro. For ten years, we've benefited from the generosity of other Tucson churches, so our body experientially learned that we are the church, not a building. We don't want to lose this deep truth in our ethos, so we are choosing not to call our new space "the church" because the people are the church. Our first Sunday at El Centro is August 2nd, which means work needs to be accomplished...and we are leaving for two weeks. Oh man, stressful timing. The good news is we are a group, a body of people who work together, and we have leaders and lists in place to make the next few weeks efficient and effective. Have I ever mentioned that I love my church? So, so much.

The front of our new space. Photo taken by my good friend, Nate E. 

If you are still checking in for scripture memory, let me congratulate you on staying the course for more than half the year. Great job! You are working to make this a true discipline.

When I come to a transition in my own personal bible study and I'm not sure what to do next, I head to the gospels to hear from Jesus, so I've been reading through Matthew. As you all know, this world is no easy place to live. As a follower of Jesus, I want to make sure I'm pointing to him in my actions and in my speech. "Love wins" is all over the place right now, and every time I see it I think of John 15:13. "Greater love has no one than this, than someone lay down his life for his friends." Love that truly wins is about laying down your life, your agendas, your ideas, your rights, your self-righteousness, your contempt, your stubbornness, your status, your everything, the way Jesus did. His love wins because it never fails. I want to be more and more like him in how I love people in this life. This is not meant as a slight towards anyone who uses "love wins." This is a caution to my fellow followers of Jesus to be sure you are showing Whose love is the ultimate winner.

I'm familiar with this passage so I'm hoping it will be easy to memorize. I want it to be a reminder of how I want to live in our ever evolving culture. Far be it from me to be a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal, but have no love.

Matthew 5:13-16 

"You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

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Please share what you are memorizing. It would also be encouraging if you would share how you decide what you will be memorizing. Do you have a system? Do you randomly choose passages? Do you go for single verses or whole sections? 

Many blessings to you as you seek to know and show true, steadfast, winning love! 

To Build Up or Destroy, the Choice is Yours

**trigger warning**

There is so much from the world that comes against purity and holiness and marriage. I spent some time reading through the stats of how many people have read 50 Shades of Grey and how many people are expected to see the movie and my heart and head just hurt. To live in a time where women and children are sexually exploited, where children are abused, where story after story of rape on college campuses with very little done to prosecute and punish abound, yet books and movies like this become best sellers absolutely astounds me. I cannot for the life of me understand why any women at all would want to subject herself to such insidiousness.

I can already hear some of you asking why I would have such a strong opinion without having read the book. Well, first, I'm not stupid or naive. I've read the reviews and anything that promotes the domination of women in sex is not uplifting or treasuring to us which I know is not God's design. Second, I do not have to drink arsenic to know it will kill me. Third, I've been married to one man who deeply treasures me for 20 years. The intimacy between us is far greater than anything the distorted world has to offer. There you have it: I'm not stupid, I don't drink poison, and my marriage is healthy, which I believe, gives me a voice you should heed.

Friends, please, please do not be weak-willed in your faith and understanding of who God desires for you to be. Do not give into filling your heart, mind, and soul with this movie.

Marriage takes real work. It requires honesty, integrity, communication, commitment, selflessness, understanding, compassion, diligence, and much, much more. What's interesting is so much of what happens in a marriage can be viewed by friends, neighbors, family. How you keep your house, how you parent your children, how you spend your money, even how you bicker and argue can be observed by others. But, there is one thing that is for you and your spouse only, one private aspect of your marriage that should include absolutely no one else.

Sexual intimacy was created for two people who have covenanted together to spend the rest of their days living life in such a way that displays and gives witness to how Jesus Christ loves the church. 

Because marriage was created to show the world how much Jesus loves us, Satan (the DLB), a very real and present enemy absolutely hates marriage. He continually shows how he seeks to destroy us. If genuine intimacy was created to be experienced between one man and one woman, he is doing his best to steal, kill, and destroy it. Again, abuse, exploitation, perversion in the form of pornography all set themselves up to be the exact contradiction to what intimacy is meant to be.

And, the DLB is cunning. He knows that many of us believe we are strong enough to withstand abusing someone or becoming addicted to porn, so he creates subtle distortions through stories that appeal to humanity, to our thirst for relationships, attention, fantasy. A racy make-out scene here, a Car'ls Jr/Hardy's commercial there. A TV show where 25 single women make out with the same guy here, or a mall store with boobs and underwear in our faces there. It is everywhere and we buy it hook, line, and sinker... but slowly, not knowing that we are being boiled in our own pot of hypocrisy, numbness, and smut.

One verse that has been so wrongly used in the Christian sub-culture world of dating is Proverbs 4:23. Come on, finish it for me: Above all else guard...  Yep. I know you've heard it. Maybe you've even quoted it when you were dating someone, or about to break up with someone. Or maybe you've thrown it in the face of your friend when you felt like they were loving too much too soon. But let's reclaim it today for the sake of what it truly means.

Proverbs 4:23 

Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. 

Whatever you put into your heart, mind, and soul, will eventually come out. (Luke 6:45)

If you put humility in your heart, serving others will spill out of you.

If you guard your heart with thankfulness, your well will not run dry with entitlement.

If you fill yourself up with patience, you will flow with kindness.

Likewise,

If you allow gossip to enter your heart, you will soon think of yourself higher than you ought.

If you engage in political hatred, you alienate people Jesus asks you to love.

If you shut yourself off from community, the well of your soul will feel isolated and alone.

Deeper still,

If you take in content through the internet, books, or movies that does not lift your soul, you will crave more, lust for more, soon be ensnared.

If you do not guard the sexual intimacy of your marriage, you will grow dissatisfied with your spouse and distance between you is inevitable, and you will seek it in other ways.

If you are not married and you seek to satisfy desires for relational intimacy apart of Jesus and purposeful community, you will become a target for the DLB to fill your heart with lies of entitlement, shame, rejection, and regret.

People, let us guard our hearts! Why exchange the truth for a lie? Why believe unholy thoughts that set themselves up against the knowledge of God? Why continue to learn about the stuff of this world but never arrive at the knowledge of the Truth?

Guard intimacy in your marriage. It is the only thing that is just for you and your spouse. It is a gift to be treasured and guarded, the point at which you can come together, recalibrate, refocus, refresh. Do not let anything in this world come into what was meant for just you and your life mate. If you need resources to help you grow in your understanding of intimacy with your spouse, email me.

If you are not married, guard your heart. The drive for sex can only be fully quenched in marriage. Love satisfies. Lust craves. Love gives. Lust takes. Love enables true intimacy. Lust kills true intimacy. Love protects. Lust destroys. Love builds your heart. Lust destroys your heart. Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

If you are a follower of Jesus, do not watch or read 50 Shades of Grey.

If you are not a follower of Jesus, guard your heart, too! Fill your mind and heart with life-giving, humanity-lifting wisdom. Do not watch 50 Shades of Grey.

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Many, many blessings to your heart! May Jesus satisfy your deepest needs to be known, loved, and treasured.

Pruning, Growing, and Death and Hell

The past few months have been fairly challenging for me and my family. Recently, I've said several times that Second Mile is being pruned. When we first moved to Tucson, an older, well-meaning, pastor's wife took me to the side and spoke to me with an intentional, sober tone with words of the necessity of building a fortress around my family, protecting my husband and my kids, because "the church" would destroy us if I didn't. Whoa. At that stage of my life, I listened to her with a sad curiosity of what made her say such things to me, but easily dismissed them and pushed the roots of my desire to love people and welcome them into my home and family even deeper. So, for ten years that's what I've done.

Recently, I faced a circumstance that brought that women back to my memory. I thought of her with new understanding as I dealt with something that made almost everything within me want to turn inward, to build a fortress around my family, to "protect" my husband and kids. There is no telling what that sweet woman had faced through the years, what her husband or family had endured, or even what she was currently dealing with, but I was facing very real thoughts of enough is enough. I have enough people in my life. There are enough people in our church. There is enough work to do. There are enough problems to deal with. Enough. Taking those dark thoughts captive felt like a work-out of heavy weight lifting. My heart muscle is still a little sore from it all. 

"I am the vine and my Father is the Gardner. He cuts off every branch in me that doesn't bear fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." John 15:1-2

Did you know that when a church is pruned, the leaders are probably also being pruned? It is good, painful, stretching, pulling, holy work for both the church and her leaders. The result: new, fresh, beautiful fruit. In my own life, I can see the buds of the fruit of new, fresh, beautiful desire to have more and more new people in my home and around my family, but with a deeper, richer dependance on God with my eyes set on him. I am working to learn to trust that as he uses my family to be hospitable, he will be the fortress around us, that he will truly protect my husband and kids. Sweet relief. 

"I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I remain in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

And for Second Mile? Well, we are growing! There are so many new faces each Sunday that it is difficult to meet everyone, and Second Milers are engaging with these people! It isn't left on Chad's or my shoulders. In fact, we can hardly meet anyone new because so many people are talking with them! It's fresh, beautiful fruit! I'm thankful and waiting with a holy awe of what God is doing among us.

To top it off, we just finished our annual week of prayer and fasting. More people than ever fully participated as we prayed for wisdom, for potential changes, for the ability to be radically hospitable. After our prayer gathering I was standing around 5-7 young people in their twenties, all of whom had fasted for an entire week. Rich, beautiful, God-pleasing fruit. 

"This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." John 15:8

In my very biased opinion, Chad has been bringing it on Sunday evenings! I think his teaching is getting better and better. My friend, Anna, once said about Chad's teaching, that she loves the times when it is obvious when Chad is talking but she knows it's actually the Holy Spirit speaking. I love it, too.  If you want to learn more about Jesus through the book of Hebrews, I encourage you to watch or listen to the series. 

However, in the spirit of learning to allow God to be my protector, I'm going to take this opportunity to defend myself. Wait. What? But in all silliness, in Chad's amazing teaching there have been a couple of times recently that he only half represented me to all the new people that are coming to Second Mile which brought good laughter from the crowd. I want to finish off this post by offering the rest of the story, an extra piece of fruit, if you will. Don't worry, I am not hurt in the least. If you listen to Chad talking about me and can't tell that he loves me, you aren't really listening. 

A few Sundays ago he was talking about my ability to relate with people. He often greatly encourages and praises me for my relational skills. I love when he points out some way I've specifically loved someone. He's my biggest fan. My family calls me Barbara Walters because they constantly witness people I don't even know telling me very profound things about their lives and crying as they speak to me. It's true. People often cry when they talk to me. I like to think it is because they know I'm safe, that I genuinely care, that they are laying down some of the burden they carry. Chad decided he should tell everyone on a Sunday night that if they talk to me, I will make them cry. Fantastic. People avoided eye contact with me the rest of the night. Just kidding. Sort of. 

This last Sunday Chad announced to everyone that I'm especially gifted at telling my kids they deserve death and hell. That's it. Mr. Detail left out the important details! It was in the middle of good words, and there was appropriate laughter. But, listen, there is a reason this is one of my life mottos. That's right, "I/we deserve death and hell" is a life motto and, in my opinion, for a very good reason. 

Our culture is such an entitled, selfish, bratty, obese creature, so to remind myself I don't "deserve" anything, but instead remember that all good things are gifts of God's grace to me, when I get greedy and selfish I tell myself what I could be getting (death and hell) and then start to thank God for the bountiful goodness that I have. So when my kids rear their selfish sides and try to tell me what they "deserve", I simply and calmly ask them what they actually deserve (death and hell), and then ask them to tell me some things they are thankful for. My hope and goal is to raise humans that are grateful, thankful, and content instead of little "I deserve" monsters. Capeesh? 

What's the point of these words spilling out of my heart? A few things: 

Pruning in me is producing a deeper dependance on God with a commitment to love people and serve the church. It is good and I like it.  

Second Mile is growing. People are going deeper in their own faith, and many new people are blessing us with their presence. I'm hoping people will want to link arms with us and do big things for Jesus in Tucson and the world. 

If you are new, I will try really hard not to make you cry or tell you that you deserve death and hell. 

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What about you? Have you experienced any pruning lately? What are you learning? Do you having any funny quirks you would be willing to share with us? 

Much pruning and many blessings to you! 

Merriment Recap Part One

Several people have asked Chad and me how we came up with the idea of having a masquerade party. The answer is fairly anticlimactic. I told Chad several years ago I wanted to have a big 40th birthday bash. We had a few conversations about how we should celebrate, but the real break through idea happened a few months ago. As we wandered around Pier One we happened upon a rack of beautiful venetian masquerade masks. As we played with them, I casually stated, "Maybe we should have a masquerade ball for my 40th." Chad's eyes widened and I knew he would take the idea and run.

Chad is, shall we say, a bit more extravagant than me. I describe myself as very practical. I buy practical clothes. I make practical meals. Advice I give is usually very practical. I usually don't have room in my life for fluff or grandeur. I'm practical to a fault.

Not so with Chad. 

He dresses to impress. He can command the attention of the room if necessary and he can sit back, observe, and relax if necessary. He gives huge gifts and he is willing to spend money on our family just for the sake of having fun (responsibly, of course.) In fact, I just remembered, when we were first married I had a $25 limit on what I would spend on shoes for myself. He talked me into trying on some sweet Nike running shoes that were 75 whole dollars. I freaked out and refused to buy them. One of the things that attracts me most to Chad is he is more strong-willed than me, doesn't let me push him around, and shows great compassion and concern in caring for me. He bought the shoes for me that day. He's been doing crazy stuff like that for me for the last almost 18 years. 

I knew the masquerade party was going to be extravagant as soon as I realized he was serious about making it happen. My imagination couldn't have recreated anything comparable to what he planned and facilitated on a lovely Friday night in April. Naturally, he couldn't have pulled this off alone. He had a detail list maker/errand runner friend, decorators, a food planner, a invitation designer, light stringers, table and chair arrangers, and various other types of helpers. One comment he made to me has come to my mind and heart many times over the last two weeks. He said, "It was easy to recruit help for your party because so many people love you." I truly felt the love from my beautiful friends and amazing husband. I cannot thank you all enough for helping Chad pull off the most amazing, lovely, enchanting birthday party! 

The details of the evening were exquisite.

photo by Blake S.

It was so hard for me to decide which path to take to the party. 

photo by Jamie S.

Beautiful decorations! Sarah and Emily are so very creative, artistic, and classy. 

The food was delicious. We had three separate buffet areas, a taco bar, veggies and hummus, chips and salsa bar, and a fruit and dessert bar. I could have eaten all night, but I was quickly distracted by hugging sweet friends and dancing with my sweet hubby. 

And pretty Trader Joe's beverages. This little detail meant so much to me because these bottles of Italian Soda (TJ's sparkling lemonade not shown) are the opposite of practical. It added a special touch of class. 

Our Disguises 

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Oh my. I think these kids are awesome. They each checked in with me throughout the evening to ask if I was having fun and if I was feeling ok. They see the ins and outs of the effects of my stroke, so they were very concerned that I would overdo it during the party. Allowing them to care for me over the last eight months because of my health has been an interesting learning curve for me. They each show tenderness in very different and beautiful ways. I adore them and I think they adore me. 

Chad and I love to dance together. We both grew up country dancing, so we are fairly proficient. Also, we've been dancing together since 1991. We went to an agriculture university in the early 90s. The school sponsored country dances regularly. To tattle on Chad a little bit, he would only dance with five different girls because "why would I pay $10 to go dance with girls that
don't know how to dance?!" Whew. Glad I made the final cut and beat out the other four ladies. 

We have so much fun together! 

Sadly, there are two photos I did not make sure were taken. One, a full family photo. Chad was very busy being the ultimate host and I was enjoying the party and spaced it. Lame. Two, I didn't take a full length photo of my outfit. Lame. And seriously, when will I ever wear this fanciness again? So this is the closest thing I have to the whole look. Let me just say, those shoes are awesome. 

Everything about him makes me smile. 

Cheesing it up in the photo booth. That's right. We had a photo booth. The very talented Laura K. Moore gifted us this fun party detail. Unless otherwise noted, all photos are her fancy work. 

I think we make a good couple even with our faces masked. 

I shared in this blog post one of the reasons I was excited to have this party. If you were able to come, thank you. I can't express how your hugs, your smiles, your amazing verbalized words, and your beautifully written words filled my heart. I couldn't go to sleep after the party because my mind was playing the enchanting images over and over and over. It was the perfect way to kick off my forties!

Chad, your extravagant love for me humbles me, nourishes me, challenges me. You do such an amazing job serving and leading me and our kids. I'm so glad others were able to witness so tangibly through this party how much you honor me. I don't think most people know how much work and planning went into this because you never complained about how much you were doing or had to do. But, that is true of your whole life. Your integrity to put your hand to the plow and work hard inspires me. I love that others are seeing more and more what an amazing guy you are. Thank you for the best Angel's 40th Masquerade Merriment! If the whole pastor thing doesn't work out, maybe you can be a party planner?

Ok. For those of you gagging over my mushiness, you can breathe now. Also, the whole Pastor Chad thing is working out just fine. No worries there.

Marriage and Grace

Seventeen years.

I've been married to my best friend on a crazy adventure for 17 years.

During our first year of marriage I taught seventh grade language arts and social studies while he finished school.

Second and third year we spent overseas studying a new language and developing friendships with locals.

Fourth year we were back in our home town of Las Cruces, NM to work with youth at the church we so loved.

Fifth through eighth God allowed us to lead a college ministry in Emporia, KS where we met some of our life long friends.

Ninth year we hung out in Lincoln, NE because we were running from God because starting a church seemed terrifying. Thankfully, even in our running, God brought good friendship into our lives and reunited us with highly influential people from our past.

Then we moved to Tucson, and here we remain, prayerfully, to live out our days working for His glory in this city and sending out people to wherever He asks them to go.

Through all the adventure of moving to experience the training God had for us in different types of ministry our marriage has remained strong. Don't get me wrong. We aren't perfect. In fact, both of us are selfish sinners and can be quite obnoxious. But our heart's desire through the last 17 years has been to love, cherish, communicate, defend, lift up, and depend on one another. We intentionally work on our relationship through deep conversation on how to communicate more clearly, we read books about marriage together, we laugh a lot, we listen, we strive to fight fairly. We love each other deeply. We work on our relationship. It is worth it because the work often doesn't seem like work.

Seventeen years. It has flown by. I'm looking forward to many more years with this man. He's a good one.

P.S. Braggy posts about how great life is has come to paralyze me in blogging. I have no desire whatsoever to set my life up as one the that is superior to anyone else's. ONLY by God's grace is my marriage thriving. ONLY by God's grace have I learned some things about parenting. ONLY by God's grace do I lead a women's ministry. But do you know when I am more aware of God's grace? When I fail in selfishness as a wife by being too lazy to meet my husband's needs. When I yell at my kids and have to ask for forgiveness. When I overlook a woman's needs because I'm afraid of what may be required of me to minister to her. Let me be clear, friends. My life is not perfect. I so desire to live out the truths of scripture through the power of the Holy Spirit by Jesus working in my life. I want to throw off everything that hinders and run with perseverance. But lots and lots of times I don't. I am a wounded soul that weeps at the base of the cross because I need him and know His grace enables me to do anything that I do. His grace alone. His grace alone. I'm thankful for my 17 year marriage that His great, free, redeeming, glorious grace has allowed me to experience.  

More thoughts on this to come....  

Linking up with Jami