I went through the week with my big ole mouth telling people about my potential coming trip. I'm a story teller and this was a great one to tell. Everyone was super excited with me. I continually told everyone that I was keeping my expectations low because I didn't want to be disappointed. I said that I wanted to enjoy any little part of this experience that was given to me. Was I lying or did I really believe the words coming out of my mouth?
Yesterday the producer sent me an email that said they had decided not to fly me to the show. My heart sank when I read the words. One of the areas that I struggle with is feeling stupid. My brain was instantly filled with thoughts of how stupid I am for telling so many people about the show. I was completely disappointed. I sent two mass texts and posted the change of plans on facebook so I wouldn't have to tell everyone. And, then I had a pretty good pity party... for reals. A short, but ugly one. Apparently, my expectations were a little higher than I had anticipated.
I took about 20 minutes by myself in my bedroom. I had intended to go cry a little bit, but I was reminded of the amazing gifts in my life... Chad, my great kids, amazing family and friends, a house that is big enough to host people, a love for hospitality that comforts people when they come over, an awesome community, and the hobby of writing letters to people I've never met about things that are just fun and silly. To be honest the small experience in talking to a producer of the Nate Berkus show was really fun. She told me several times that I'm cute and I'm choosing to believe that is New York City speak for "you are well spoken and witty." It was great and fun and surreal. Why should I discount any of it? I won't.
So, thank you, God, for Chad, my great kids, amazing family and friends, a house that is big enough to host people, the gift of hospitality, an awesome community, the strength of communication, and for the producer of the Nate Berkus show that thinks I'm really cute! And thank you so, so, so much for the things you have planned for me that no one can recount to you!!