Deeper Still :: The Glory of Christmas

This year I asked God to give me fresh insight and deeper wisdom into the glory of Christmas. Many people know Christmas brings me joy, but only a few people truly see my giddy, overwhelmed heart and tears as I contemplate the awe and beauty of it all.

In the Old Testament God set forth his law for people to understand his holiness, for people to know how to approach him, and for people to pay for their transgressions through sacrifice. He mercifully revealed himself and showed his people that he is gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. (Exodus 34:6) But to approach him took great care, ceremony, and permission. His presence was shown in a pillar of fire, or on a mountain, or so magnificent that one had to hide in a cleft of a rock and only see God's back because his presence was too rich, holy, and glorious for human consumption. He was and is good, but to approach him demanded sacrifice. *

Enters Jesus, a human, a baby, made for relationship.

Everything that was known about God changed the moment Jesus was conceived in Mary. Can you imagine the God of the universe in the womb of a young woman? He entered through a family line lowly enough to show his availability to everyone. The details and order of the prophecy and lineage for God to be born into the world at the perfect moment: profound.

It is difficult for me to fathom the radical shift in God's availability to humanity through relationship with Jesus. He meets me in my questions of doubt, and lovingly guides me to truth through his word. During Christmas I imagine myself worshipping a baby in a barn. He is the same God shining in glory on the mountain with Moses. As a baby he's defenseless, and yet that tiny baby came to crush the yoke of slavery and injustice with power and might on the cross. A thrill of hope, joy to the world, Word of the Father now in flesh appearing. Christmas, Emmanuel, God with us.

This week I read an important aspect of the birth of Christ that I had never heard, or at least had never paid attention to. Leviticus 25 maps out a significant detail of the law of Sabbath. It describes the Year of Jubilee, the last year of the seventh period of seven years, the forty-ninth year. "In that year, all slaves were to be freed and all debts were to be forgiven; all the land and all the people were to have rest from their weariness and from their burdens. The seventh seven, the Sabbath of Sabbaths." **

Matthew 1:17 says, "So all the generations from Abraham to David were fourteen generations, and from David to the deportation to Babylon fourteen generations, and from the deportation to Babylon to the Christ fourteen generations." This makes Jesus the beginning of the seventh seven, the Sabbath of Sabbaths, the True Jubilee! All true rest comes from Jesus Christ. He frees the slaves! Through him all debts are forgiven! He came to earth to have relationship with us, to allow us to rest in his love, mercy, and grace. He came as a baby so he could endure all the human pain and suffering we endure, to take it all to the cross, to show us he is indeed with us and for us. The seventh seven! The detail in scripture to show the Deity of Jesus is truly miraculous. My soul longs to know more.

To be sure, I love my family's Christmas traditions. Baking, decorating, hosting, all things red and green. My house feels cozy, warm, and lovely. I enjoy hearing my kids laugh and play as they work to solve the year's 1000 piece puzzle. These aspects of Christmas fill my heart. But I know they are temporary. As the years go by, the laughter will quiet, the decorations will fade, and the warmth in my home may grow cold. Of course I imagine I will deeply grieve the loss of days gone by as I'm sure many older people do, but O God, please allow my prayer to remain the same:

Give me fresh insight and deeper wisdom into the glory of Christmas. Keep my eyes away from worthless things, preserve my life according to your word. Fix my gaze on the eternal, not on the temporary. Allow my soul to feel your worth above all things. (Proverbs 2:3-5, Psalm 119:37, 2 Corinthians 4:18, Luke 2:19)

Merry Christmas isn't just a greeting for me. When I say Merry Christmas to you, it is as if I'm praying a short, small prayer for you, whether you want it or not. May God show himself to you this season no matter where you are... someone who doesn't believe, someone who is all alone, someone who is in a personal season of winter, someone filled with hope and joy, someone filled with despair, someone neck deep in doubt, someone who wears a Santa hat everyday, someone who hates me, someone who loves me... The prayer is the same: Merry Christmas, Emmanuel, God with us. Show yourself fresh and new, deeper still, the way you did in a stable in Bethlehem so long ago.

Thank you, Jesus, for coming.

He has come, he is here, he will return.

What does Christmas mean to you? Have you pondered the Incarnation? Believing in the resurrected Christ begins with believing God came to earth as a baby. How does this affect you personally? What are one or two things you can do to capture the wonder of Christmas this year? 



*Do yourself a favor. Go back and click the links to the passages in Exodus. Marvel and be amazed at the glory of God and how different relationship is with him because he sent his Son, Jesus Christ to earth. Ponder, mediate, engage your heart and mind in the glory of Christmas.

**Tim Keller's new book Hidden Christmas, page 38

Merriment Recap Part Two

There were too many great photos to post all in yesterday's blog post. It would be almost wrong for someone to miss a great photo only because too many were grouped together. Chad has been guest speaking at a church in town that is looking for a new pastor. One of his illustrations this past Sunday was the difference between men and women when looking through photo albums. He said women are slow and pour over every picture, and men quickly flip through. He mentioned that when he and I look at photos together it takes me too long and he loses interest and then, right in the middle of his message, he called me out and said it was because I struggle with pride in the form of vanity.  Hahaha! It wasn't actually that blunt, but it was pretty darn funny. I've teased him about it plenty this week in our home and now I'm teasing him publicly on my blog. Who's vain now? (heehee) 

These are some of my favorites from the party. I hope you enjoy them, too. 

Our smallish church is blessed to have several very talented graphic designers. John W. has been part of my family for about 13 years. He gets me and I always love his art. Chad commissioned him to design this lovely invitation. Thanks, John. Great job as always! 

Because I'm a cool and hip 40 year old, we had to have an instagram hash tag. 

My good friend, Jamie, came in all the way from Virginia right in the middle of her semester. And, it's a good thing she did because this photo is awesome! 

jamie's photo (and one of my favorites)

Oh, the cuteness slays me! 

Little Miss L wasn't the youngest attendee, but she was the youngest masked attendee! 

blake's photo

Brad couldn't decide if he was classy or sassy so he just took the whole sign. Or he was helping clean up. I'll let you decide. 

My Morgan looks so mysterious and lovely.

jamie's photo

I think Carah may land in the sassy category, but sassy as in lively and spirited, of course. 

This lovely lady's smile can light up an entire room! 

Erin is what I like to call a "party sustainer." She is theatrical, hilarious, and can entertain like nobody's business. And then, put a mask on her? Watch out! She will captivate you with those eyes. 

Sassy, sassy, and sassy. These girls really know how to ham it up. I think I need some lessons. Fyi, Laura K. Moore is the one in the middle. She's the one who took all these lovely photos. Except this one, of course. Maybe her husband took it? 

Chad and his amazing party planning assistant, Tori, came up with a How Well Do You Know Angel quiz. I've caught a bit of flack about this quiz. Apparently, I don't tell you all enough random factoids about myself. For what it's worth, Chad got number four wrong, too. 

Now is your chance to ask me any random question for which you would like to know the answer. I am an open fact book. Can you think of one? Ask away! 

Thanks again for celebrating my birthday with me, even if it is just through reading these blog posts. I plan to write more on the significance of turning 40 for me very soon. I'm in a wonderful, unknown, and interesting life transition. I'm looking forward to unpacking it with you! 

Celebrating YOU

Many people continue to ask how I'm feeling during this time of recovery. Thank you for wondering. Thank you for asking. Thank you for supporting me.

Tomorrow I turn the big 4-0. People who are over 40 often give me sweet pep talks about how great it is to be 40.

Turning 40 doesn't sit heavy on me because I'm afraid of being old. Forty seems to be arriving with a weight of responsibility.

Am I doing enough?

Am I learning enough?

Am I reading enough?

Am I investing enough?

Am I exercising enough?

Am I taking care of my family enough?

Am I loving my friends enough?

Am I prepared enough?

Don't worry. I don't think about all of these questions all at once. I ponder them all (and more) at different times in different ways.

One of the biggest learned truths that has come out of my 39th year is Jesus is my Sure Foundation. Honestly, there are times when I'm not pressing into Him enough. But, His sweet kindness leads me to repentance to remind me that His love is unfailing even if my attention wanes. He reminds me that His plans are for good to make me more like Himself. He reminds me that as life is completely unpredictable through sunshine, rain, snow, hail He is my Sure Foundation.

This Friday night my sweet husband is throwing me a giant Masquerade Merriment party. Several of my friends have expressed that they are excited to celebrate me during this fun event. But here is my secret: I'm excited to celebrate the community God has given me.

The last eight months would have been so much more difficult had it not been for my friends.

People who sent me packages, organized yard sales, gave financially, brought us meals, raised funds for us, gave us gift certificates for restaurants, took our kids out, picked them up from school, ran silly errands, wrote beautiful words of encouragement, asked Chad about me, protected my schedule, watched out for me in loud environments, told me to go home when the look on my face showed stroke, vacuumed my floor, washed my dishes, sent sweet texts, picked up the slack in my Second Mile responsibilities, exuded patience when I've struggled, asked how Chad was doing and how you could help him practically, and prayed and prayed and prayed.

These generous people live in other cities and states, live in Tucson, attend Second Mile, do not attend Second Mile. You are my friends. You are my community. Some of you won't be able to attend Friday night's festivities, but please know as I look around the room at the faces of those I so deeply love you are also in my mind's eye. You all have loved my family and me so well. Thank you! I plan to celebrate your friendships with joy, love, tears, silliness, dancing, food all while wearing a fancy dress and mask.

A year after I turned 30 we moved to Tucson, Arizona to start a community of faith in Christ called Second Mile. I would have never guessed the crazy adventures my 30s would hold...church planting, women's ministry, foster care, health issues just to name a few. As I enter my 40s I wonder what in the world does God have in store. Although it may bring some heaviness, it is out of reverence, awe, and gratitude for the future because I know that Jesus is my Sure Foundation.

Reflecting on the Nines

I just turned the big 3-9 on April 17th. One more year in the 30s.

The day started in my spinning class. I told the class the week before that my birthday was coming and I would bring them presents to celebrate. I arrived with a large plate of M&M pecan cookies and chocolate oatmeal moomoo bars. Some of them complained about burning calories in my class and then being tempted by cookies. But, I think they liked it.  

There were so many cookies left and I certainly didn't want them in my kitchen, so I passed them out wherever I went through the day greeting people with, "It's my birthday. Would you like a cookie?" Strangers were surprisingly willing to take a homemade cookie and then tell me interesting stories about their life. It's amazing what someone will share with you over a baked goodie. 

My family gave me great presents. We went to eat at a Japanese teppanyaki grill for dinner. It was a lovely day.

Thinking about turning 39 over the last year was definitely worse than actually turning 39. As I've thought about age and reflected through the years of my life, I realized the nines have each ushered in significant seasons of difficulty, change, and growth. I'm sure this is true for most people. 

When I was nine years old about to be in fourth grade, I made a commitment to God to become a missionary. I met a wonderful woman named Melissa King who talked to me about serving Jesus with my life. I only spent one short week with her, but she made an unforgettable impact. My parents invested in me and did their best to teach me the ways of faith in Jesus. They loved (and still love) me so deeply

Unfortunately, my new commitment was put aside for the next few years. I wasted so much time drinking, partying, finding comfort in the arms of boys who pretended to be men. My spirit was wrecked in seeking security and love through the approval of my peers. I was desperately lonely and sought to fill the holes with rebellion and popularity. Not surprisingly, the empty shell that was my spirit was the only thing that was filled. 

When I turned 19 years old I was at New Mexico State University. My life had swung from one extreme of partying to the other extreme of seeking after God. Healing in my heart continues to be one of my pursuits, but the four years I spent in college laid a foundation of scripture, prayer, and community that God continues to use in my life. 

Over the next few years I married a man I never thought I would find. We traveled, lived in another country, adopted a beautiful daughter, had three other children, and moved to two different states. God used the adventures to teach us great things about Him, ourselves, and each other. My heart's capacity to love and be loved was one of the greatest gifts God gave me through my 20's. 

At the age of 29 I lived in the beautiful city of Lincoln, NE. I remember a friend of mine named Gina who was also from New Mexico said, "We get to live in a place that has fireflies!" She was right. The greenery, the flowers, the people, the Husker nation, the cleanliness of Walmart all showcase some of the beauty that is Lincoln. The prospect of turning 30 seemed bright and glorious as I lived out my version of the American dream. 

I wrote on the first page of my new journal, "I wonder what God will have for me in my 30s?" Little did I know my family was about to embark on our biggest and most difficult adventure. A few months after that journal entry we decided to move to Tucson to plant a church. After moving to this mountainous, beautiful desert I began to see that my heart was so similar to my surroundings. God crafted me together which is beautiful, but I had built high places of defeat and self-hatred which led to a personal dryness and a tough exterior.  

The truth is I continued to carry lies I chose to believe from my childhood. Struggling to gain the approval of others plagued me. Believing that I was the fat, ugly, dumb girl in the room consumed me. In my early 30's God freed me from this lie through much prayer and refinement. He has used my 30's to fortify His work in my life and teach me about myself, the gifts He's given me, my talents, strengths, and weaknesses. 

And now I'm 39 years old. Each decade has been stuffed full of character refinement, personal growth, and life-altering, God-given direction. The thought of turning 40 messes with my mind quite a bit to tell the truth. I'm not necessarily afraid of getting old, but I definitely want to be sure I'm not wasting time, that I'm living for a greater purpose, that I continue to grow and change. 

What will the years look like when I look back when I turn 49? Will I have a deeper sense of purpose? How will I be processing all of my kids living outside my home? What will my friendships look like? How will my marriage to Chad be richer than it is today? What will be the greatest lesson I learn in my 40's? 

LKM Photography

Only God knows the answers to these questions. I'm glad He hasn't given me any clues to what the next ten years hold. To be honest, if I would have known at age 9, 19, or 29 what I was about to go through, I would have absolutely chickened out. He obviously knows what He is doing! 

Psalm 40:5

Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you have planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak of them there would be too many to declare. 

Grace and Celebration

Leslie at Top of the Page invited me to guest post for her series Grace on Thursday. It was my pleasure to get to write about God's grace leading to obedience. I also used some great photos in the post taken by a great photographer. Please go check it out! 

Also, if you participate in Moxie Memorizers and live in Tucson (or want to come visit), we are finally going to have our scripture memory celebration! This is incredibly short notice, but the calendar is so packed that we are just going to have to schedule it and go for it! 

THIS Sunday night the 12th right after the gathering we will enjoy pizza and salad together. Pizza will be provided. Will a few of you bring a salad to share? 

We will spend time sharing what memory verses were especially meaningful, discuss strategies for success in 2012, and celebrate the discipline of taking scripture into our lives. Please bring your memory packet or whatever you use to keep track of your verses. 

If you joined in the fun of memorizing scripture in 2011, please join us. If you are committed to taking scripture into your life in 2012, then I would also like to invite you to join us (men included.) This will encourage your heart and strengthen your resolve in this journey. 

You have to eat after the gathering anyway, so don't skip out. We've waited a long time for this celebration! I hope you will join us! Please RSVP here if you can make it.