Read the Signs

As someone who has been involved in some sort of ministry for almost twenty years, my heart and mind can swim for days in stories of real people's lives I've been privileged to hear. People who know me well tease me about having a "tell me everything" sign on my forehead. It's a gift and a curse. I continue to ask God to teach and enable me to love people well. It is impossible to love if you aren't willing to listen.

Second Mile has been in existence for almost ten years. Not to sound cliche, but it's hard to believe. Time flies. Just to emphasize the major life transition ten years can hold, when we moved to Tucson my kids were eight, four, and two years old. 

Then. Such sweet little cuties!

And now. They are still cuties, but not so little.

During those ten years, the flow of people coming in and out of our church has had its peaks and pits. When you see people who left their former church because of tremendous pain come back to reconcile and grow in a group of like-minded potential friends, my heart swells with thanksgiving that God provides more restitution chances than we deserve or can imagine. However, when people you love must move away because of passions, jobs, or adventure, your heart hurts because of the void they leave in your life and community. 

There have been a few times in the life of our church that someone has left Second Mile out of hurt or anger at us. I've definitely learned that not everyone can/will be happy with you all the time. Community is like a big mason jar full of grapes that has been shaken for about an hour, a big hot juicy mess of bruised individuals that bleed all over each other. In other ministry settings, I watched church staff people do back flips and hula hoop tricks trying to get people to stick around. We aren't in the back flip/hula hoop show biz, so when people find that they desire to leave we seek to have a good discussion, make every effort for peace, and hope for healing, restoration, and growth for them and for us. 

However, over the last few months there have been a couple of people not interested in engaging further in Second Mile for a reason that has burned my prophet heart right up. In searching for depth, they did not feel as if they could find it in the stories of the people of our church. 

On any given Sunday you can come and see people laughing, being goofy, crying with a friend, talking about their week, worshiping with arms straight up in the air, worshiping while sitting quietly with eyes open and heart bowed down. But did you know that you can not tell what a single person has been through or is going through by showing up at our gathering or even having coffee with a person a couple of times? To know a person, at the very least, it takes chitchat that builds in trust, time, patience, true interest in who they are, and vulnerability to share who you are.  

Jeff Foxworthy has a comedy sketch called Here's Your Sign. In it he makes fun of people who ask obvious questions or do dumb things and implies that life would be easier if people wore a stupid sign. Sad, but funny. 

I read an article several months ago that twisted the concept. What if we all wore signs that gave a small glimpse into our history or current situation? My assumption is we would be so much more gentle with people. When I'm talking with someone at the store that fusses at me, I try to not snap back because maybe their invisible sign says they deal with chronic pain. Or maybe the person who just won't return my phone call has a sign with the words, "My child has been up all night for the past week and I'm exhausted." Tragically, the signs so many people could be wearing would make someone like me groan and weep and pray because people's lives contain situations of unspeakable difficulty and pain.

But, here's the thing about all this sign talk. We don't get to know! We have no right to say, "Um, excuse me. You seem a little off today. Could you give me a hint to what you may be carrying today so that I can respond to you correctly?" Ridiculous, right? But can we as humans just assume that life is hard and people have been through crazy junk that would make our brows sweat and our stomachs turn if we truly knew what was or is on the plates of those we encounter?

So, to those of you who do not want to engage with our community or another community because people's stories aren't broken enough for you...
There will be no back flips from me for you to stick around today. I'm actually sorry for you. You are missing out on story after story after story of redemption among the lives of people that God cherishes. He does not measure what we've been through. He's actually looking for broken and contrite hearts (not lives) that desire to prove love for him through obedience. So maybe I don't have a story that the world would critique as movie worthy, but I know that I have been redeemed and my heart is to run after him, and that, my friend, pleases Him, so if it doesn't please you, take it up with Jesus.

To those of you whose signs would express emotional, physical, and/or spiritual pain...
Jesus knows you and loves you! When He walked the earth He encountered a woman at the well and He knew her story. He revealed to her that she could worship Him in freedom! The disciples that were with Him didn't get it. They couldn't read the sign. People will fail. Don't allow it to cultivate bitterness in your heart, but instead, let it turn your heart more and more and more towards Jesus.

To the people who call themselves followers of Jesus, but are unable or inept at reading signs...
Read the gospels every single day to study how the Man you claim to follow loves people. There are so many different kinds of people in the world. People who are happy, sad, funny, hurting, angry, cheer for a different team, dress opposite of what you would choose, vote differently than you (For the love! Can Christians please stop being so politically hateful?!), speak different languages, say terrible things to you at the store, flip you off on the highway, tell your kid they suck at sports, bosses who lead poorly, professors who grade unfairly, and on and on and on. Jesus loves them all so much, whether you are willing to or not. When we refuse to bestow dignity on people around us we are denying that they are made in the very image of the God we serve and love! If you don't believe me, take Him at His word. Here are some links for you. Matthew 5:43-48, John 13:34-35, Proverbs 31:8-9 (one of my favorites), Mark 12:30-31  LOVE! There is no excuse not to. Anything less is disobedience.

To those who seek to love well and pay attention to the lives of those whose paths you cross everyday and to those who want to live this way...
Keep up the good work. I know it pleases Jesus. You are living out the gospel. Ask Him to fill you up when kindness isn't returned to you by people you encounter. Ask Him to continue to give you insight in how to love like He loves.

Friends, if we can't point people to Jesus by how we treat them, speak to them, see that there is more to them than meets the eye, then we can't point people to Jesus at all. Pray for wisdom and read the signs.

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How do you pay attention to people around you and respond with love despite how they respond to you? Do you judge a book by its cover or do you seek to know the story? What can you do to love the people you encounter today in a way that honors Jesus? Who is difficult for you to love? What is one step you can take to remedy your lack of love for them? 

Because I Said So

One of my blog world pet peeves right now happens to be a very popular trend. It actually makes me cringe every time I see a Facebook post with four little words in the title. I couldn't put my finger on the specifics of why it bothered me so much until the last few days.

As I mentioned in my last post Chad and I are currently leading a group of up and coming leaders in Second Mile. Challenging a group to think deeply about different aspects of leadership always challenges me to rethink and relearn, as well as enjoy new ah-ha moments of leading others. One of the exercises we work through in the class is coming up with a list of our own personal core values. Friends, this is not an easy process. I've been working on my list for a couple of years now and it is finally coming together in a more satisfactory way. In fact, I'm ready to share my list with you. Just kidding. I'm definitely not at that point. But I will share one.

               Understanding

I so value understanding. The funny thing is I shared with the group last week that "self-awareness" was one of my values, but in just six short days it morphed into the more descriptive value of my life as "understanding."

Through the lens of truly understanding, I highly value

• knowing who I am, how I'm wired, how I process the world.
• when others truly know themselves and seek to be better.
• the background of those who are telling me stories.
• the history and context of someone who is hearing my story so that I can fit my words into their framework.
• the opinions of others. (This is a developing skill. Note I said understanding opinions, not agreeing with opinions.)   

A couple of passages in the Bible have been key in my heart and I didn't realize the connection until Sunday night. 

Psalm 119:33-34 

Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees that I may keep them to the end. Give me understanding, so I may keep your law and obey it with all my heart. 

Proverbs 18:2 

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing her own opinion.

I've always been a person who wanted to know why. "Because I said so" continues to mean pretty much nothing to me, not because I'm rebellious, but because I value understanding. I want to understand and help my kids understand. I want others to understand. I want to understand the Bible so I can obey it with all my heart. Understanding bolsters my relationship with Jesus and my relationships with others. 

Before I get back to the pet peeve I mentioned earlier, I want to make a clarification so you can understand I don't mind if you've done this. There is no judgement from me to you. I only cringe when I see the posts because my heart to is see the whole picture, a response, an ability to understand. You've seen the posts. You've been stirred by them. You've even sided with some of them. 

An Open Letter To ________________. 

Dear celebrity, 

Dear politician,

Dear moms of younger children,

Dear moms of older children, 

Dear person I've never met and will probably never meet, 

Dear person I don't know how your day is going and you were really rude to me so I'm going to respond to you, 

Did you see me just get up on my little soap box just now? 

Dear lady on her soap box who should step on down from there, 

Please know I get the point of these letters. From my understanding (heehee) they are to make a directed point in an area of disagreement with something or someone we've encountered in our life. And let me just say even those of us who haven't actually written one out have possibly written them in our heads in one form or another. 

The problem to me is a lack of understanding, a lack of dialogue, a lack of response. The verse I mentioned above says that a fool doesn't try to understand, but only airs their opinion. I do not want to be a fool. 

Actually, I want to respond to others with understanding which is perceiving and comprehending. Understanding does not mean I have to agree with everything. But for me to be able to engage with love towards those around me, I want to understand. When I don't understand I find myself responding with fear or hate or apathy or annoyance or extremes. 

But even if I don't agree with a personal political preference, but work to understand someone's point of view, I can respond with dignity, directness, and diplomacy. 

Even if I don't agree with how someone can be so hateful on the road to another driver, I can seek to understand that maybe they are having a bad day or were raised with different manners than I was, and I can respond with dignity, compassion, and directness. 

Even if I don't agree with how someone in my community is dealing with a life situation, I can seek to understand their perspective and lovingly come along side to help, carry the load, bestow dignity. 

When we don't respond to the world with understanding, we set ourselves above others, we steal dignity which is part of being an image bearer of God, we lose our voice to the world around us, we look closed off and closed-minded. 

If you know me you know I have strong opinions. Understanding does not mean you forfeit the right to think and formulate opinions. On the contrary, understanding deepens your personal insight into the world around you as you lean heavily on God's word. Twenty years ago I naively began to ask God to give me understanding into His word and how it applies to the world. His faithfulness to sand paper away the edges of dogmatic opinion has led me to love Him more deeply which has led me to love others more deeply with a desire to understand. 

The great thing about a blog post like this is it only creates more questions for me. How does understanding differ from agreement? How can you seek to understand in split second scenarios without passing judgement? At what point does seeking to understand become a hinderance to action? 

What about you? Have you thought about understanding the world around you on a micro and macro scale? To you, what is the link between understanding and dignity? 

Share you thoughts with us. Send me an email if you want more discussion on this topic. I will work to seek understanding in your thoughts and questions. 

Touched by an Unlikely Angel

I've walked the track at Udall park consistently for the last couple of weeks. To me the best time to walk this park is in the morning. There are lots of folks making the rounds. You will not be surprised to know that I am one of those annoying people who greet passers-by with a smile and a hello. Don't worry. If they don't make eye contact, I let them slip by ungreeted.

There has been a very smiley, friendly older gentleman I've noticed several mornings. Two weeks ago when he passed me he exclaimed, "Sure hope this walking helps us live longer!" I stumbled over my words and only came up with, "Uh-huh! Sure do!" What?! What kind of a response is that? I kicked myself around the track thinking of a hundred better responses I should have had. Opportunity missed.

Yesterday I headed out at 8:00 to walk my track circles. Guess what? The same very smiley, friendly gentleman passed me. The first time we passed each other we both smiled and said good morning. I recognized him and remembered his live longer comment from our last encounter. As I passed him the second time a huge smile stretched across his mustached face and he exclaimed, "Sure hope this walking helps us live longer!" I responded with a profound, "Uh-huh! Sure do!" What?!? Are you kidding me? I missed the opportunity again?

If my body language showed any aspect of what was going through my brain I was kicking the dirt and wringing my hands. I lamented to Jesus telling him that I've been pondering hope so much and the sweet older gentleman spoke to me of one of his hopes and all that came out of my mouth was "Uh-Huh?" I asked the Spirit for another chance and to give me good words.

It "just so happened" he was coming around the track again. I could see him many yards ahead. If you know me, you know that I don't mind introducing myself to anyone at anytime. When were were just a couple of feet away from each other, I stepped in his lane and stuck out my hand. He didn't even flinch. His smile broadened.

I told him that I had a different reply to his comment on hoping to live longer by walking. And then I introduced myself. "My name is Angel." He replied, "I'm George. Nice to meet you."

As I began to share my answer about hope, the conversation took on a serious tone. Sometimes when I meet someone for the first time and have a spiritual conversation I feel as if they look at me like Monica (Roma Downey) from Touched by an Angel, not because I'm super spiritual and holy, but because my name is Angel. If I had a dollar for every time someone who just met me said, "You really are an Angel" then I could demonstrate my super spiritual holiness and give away a lot of dollars.

I wonder if I look a little like this to people who think I'm glowingly holy. 

source

If it makes my story more entertaining imagine me saying the following words to George with Roma Downey's Irish accent. I'm sure my head was totally glowing as I spoke with him. 

"George, I wanted to respond differently to why I come to walk every morning. You see, I've been thinking a lot about hope lately. Last August I had a stroke and four weeks ago I had heart surgery." 

(My head really started to glow after I said that.) 

"Because of my health challenges hope in my life has been refined. I learned that my days are numbered and I don't have any control over it, so I put my hope in Jesus. And the reason I walk every morning is because I hope to live stronger, and not necessarily longer." 

He got a little teary, hugged me, wished me luck, and told me to keep walking. 

My head stopped glowing, but my heart was full. Of course I don't see myself in a touched by an angel light, but it's fun to make fun of myself. 

The point of this silly story is a public confession that I miss opportunities and a personal reminder that opportunities can often be redeemed. If this very holy week of Easter reminds us of anything, it should remind us of redemption...in our days, in our relationships, in our conversations, in our souls. 

Colossians 4:5 

Be wise in the way that you act to outsiders. Make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. 

(You should read that verse again with a wonderful Irish accent. I think it's a good way to end this post.)

A Drag? No Way

Sometimes I receive emails or Facebook messages from old friends telling me that they read my blog. So far, every message I've gotten from past relationships concerning my blog have been extremely positive. The messages are unexpected and encouraging.  

This weekend I got a message from someone that helped bring a youth group to Tucson for a mission trip when we were young church plant. This was how she ended the message to me:  "You do a great job of speaking truth but at the same time not making your walk with God look like a total drag." Thanks, Rita! 

I don't say any of this stuff to toot my own horn. Pride is gross. False humility is also gross. 

The reason I'm sharing this is to encourage all of us to be bold! Speak truth! But, don't be annoying and lame.  

Is that harsh? 

How many times have I heard people talk about being persecuted in work or school situations for their faith only to find out that they are super self-righteous and unrelatable? Sometimes we aren't actually being persecuted for our faith, but being shunned because we forgot to have social skills, and then blame it on our faith.  

Here are a few of my favorite passages concerning speaking truth, but not making your walk with Christ look like a total drag: 

2 Corinthians 4:1-2 (The Living Bible)

It is God himself, in his mercy, who has given us this wonderful work of telling his good news to others, and so we never give up. We do not try to trick people into believing - we are not interested in fooling anyone. We never try to get anyone to believe the Bible teaches what it doesn’t. All such shameful methods we forego. We stand in presence of God as we speak and so we tell the truth, as all who know us will agree. 

Colossians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so you may know how to answer everyone. 

1 Peter 3:15 (NIV)

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.  

Every passage speaks so clearly about the importance of being bold in sharing your relationship with Jesus with others. Also, every passage speaks so clearly about the need to show that through your relationship with Jesus you know how to love people...not being a trickster, full of grace and mercy, hope, gentleness, respect. 

I want to boldly speak truth, show people that I love Jesus, that following Him is joyful. Sometimes it is fun, adventurous, very difficult, but never a drag. 

What about you? How would you describe your walk with Jesus right now? What are you doing to keep it from becoming a drag?