Strength of my Heart

Thursday, August 23, 2012  ::  

Awhile back I made a list of my personal values. I've written about that list before. Today I've been thinking about the fact that I truly value strength, emotional, physical, and spiritual.

I notice people who are emotionally strong. Drama frustrates me, so when someone processes difficulties in life with thoughtfulness and a heart to grow I take notice to learn from them. 

Chad's hands are strong man hands. The strength of his hands are one of my favorite things about him. He has a killer grip. I've seen him twist and turn such tightly stuck pipes and trinkets that his knuckles were white with strength. His grip and inner grit give him the ability to unstick just about all stuck junk. I dare you to play mercy with him. 

My parents taught me when I was younger if I'm ever in a situation where someone is working that I shouldn't just sit and watch or turn away and ignore. I should get off my derriere and help! If there is work to be done, do it! Therefore, if Chad is scraping tile and glue off our floors until midnight I feel compelled to help. If we are cleaning the yard, I don't stop until it is finished. My desire to be strong enough to finish the job often overtakes the logic in my head telling me to go to bed. Hard work makes me feel durable and tough. 

Today I am reflecting on a personal situation with which I am dealing. In taking the first step to open my mouth to share I feel like a deer in headlights. I just don't want to talk about it.  

Because my desire to be strong betrays me. 

Because admitting I am worried makes me feel weak. 

Because physical pain is often difficult for me to discern. I struggle with wondering whether it really hurts or am I just being fragile. 

Because re-telling the story over and over or answering sincere questions of how I'm doing is a constant reminder of the possibility that I could just be an impotent weakling. 

My heart and brain wrestle with the truth of His Word. Jesus whispers a reminder of strength that is found in weakness. His power rests on those who delight in Him.  Surrendering these frustrating lies of how strong I should be to Christ is my hope and goal. 

Strength is displayed in allowing people who love me to carry and pray for me. 

Strength comes in knowing that the name of the Lord is a strong tower. 

Strength from God brings peace, trust, and hope that He will complete the work He began in me.

The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him. 2 Chronicles 16:9 

I'm taking my wrong thoughts about strength captive and surrendering to the Spirit weaving His strength through my heart and mind. My self-centered ideas of strength exhaust me. To believe that as my heart grows in commitment to Him, that His very eyes are on me, strengthening me. There is no strength that compares to the strength of the God of the universe. 

My contrived notions of what it means to be and act strong are a pitiful imitation compared to being a woman who is clothed in the strength and dignity of Christ. 

Whom have I in heaven but you? And the earth has nothing I desire besides you. My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:25-26

10 important comments so far. What are your thoughts?

Angela DeSoto said...

I love you so dearly, Angel. Just before I saw you posted this I had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to just take this "thing" from you and carry you through it. It really does frustrate me as your friend to not be able to do that for you. As I watch you surrender to allowing Jesus to carry you, I am challenged to release that to Him as well. I love that Jesus loves you so much to continue to refine your character through your trials, as He does with all of us. I am encouraged by your reliance on Him.

Anonymous said...

My precious daughter, I am so thankful that our Father is our strong rock!! I love hearing how you are clinging to Jesus. Thank you for being strong enough to allow us to 'cling' with you through this walk! And thank you for reminding me that 'in my (our) weakness He is made strong!' I totally agree with what Angela wrote.... I want to just take this thing from should be me not you!!! I'm so thankful that you and Chad are walking hand in hand with our loving Father....(we are following close behind!!) :) I love you!

Tia Edwards said...

I love your honesty in your process. Could not agree with the above comments more. So thankful for how Jesus uses His Word to speak His Truth to our hearts! Love you so much, friend!

Unknown said...

Thank you for this wonderful post and allowing us to journey with you as Jesus is working wonders in your life, calling you closer to himself. Thank you so much!


Unknown said...

Some days I physically can't get out of bed, and on those days I sit and think, "How would I talk about myself if this was my every day?" So much of my identity is wrapped up in my physical ability. It's eye-opening to go back to the very basics of where my identity is defined.

Leslie @ top of the page said...

The "when I am weak then I am strong" paradox is one of those deep mysteries to me in the Bible. I am drawn into it and want to challenge myself to know it better because it's other-worldly, so radical compared to the worlds definition of strength. I love how you called it an imitation...and that hints to me of the enemy's fingerprints. Doesn't it? He always tries to sell us on cheap substitutes rather than let us fall into the mystery, in faith. I feel for you since I know the practice of writing a post in order to preach it more clearly to yourself. But I love how the Lord is shepherding you. Thanks for sharing your real struggle with letting Him reshape your beliefs about what it means to be strong. It's encouraging.

Jen said...

Angel I love you dearly and love how you open your heart!! I agree with Angelas post!! It's is killin me being so far away but you remind me that Jesus is your rock!! Thanks for your vulnerability so blessed by you.

Kelsi Somers said...

I am encouraged by your relentless pursuit of understanding and clinging to the truth of being refined by his strength in our weaknesses. I love your rawness and transparency angel:) thankyou friend!

Kelsi Somers said...

I am encouraged by your relentless pursuit of understanding and clinging to the truth of being refined by his strength in our weaknesses. I love your rawness and transparency angel:) thankyou friend!

Jayson and Heather Talag said...

Thanks, Angel. I want to learn this lesson, too. Here are some words that our Father spoke to me a few months back - I hope they bring you hope: "Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you, he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD in a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 30:18

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