Stability, Abundance, and a Giveaway

Monday, February 04, 2019  ::  

Way back in 2005, right after we moved to Tucson to plant a church called Second Mile, Chad attended a conference about starting a church. My guess is he expected to return to our new city with ideas and strategies. Instead, he shared with our small group of ten that God had only impressed on him one thing: Teach Scripture.

He often tells me he's a simple man and this one life-transformational, God-given direction demonstrates this reality in his life. From that point, my beloved husband 'simply' began systematically teaching books of the Bible, verse by verse, chapter by chapter. From his faithful obedience to teach what God told him to teach and our church's faithful obedience to take in the most delightful passages as well as the most difficult passages, our church continues to grow... in depth more than breadth, but still, both.

He shared with us a few weeks ago that we will be starting the Gospel of Matthew on February 17th. After over a year in 1st and 2nd Samuel, heading into the New Testament excites me to no end. I hope you'll join us on the journey.

To pump you up a bit, I'm going to do another give away. It turns out I love giving you things, especially books!

Jen Wilkin recently shared this new book series and it immediately sparked joy for me. They are gorgeous, individual books of the Bible, so obviously, I ordered 10 ESV Illuminated Scripture Journal: Matthew books. I think the gold-foil stamped cover is lovely. As we go through our new message series, one could use this book to journal, to take notes, to create art that moves you to worship, etc.



With joy, I'm going to give away 3 copies. Comment here, on facebook, or on instagram with why you are looking forward to Matthew. I'll give it a week or so, but don't delay. In the last giveaway I hosted, only 27 people participated... pretty good odds! I am also selling these for $6. Let me know if you would like one. I'll have them on Sundays or you can arrange to stop by my office.

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On prayer and fasting:

As most of you know we recently finished up our annual Week of Prayer and Fasting. As I consider how you all engaged, I decided to share my experience to encourage you. One of my kids deeply strengthened me recently as they observed and stated that Chad and I keep pressing in, year after year, allowing God to refine us no matter how "big" or "small" some might perceive the refinement. I hope you know we are all in with you, no short cuts or easy outs for us.

January 8th was a rough day for me. I lamented to Chad that January sucks: The holidays are over, Kyle and Esther move back to their school places of living (i.e., not home), Morgan and Carah go back to school, we stop drinking coffee, we have to write the prayer booklet, and then we don't get to eat. Whhhyyyyy??? 

As you can see, I was feeling all my feelings about what was to come. Thankfully, God did not leave me in my misery and was faithful to teach and show me great and unsearchable truths despite my dread of the month.

First, physically:

Giving up caffeine was harder than ever before. Thankfully, we started our coffee fast on January 7th before we began fasting from food because my age and my addiction showed this year. I had every, single, withdrawal symptom for almost a full week. Fun times. I'm going to be more aware of my caffeine intake from now on, and next year, I will not go cold turkey. A little research goes a long way, my friends.

After we all broke our fast on January 27th, I struggled with brain fog, weakness, fatigue, and sadness, again, for almost a full week. After talking to my good friend, Aluvia, I learned that next year, I need to have quality electrolytes on hand. Of course, some of my sadness was due to the let down after a week of intense church togetherness in prayer and fasting, but the other struggles were physical. It was no joke.

(Many of you do not know this and I only share to encourage and challenge you, definitely not to boast.) Chad and I often extend our fast longer than one week. This year was the longest I've ever fasted and it was, by far, the best experience I've ever had. I'm amazed at how God designed our bodies. It's incredible. Typically in a food fast, the first week is often difficult. For me, after week one, my body settled down, my brain was quick and clear, and I felt almost invincible. Of course, I hungered, but boredom bugged me more. If you want to extend your fast in the future, let's talk. I'm happy to help and challenge you. (I do think the extended fast is what made breaking the fast more difficult. Chad and I researched how to break it, we ate only veggies and broth for almost three days. I missed the electrolyte piece, but I'm on it for next time.)

More importantly, spiritually:

Each year, extending the fast gives my heart and mind more needed time to work into the required stillness. The first week I spent wrestling. As the toxins left my physical body, I imagined the toxins leaving my soul. Prayerful tears spilled over as I began to see lack of love and patience in areas of my life, but resolve and hope didn't come until week two.

Currently, I'm studying the book of Isaiah. God used his Word to show me his love in a couple of distinct ways:

Through the years at Second Mile, I've always been one of the oldest people, if not the oldest person in our body. This reality, I believe, has kept me young, so I do not usually complain, even though I often jokingly make the observation. The last couple of years increased my awareness of my age difference. My kids are older; Chad and I will be empty nesters too soon. I'm 45 which isn't young. (Yes, I know it isn't old either. That's why it's called middle-aged.) What I didn't know, or at least didn't care to notice, was a growing angst, impatience, and isolation/self-preservation slowly threading it's dark thread through my heart. I found myself frustrated by the age difference, not caring about generational differences, wondering about my place in our community with so many cultural shifts. I felt awkward at best and irritated at worst. As he often does, God breathed kindness and gentleness into me again through prayer and scripture. It feels like a deep inhale of fresh air after the rain. What a gift to be asked to lead people! May my life continually overflow with the fruit of the Spirit. He specifically used Isaiah 33:2, 5-6. He is my arm of strength and the stability and abundance of my life.

Thursday in the prayer booklet, we were asked to spend time in confession and repentance. (Full disclosure: I wrote most of this day. What was I thinking?? Eek!) With great kindness, he pulled back the veil on great fear I've been holding in my heart about the next few years. So much (feels like too much) change and transition is coming my way. I won't get into those details, but I will say in my own self, I'm scared. Part of the fear is the wrong belief that there isn't enough to go around, there is a shortage of opportunities, friendship, space, and even love. God showed me that I do not have any doubt that there is enough for everyone else. I fully believe there is enough for all of you all the time. The darkness of my wrong thinking is that there isn't enough for me which leads to me over-protecting myself and over-loving/serving everyone else. Deep plowing of my heart and mind to be sure. Again, he graciously used Isaiah 40 to show me there is absolutely no scarcity in Christ. And, I begged him to show me how to deal with the coming changes. Instead, he showed me he has not forgotten me, he is the everlasting God, and then asked me to wait for him instead of running ahead to figure out all the answers. I imagine I'll have to cling to Jesus and these revelations many, many times over the next few years.

Friends, please do not allow what I learned through our Week of Prayer and Fasting cause you to compare, complain, or confuse what you did or did not learn. We seek communion with God when we do this; we do not seek great "experiences" of him. My main source of joy and sustenance throughout the fast was Jesus alone. This year he poured out his generosity through conviction and healing to me, but I don't expect him to work in the same ways all the time. He is enough. His Word speaks to me. His Spirit moves. I'm humbled and grateful.

What was your experience as you prayed and/or fasted? Did you engage with the booklet? What did you learn? Was it difficult and good or difficult and just difficult? Share with me. I would love to know. And don't forget about the Matthew journal giveaway. I have so much love for you all.

3 important comments so far. What are your thoughts?

Erin Phillips said...

Thanks for your vulnerability in sharing, Angel! I pray you can tangibly and emotionally feel us linking arms with you as you walk through each new stage with your family and community. Love you! I'm so excited to get to study one of the gospels in true Chad-form. I can't wait to get into a deeper level and learn new things about Jesus and his disciples.

Katharine Tollenaar said...

I am looking forward to Matthew for many reasons. 1- this may be a "back to basics" time I'm in. Looking forward to seeing this book through fresh eyes.
2- Chad's way of dissecting the Bible gives me life. I'm so excited to study this book piece by piece and getting to know the character and love of Jesus more.
3. Quite honestly, because I need it. I need Jesus. I need a refresher of who He is. I want my heart healed and I want my identity to be so firm in who He is.

Unknown said...

Angel, thank you. Thank you for graciously, humbly, and courageously leading us. You truly have helped me place my hands in the scars of our savior and say My Lord and My God (John 20:29).
If I am honest, I am approaching Matthew hesitantly. A lurking fear exists that I have created a Savior that makes me comfortable. What if in reading Matthew I walk away disappointed because Jesus is not who I thought. I am trusting that what I know of God’s character will not be shaken and I hope to be surprised by the story of Jesus of Nazareth.

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